SS has in school detention
Ilumine
member
Background: SS 's school had its homecoming last weekend. Two weeks prior, he asked if he could go (go SS for learning to ask in advance). We said yes.
The weekend prior, he decided to not go. He even told this girl who asked him to go that he was not interested in going with her. (rude of him to do, told DH to deal with it - neither did). The Wed before, he decided he WAS going to go. Only NOW we find out its semi-formal AND no jeans allowed.
SS does not have any type of dressy clothes. He refused to buy them at his mothers and we do not have a selection of clothes here on base that fit him and he will not wear what the german kids wear.
I TELL SS and DH that he should not go...that there will be comments by both the chaperones and other kids...they do not listen to me.
And yes, SS gets teased while standing in line to get into the dance. The kid teasing him is his "rival" on the football team and for the heart of this girl (not the one he was rude to).
Currently: Last night SS posts some stupid shceissa on FB about freshman (in reference to the girl who likes the Rival - he insunated she was stupid) and how he was a player. Rival makes a comment, actually all Rival does is write "Bwaahaahaa". It disintergrates to a FB shouting match and then SS deletes the thread.
TODAY, SS thinks Rival printed out the interchange and is showing it around school - Rival is NOT doing this, but SS is all righteous. SS accosts Rival about it in the middle of lunch - literally STALKS over to Rival and gets into the kids face. SS calls rival outside to fight. Rival follows SS. Two teachers watching the whole thing follow the kids out and stop the fight.
SS gets in school detention for the altercation in the lunch room. That is enough for me. Does not matter to me if this kid taunted SS 4 days ago or replied to something SS put out for the whole world to read last night (mind you - if you do not like this kid, why is he your "friend"?). And even if this kid DID have something printed, which has been proven beyond a doubt by the school, SS's actions in the lunch room was unwarranted and, per the rules of the school, punishable.
DH, on the other hand, gets all up in MY face because I did not do the right "followup questions, ie, fight the principal's decision.
Not sure exactly what I was supposed to be fighting over. SS started the oral fight during lunch. HE was the one that threatened Rival and called him out to the fight. So he gets punished.
Not one lick of sympathy.
Re: SS has in school detention
Then DH needs to handle it. I'd so back off handling any of SS's issues at school if DH thinks you are doing so poorly in this department that he would get up in your face about it.
DH can handle this to his hearts content. I have totally taken a back step from SS this year, ever since DH and SS decided that SS no longer needed therapy..without consulting me.
As long as what SS does, DOES NOT AFFECT ME or DD, I dont give a flying fvkc. I have TRIED to instill rules and expectations that will help him grow as a teenager, into a self-sufficient adult. They circumvent me at every turn.
So I no longer put forth any effort with him. You want to go to the dance, figure out how you are going to get there with your father, NOT MY job. You forget 3 page paper on the printer, not my responsibility to run 30 minutes back home to get it for you - take the grade deduction. You leave your laundry in the washing machine over a two day period and it turns moldy - oh well, it iwll be thrown in the laundry basket so I can do DH's uniforms.
My stress levels have gone down.
I just get pissed when I get cranky calls from DH. While he may not have created the monster, we have had this monster for the past 3.5 years (I do not think my SS is a monster - it is a turn of phrase people) and YOUR actions have not helped our monster tap dance to Putting on the Ritz.
Oh well....DH and I are in for a fun conversation this evening...he needs to be reminded that I am to be kept out of it. Do not complain to me as long as the boy is not in therapy.
DH, on the other hand, gets all up in MY face because I did not do the right "followup questions, ie, fight the principal's decision.
Oh heck no. Let me guess, the two teachers who saw it all just have it out for SS?
DH, on the other hand, gets all up in MY face because I did not do the right "followup questions, ie, fight the principal's decision
Meh. If Daddy-O feels so strongly about it, he needs to go to school and address it.
This!
I agree. You did the right thing. Your h can take his enabling butt up to the school himself.
Your SS deserved detention why in hell would your DH want to deny thim that lesson???
:::sigh:::
I have to question on this one if it is getting DS out of trouble or not wanting DH to look bad b/c of the military...or both.
Actually, DH is not stopping SS's punishment, he just thinks the other kid shoudl get the SAME punishment as SS.
That makes sense.
Yeah, I did get an apology AFTER he got home and HE talked to the Ass Prin. After hearing how SS literally walked into the room (after being in another classroom), physically got in the kids face and within 30 sec called the kid out...it was clearly instigated by SS.
As the Ass Prin said to DH, this started because SS wore the wrong attire to the dance. The dress code was very clearly stated. By NOT wearing the correct clothes, he opened himself up to comments. Are the comments morally correct, NO.
But by 16, SS needs to learn how to handle them better. Every escalation has been from SS. Smart ass comments by another teen or a girl liking someone else does not warrant a FB page calling said girl stupid.
Copies of the FB war or words (though this was all in SSs head) does not warrant SS instigating a fight.
Therefor Rival does not get the same punishment.
And she strongly suggested that SS gets back into therapy to deal with his anger manatement issues. That of course is not going to happen, because SS has clearly stated to DH a hadful of times that one of hte reasons he is moving back home to his mothers is that she wont put him in therapy. Basically, as long as he is calm in the house, she does not care how he acts at school.
And DH wants him with us so we can continue to work with him....but....yeah....
I just reiterated what I told him at the beginning of the school year. SS is not in therapy, Ilumine is not doing a damn thing for him. His behavioral issues are directly affecting me (calls from school and dissent witih my DH).