Update & Help!

Patches08

Hi Ladies. I know I?ve been MIA lately, but I?ve been lurking here and there. I just had a visit with DD this past weekend.. it went great!! I got her some bday gifts (9/1 was her birthday). I was a little apprehensive about this visit but it did go well. Kenzie really took a liking to my DH. It was cute.. but he felt odd carrying her on his shoulders when Adad was there (now you can get a glimpse of my view on all of this!). Anyway. She is doing well and is still a happy 7 year old. I?ll post a pic later. Here?s where I need your help. Kenzie?s birthfather, who took off when I got pregnant emailed me today. ?I hope everything is going well with you and your family. I would love it if you could keep me updated with McKenzie's status. I know her birthday was this month. Believe it or not, I think about her frequently and the only photo I have is an older one in front of the tree. I know she has a happy family environment and your right she is a beautiful mixture of me and you. Hope to hear from you soon. What is her birth date anyway.? He must have held onto my email address from our conversation 4 years ago.. I am fine with updating him on non identifying information (he knows her first name from the court docs). My husband is flipping out.. I told him numerous times.. this has nothing to do with me and him (BF)? this is only about Kenzie. Any suggestions on what you would want a birthparent to do in this situation? I want to keep the lines of communication open with him for Kenzie?s future. I haven?t heard from him in 4 years.. Sorry for the formatting, I?m on my phone.

Alicia_22

Would McKenzie's adoptive parents be willing to keep him updated so that you wouldn't have to be in contact with him? That way he can stay informed but you don't have to be the one in contact with him.

taparham

I think it's great that he is interested and it would be good to keep the communcation open for Kenzie's sake.  I guess you will just have to reassure your husband that the only communication you will have with your x is updates on Kenzie.  He may feel a little threatened since he is the BF so reassurance is in order here.  Good luck!!

Art Teacher

Alicia_22:

Would McKenzie's adoptive parents be willing to keep him updated so that you wouldn't have to be in contact with him? That way he can stay informed but you don't have to be the one in contact with him.

I was going to say this, too.  Could her adoptive parents send him updates?  Is that something they would be open to doing?

BTW, I'm glad you had a good visit for her birthday

Patches08

No, they do not want contact with him.

hersheykiss

Hey Patches, I am so glad you were able to have a good visit. As a BM, I am jealous of other BMs getting to have visits with their children. I do not have that ability now. (jealous in a good way)

As for your problem with the BF, here is my advice. I just recently had to deal with communication with K's BF. I also had to cut all ties to him. With K's BF he was there during the birth and afterwards so my situation is slightly different. I did have to draw boundaries with him though.

I basically told him to cease communication with me out of respect for my husband and family and out of respect for his family as well. If it was me in your shoes, I would not give him any info on Kenzie. If he wasn't willing to stick around for the pregnancy and birth, then IMO he doesn't have the right to the info afterwards. He just wants all the pretty stuff at the end without the hardwork. IMHO, you don't get it that way. You have to take the ugly with the pretty. I am sorry if I sound harsh, and you are welcome to ignore me. It will not hurt my feelings. But I think that you do need to respect your husband wish of not communicating with him. My DH absolutely despises K's BF, so I had to end all communication.

Oh, and giving Kenzie's info to her BF isn't going to benefit her or you at all. It will simply keep him around, wanting more info.

This line that you wrote: I want to keep the lines of communication open with him for Kenzie?s future.

I wanted the EXACT same thing because I know in several years my daughter is going to want to meet me. I thought I needed to keep the communication open for that. But I realized that by doing that, it was only hurting me and my future with my family I have now. I realized that IF I ever need to contact him in the future, I can. But I do not have to be communicating with him NOW.

I hope this makes some sense to you. Like I said earlier, you do not have to take my advice. It is simply that, my advice & opinion.