Recent BFP and deployment looming ahead — The Bump
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Recent BFP and deployment looming ahead

Hi ladies! I'm in desperate need of advice. I just got my BFP Friday night, so that puts me at about 4 weeks. DFH is deploying in January and he won't be around for the birth. I know I'm not the only one who has ever gone through this, but any advice on how to not lose my head? I'm really upset DFH (probably DH soon!) won't be there when our first-born enters the world.

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Re: Recent BFP and deployment looming ahead

  • My husband left when I was still early in the first tri so I understand the emotions you are going through right now. You both will have good days and bad days but try not to let it get you down too much. Keep busy. Go work-out (if you were pre-BFP), work more hours, visit friends & family or find a new hobby.

    Here are some things I've done to keep my H involved in the pregnancy:

    • Send him belly pictures every few days (not many changes in the beginning so it's boring, but once the belly pops the pregnancy becomes more real).
    • Send him ultrasound pictures in care packages (tape it to the inside of the box lid).
    • Skype (on my phone) during doctor's appointments so he can share his concerns too (hasn't happened for all of them though, that may be overkill).
    • Sent videos of my belly going crazy once little man began moving.
    • I bought two of each pregnancy book I got and sent him one.

    After you have the baby you can do all of the same things you did while pregnant except substitute belly with baby.

    Good luck!

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  • Wanted to wish you the best and stay strong! Congrats on the BFP! Sorry I'm not any help!

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  • I know it has to be hard but what I suggest is when you know you are due see if his commander can give him R & R time then so he can come home for a couple weeks and if that doesn't work see if he can skype with you while you are in labor so he doesn't fully miss it. I know the time zone difference is hard but most commanders are willing to accomodate if they can. I am 37 weeks now and my hb is here and I wouldn't want him to miss it for the world but I am so wrapped up in the thought of having our baby that all I think about is her... I kind of feel bad for my hubby :)
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  • We're in the same boat. DH is actually leaving in a few weeks and won't be back until after baby arrives. I know it's going to be hard, because although he's here for now, he was gone all of last month doing work ups and I missed him immensely. Being pregnant alone is hard. It's such a sensitive time. We both really hate that he's missing it. I send him belly pics and ultrasounds. We also plan to have the birth taped. If you're lucky enough for him to come home around your EDD, that would be great. GL
  • image amandalup:
    I know it has to be hard but what I suggest is when you know you are due see if his commander can give him R & R time then so he can come home for a couple weeks and if that doesn't work see if he can skype with you while you are in labor so he doesn't fully miss it. I know the time zone difference is hard but most commanders are willing to accomodate if they can. I am 37 weeks now and my hb is here and I wouldn't want him to miss it for the world but I am so wrapped up in the thought of having our baby that all I think about is her... I kind of feel bad for my hubby :)

     I wish Marines got R&R, that would be amazing!

    We're going to try and skype, or at least videotape so he can watch when he returns home. And he made me promise to send ultrasounds and weekly belly pictures. Hehe, hes already trying to get leave to be at my first appt next week :)

    To keep myself busy, I'm thinking of just working more, hopefully right up to my due date and then take a long, restful maternity leave. (And possibly then a leave of absence until he goes EAS!) This poses another question. (And I know I'm getting ahead of myself.) Is moving a 2-3 month old and then moving again 10 months later too much? 

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  • I'm in a similar situation - SO deployed early in the first trimester and he won't be back until after LO arrives.  We are also planning on moving (twice!) - once when he gets home and then again about 7-10 months later.

     Its a lot to think about, especially since moving with an infant isn't the easiest thing to do.  I take it one day at a time and try not to stress the details.  Being together as a family whenever we can is the most important thing, so as long as we keep that in mind, I figure everything else will just have to fall into place.

    The advice I get most from friends and family is to keep busy, focus on having a healthy baby, and to not stress about things (like coordinating a move) until I have the power to do something about it.

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  • image amandalup:
    I know it has to be hard but what I suggest is when you know you are due see if his commander can give him R & R time then so he can come home for a couple weeks and if that doesn't work see if he can skype with you while you are in labor so he doesn't fully miss it. I know the time zone difference is hard but most commanders are willing to accomodate if they can. I am 37 weeks now and my hb is here and I wouldn't want him to miss it for the world but I am so wrapped up in the thought of having our baby that all I think about is her... I kind of feel bad for my hubby :)

     The naval hosptal here has it to where they can set it up with his command if at all possible for him to be able to witness the labor and also ultrasounds! they can have it go to a computer over there so he can see it! I would ask once you start going to your appointments and see what they can offer you! and just stay super busy! send as much stuff to him as you can to keep him in the loop! I helped my friend make her husband a "weekly newsletter" it was cute! and she would spend her week getting stuff together for it! and we would mail them out to him! he LOVED them! =)

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  • I know that a lot of women have gone through this, but I would have a hard time with it as well. We've been struggling with IF, so it would be even harder to do this on my own after we've put so much effort into getting KU. Something you may want to look into further into your PG is Operation Special Delivery. I'm not sure if you would qualify if you're not married (probably not) but it sounds like you may be married before he leaves. Good luck!
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    PCOS--TTC since 11/2010:   
    5 cycles of Clomid: all BFN, 1 cycle of Follistim:CP
    1 year break thanks to deployment.
    1 cycle Follistim: BFN, Lap to remove peritubal cyst May 2013
    2 cycles Follistim + trigger: BFN, Gonal F +IUI April 2014: BFP!!!!!! 

    Boy/Girl Twins due Jan 5, 2015!!! 


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