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Toddlers: 24 Months+
Should I persist or give in ?
DS has all of a sudden become VERY afraid of being new places and new people. Hes always been attached to me but as long as I was around he would wave, look around and play most of the time.
Now I when I take him to play groups or indoor gyms he WONT play...he just stands and says SHOES,HOME, NOOO !!! I try to distract and play with him or point out another kid whose playing but he stands firm on the HOME. So far Ive given in and taken him home.
What do I do ?? He cant avoid people and new places and stay home !
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Re: Should I persist or give in ?
It's a fine line- he's verbalizing and not acting out with hitting/tantrums, so I would be inclined to reward that and take him home. Maybe hold his hand and tell him he must sy bye to each of his friends and then we'll go. Or maybe work up to it.
My DD1 was like that but was content to sit on/next to me. Now she begs me to let her go to playdates by herself, without me.
I would also hellp him work through it by having playdates at his house. Start with one child and when he's used to that one child, go to playdates at that child's house and then as that becomes easier, start having two kids over. Build up.
I think he's doing great that he can verbalize, not throw a fit. I think socialization is like eating- you can offer healthy foods often but it is just one of those things you can't physically force.
Sometimes what I try to do when DS gets upset is I tell him that "mama wants to do this". LIke watch TV! He seems to think if the TV is on, it's for him to watch something. So if I put the news on, he starts to get demanding. But I tell him "mama gets to watch her shows too. Once this is over, we can put on ___.".
Yesterday, I took him for a walk. He wanted to go one way (the short route home), I wanted to go on a slightly longer walk. He got upset and was like "NO! HOME NOW!!!". I told him "Honey - we usually go the way you want. Mommy wants to go this way this time, so we're going to go this way".
He was upset for little bit, but then got over it.
W/ at least the playdates (where I assume you might want to talk to the other moms!), I'd tell him "Well, mommy wants to see her friends too. You don't have to play. You can sit with me if you want. But this is something mommy wants to do.".
While my life largely revolves around DS, and there are many times I'm more than fine to follow his lead, I do feel that there needs to be a little bit of a lesson here that the world doesn't entirely revolve around him! 90% of it might, but occasionally 10% doesn't...
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Thanks ladies ! This has only been going on for a week and a bit so far so I hope I can get a handle on it soon. I have been trying to play WITH him or stay at the place a but trying to show him its fun but I agree with the PP its a fine line. I want him to be comfortable telling me he doesnt want to play but I know as the adult that he really does need to socialize ! LOL ( PLUS so does mommy !)
Bah...wheres the kids instruction book ??
Do you think not giving in right away and trying to get him to play with me even though hes saying HOME is ok ? Obviously if he keeps saying it after some time I will give in, but at least giving him a chance to join in.
I wouldn't even encourage him to play or you play with him. You just go and say - this is where we're going, I'm going to talk to the other Mommies and sit here; you can stay with me if you want or go play with the other kids/at the tables, etc.
The point being - you as the mom decide where you guys go, your DS is allowed to decide how he wants to interact or not. You can't "make" him socialize, you can just give him opportunities to do it. And, if socializing for him right now, just means watching other kids play, then so be it.