Frustrated with DS's aggression towards DD

JoannaJes

It mostly happens around sharing toys, although sometimes it seems like DS just wants to get a reaction out of her.

The other day he poked her in the eye. So hard that it required a trip to the ER.

I am getting so frustrated... At first I responded with giving DD lots of love, talking to DS about how she feels sad that he hurt her, gentle hands, hands don't hit, you name it. Then we moved on to time-outs. Time-outs seem to upset him, but I don't know if the punishment is correlating to stopping the behavior.

I try to praise good behavior, lots of praise for him sharing, being gentle, using gentle hands.

Anyway, what next? I don't think this is a phase that I can just wait out...my daughter is getting injured in the process. He is not aggressive at all towards myself, DH, or any other children. He was not aggressive at all towards DD until about 2 months ago when she became mobile.

Any different directions I could take here?

*sallymad*

We're going through the same thing, esp now that dd2 is mobile. Poor dd2 can't play with any toys, even if they are hers, dd1 just comes and rips it out of her hands. I'm excited for the day when dd2 can fight back. 

 

I do notice that dd1 is more mean when she isn't getting a lot of attention from me. Or if I've been working a lot. So I guess I try prevention, making sure we play games together or laugh and tickle just her with dd2. But if she is having a rough day with dd2 time-outs are the only thing that really work. And that only lessens the aggression, doesn't eliminate it.  I don't think it'll ever fully go away until dd2 can fight back a little bit.

JoannaJes

*sallymad*:

We're going through the same thing, esp now that dd2 is mobile. Poor dd2 can't play with any toys, even if they are hers, dd1 just comes and rips it out of her hands. I'm excited for the day when dd2 can fight back. 

 

I do notice that dd1 is more mean when she isn't getting a lot of attention from me. Or if I've been working a lot. So I guess I try prevention, making sure we play games together or laugh and tickle just her with dd2. But if she is having a rough day with dd2 time-outs are the only thing that really work. And that only lessens the aggression, doesn't eliminate it.  I don't think it'll ever fully go away until dd2 can fight back a little bit.

DH and I kind of joke about that sometimes. Not that we would encourage them to brawl, but it would be nice if DD could hold on to a toy, or they could have a polite discussion about it (ok, this is just a dream of mine).

DS won't have much longer, at 2 1/2, he's a peanut at 28 pounds, and at 10 months, DD is almost 23 lbs. Now she just needs to work on her motor skills, and she will give DS a run for his money. Ha ha.

Brewtowngrl

We started 123 magic last week.  minor things we count to 3 and time out, big things it is 3 and take 3.  Time out right away.  So far it is going better. 

LoveEeyore

I would start wearing DD.  Make her a little less available to him.

What REALLY helped my DD with the twins, was in the main living area I built an "Alex only" zone and decorated it and put her favorite toys in there.  She didn't have to share anything she put in her "library" and gave her absolute control over that area. 

Additionally giving her a job related to the babies helped.  She was sock boss, and when the babies lost a sock, it was her job to tell them they needed to have socks on, and she'd fetch socks and put them on them. 

I think it is important to find a way to give DS lots of 1-1 attention, too.

But maybe get him into preschool a couple days a week so he can be involved in something "big kids" get to do, not babies.

Good luck. 

kdeames

My pedi recommended making a chart for the wall where we write out a brief outline of our schedule. She said schedule time for each child to get "special" time and when they get upset about you spending time with the other child, take them to the chart and say "look, it's DD's time with mommy right now. See how you get your time next? I'm very excited to have your play time!" etc.

She said also use stickers next to their name when they do something very good then when they get to 10 stickers, they get a special treat like going out for ice cream with daddy or a new coloring book.

I haven't tried it yet so I'm not sure how well that works. Just an idea though.