venting... anybody else's husband being a weight stickler?

jengelz

Okay so granted, I haven't been able to work out AS MUCH as I would like to. With feeling nauseous and dizzy (and yes, I've tried working out "through" it like I normally would pre-pregnancy. Not good!), I haven't been able to get quality workouts in. Plus, my normal workouts are hurting my inner joints. Not normal muscle soreness!

To make matters worse, my husband is incredibly athletic/fit and constantly asks me if I've worked out lately/what I'm eating/ yadda yadda yadda. I'm only in my 12th week but am already beginning to feel uncomfortable with bloat and all that comes with being pregnant. I also think I've gained around 5lbs, which I'm not happy about since "all of the books" say a normal weight gain in the first trimester is 2-4.

I just feel like crying right now. I need somebody to support me when I'm starting to feel gross about myself... not somebody to point out every flaw. It's just got my stomach in knots. I've tried talking to him and explaining to him... he's also spoken with various friends who have given birth and I thought he understood all that goes into it, but he's just clueless. Does anybody else have a husband that is like this? If so, how do you remedy this situation?

tash_rn

I wish I had advice but I don't, so sorry he is being such an a$$ right now though!  Honestly, if normal is 2-4 and you're only at 5, I still consider you normal.  And until your doctor is concerned there is no reason for him to be.  Do what you can but don't feel bad about the days you can't work out, I know I've skipped the last, oh 4 months of going to the gym!  Anyway, I'm sorry he's being a jerk, I guess all you can do is tell him you are trying and especially right now you need his support more than his nagging.  Hopefully he gets better!

jennyjen17

If my husband had anything to say about my weight, he'd get a swift kick...and he'd be sleeping at his mom's. He knows better. You are going to gain weight, and everyone is different. He can talk to friends until he's blue in the face - you are a different person and is going to handle pregnancy differently. Stick up for yourself and let him know how you're feeling. Don't make excuses for yourself or try to reason with him...you don't deserve to be made to feel bad about yourself. Period. You're creating a life inside you. Along with all the yucky and uncomfortable things that happen along the way, it's not easy, but...it is a beautiful thing. Remind him of that. Keep your chin up - all guys are jerks at some point...even the good ones.

chelserrrrr

I'm sorry he's not being very nice about it!  He needs to understand that pregnancy is different for every woman. Some people are able to run marathons without a problem, and for others pregnancy can take a huge toll on the body, which can even make it difficult to want to get out of bed! I think that no matter what, in pregnancy, you're always going to end up bigger than you'd like to be. And there will always be weight to lose after you give birth. As long as you're keeping fairly healthy, and have plans to get back in good shape after the baby is born, I don't see why he's making it a big deal. Hopefully he starts to understand soon! :]

lindslalala

Consider getting him a pregnancy book specifically for dads-to-be that he could read. Maybe that would help him to be more sympathetic and understanding of all the changes your going through? Sorry he's being a jerk about it, next time just tell him "if I want to hear your thoughts on my weight gain, I'll ask you." 

digwriter

So sorry to hear you're going through this. I think the only weight gain MH is concerned with during this pregnancy is his own.

DisneyMom0312

He sounds like a total douche. Sorry.

 

- Dad (lurking on mom's account) 

Zilly13

I'm sorry  I can't even say anything nice, so I'll just keep my comments to myself.

vcukoko82

Thats crazy to me.  My husband is concerned, but not to the point of making me feel bad.  We only ever talk about my weight if I start the conversation.  Being mean about it would cause some serious issues.  I would probably karate chop him in the throat ;-)

 

Mrs_MBed

DH tried to monitor what I ate while pg with DD1.  He used to do triathlons, so he's a nutritional nut.  With the morning sickness I had with her, I was limited in what would stay down, so I just reached the point where I told him to STFU and that unless he was my doctor had no say in my diet at that point.  He backed off, especially once I promised to eat healthier once the m/s passed.  It saved a lot of stress.   He wasn't around much to "bother" me with DD2 (school and studying) and has been OOT for the last two months, so I've been able to avoid those conversations this time around

Sorry your DH is being a butthead.  5 lbs in the first trimester is not bad at all (I wish I gained 5 lbs instead of dropping 10lbs) and he needs to understand that your body at rest is still working the equivalent to a regular workout.  You are growing a person and only have one shot to cook this baby.  Maybe you could have your doctor explain this to him?  Have you tried maybe doing a prenatal yoga workout instead?  Its still exercise, so that should get him off your back, but it isn't too hard on you. 

 

jengelz

First off - THANK YOU for everyone's comments. They really do help.

Today I've just been overly-sensitive. Hello pregnancy hormones!! I just spoke with hubby about it and he was SHOCKED (and genuinely upset) that I was so hurt by his comment. He feels horrible now. GOOD. Haha. He just wants me and baby to be healthy, but like so many of you said, comments on weight gain should be OFF-LIMITS!! And hopefully will be from here on out.

And for the record, HE purchased on his own "Dude, You're Gonna be a Dad!" or something like that. So he is the type to read a book about pregnancy. Now I feel bad that I made him out to be a total ***, because he really isn't. He's kind of one of those idiot guys where it's "FOOT: INSERT MOUTH" half of the time.

We have a dr appointment tomorrow and don't you all worry, I will be sure to get ALL of the women at the office to give him hell. Heck, I might even record it just to see him squirm over and over again.

Alliebooberz

I didn't even read your post past the first sentence... If my husband DARED make comments or regulations about my weight... well, he would never have been my husband in the first place.  If it's a health concern and he's encouraging you because your DR has said something, then that's different, but if he's being a tyrant... not cool.

books4brooke

jengelz:

First off - THANK YOU for everyone's comments. They really do help.

Today I've just been overly-sensitive. Hello pregnancy hormones!! I just spoke with hubby about it and he was SHOCKED (and genuinely upset) that I was so hurt by his comment. He feels horrible now. GOOD. Haha. He just wants me and baby to be healthy, but like so many of you said, comments on weight gain should be OFF-LIMITS!! And hopefully will be from here on out.

And for the record, HE purchased on his own "Dude, You're Gonna be a Dad!" or something like that. So he is the type to read a book about pregnancy. Now I feel bad that I made him out to be a total ***, because he really isn't. He's kind of one of those idiot guys where it's "FOOT: INSERT MOUTH" half of the time.

We have a dr appointment tomorrow and don't you all worry, I will be sure to get ALL of the women at the office to give him hell. Heck, I might even record it just to see him squirm over and over again.

Those hormones will get you every time!  I'm glad that you brought it up with him.  If it helps, tell him some chick on the pregnancy board has gained 20 pounds in the first trimester without being able to eat much!  I honestly believe that everyone's body reacts differently to  pregnancy, and you can't be too hard on yourself.  

BOTB2011

I'm sorry you are having to go through this. It is tough enough when WE notice the changes to our bodies and (to be honest) aren't always comfortable in our own skin.

Is he just asking or is he asking and then judging and/or being condescending? Sometimes it's hard to tell if they are being curious/caring or judging/from a mean place.

My DH is very fit and we used to go to the gym together 4-5x a week pre-pregnancy. I didn't have the same energy I used to (slowly coming back..) so there have been many times I skip going and he would still go. He expressed concern for my/our health but didn't really force the issue. I also have exercise restrictions due to my prior m/c this year; which is another reason he doesn't push it. He also worries that I'm eating right and that the baby is getting the necessary nutrients.

I made sure to specifically bring these topics up with the Dr. while DH was with me at my last appointment, and it seemed to help.

Does your DH attend your appointments? If not, then I would try to make sure he is at your next appt. Be sure to ask questions that you think will ease his mind. Also give him an opportunity to ask any questions with the Dr.

HTHs

yurmom

I'm sure your husband's a great guy...just being a guy.  My husband about fell out of the chair when the OB said I could gain 25 lbs.  After the appt he was like Don't you think that's a little much? Lol...his family are the fat police so this should be fun.  

greenluckcharm

I think my hubby is having sympathy pains... he seems to be eating more than me lately, and blames it on the baby.    He just says he does not want to be left out of everything.

jennyjen17

jengelz:

First off - THANK YOU for everyone's comments. They really do help.

Today I've just been overly-sensitive. Hello pregnancy hormones!! I just spoke with hubby about it and he was SHOCKED (and genuinely upset) that I was so hurt by his comment. He feels horrible now. GOOD. Haha. He just wants me and baby to be healthy, but like so many of you said, comments on weight gain should be OFF-LIMITS!! And hopefully will be from here on out.

And for the record, HE purchased on his own "Dude, You're Gonna be a Dad!" or something like that. So he is the type to read a book about pregnancy. Now I feel bad that I made him out to be a total ***, because he really isn't. He's kind of one of those idiot guys where it's "FOOT: INSERT MOUTH" half of the time.

We have a dr appointment tomorrow and don't you all worry, I will be sure to get ALL of the women at the office to give him hell. Heck, I might even record it just to see him squirm over and over again.

 Good for you for letting him know how you feel, and good for him for listening! My DH is totally one of those guys who has to dig his foot out of his mouth on a regular basis.  Sounds like you have a good guy who is like most other guys and is clueless about how his remarks come across sometimes.  I would totally use this particular incident to my advantage for as long as I possible could...but that's just me Haha!

lulling

My husband know never to mention my weight/my exercise/my diet when I am pregnant or not pregnant.  That being said I am glad that you talked with him and I am glad that he felt bad!  If he brings it up again don't be afraid to remind him that he is being a jerk again.

Joie80

Leah&Jack:

I think he's out of line. That's just not nice of him to treat you like that. He needs a kick in the teeth.

Yup.

charlotte99999

I gotta say pre-pregnancy I'm a pretty healthy person and would work out 4-6 times a week. I always imagined that when I was pregnant I would work out about 3-4 times a week or walk every night and eat super healthy. Omg. This is my first kid and I did not realize how hard the first trimester is. I was EXHAUSTED and nauseous and could not stomach the thought of fish & salad for dinner, my usual. All I wanted and could eat was bread and rice and pasta. I usually never eat that stuff. Now that those symptoms are passing maybe I will get back to 'normal' but overall I am trying to relax about all of this. I will lose the weight after, esp. because I am not buying a new wardrobe for work. Maybe if you tell him your version of this, he'll get it. Plus, people gain baby weight very differently.

andreajd818

MH has been kind of a douche bag too about this....I've only gained 2 lbs at 16 weeks, but I think it's more out of concern for me not eating very healthy. I think he'd like to see me eat more fruits & veggies instead of McDonald's ice cream cones (which are so freaking fantastic that they are pretty much all I can think about). I've never been a good veggie eater, and now unfortunately it's even worse with feeling so crappy and nauseated. Sigh...

JINGSI

Our DHs obviously think we are knock outs (we had to get preggers somehow) and it's not unreasonable for them to want us stay attractive in their eyes and also eat well for the LO. Obviously there are going to be some changes that can't be reversed, and they just need to deal with those. But just like us, I'm sure it takes them time to wrap their heads around all the changes that are happening. That said, it's also up to us to tell them to keep their mouths shut unless it is to tell us that we are the hottest pregnant chick ever! That's the least they can do considering we are the ones harvesting their spawn!       

Sara1373

My husband has been great, its more about me. I teach group fitness classes part time and am a marathon runner. When I found out I was pregnant my Dr said I could continue to work out and teach classes as long as my heart rate doesn't go above 140 bpm, so, basically, that means no running or HIIT workouts or kickboxing, so  I went from working out 1-2 hrs a day hard to getting in 30 mins of biking or something light and 1 hour of weight lifting a week.  I gained 10 lbs in my first trimester, but the Dr said that was okay given I went from burning 1000+ calories a day working out to about 200 a day now that I can't work out the way I like to. It's very hard to see my body changing like that when I have always been lean and in top condition.

You have to remember and my Dr confirmed this, that *most* people don't work out regularly, its something like 1-2% of the population start and keep a workout regimen,  so for those of us who have to slow down, we will gain more weigh, even with no changes to our diet, than the people who never worked out to begin with.  Does that make sense?

Don't beat yourself up about it--just tell yourself that you are doing the best you can and that is all anyone can ask of you!

nola 1017

If this were my hubby, I'd tell him to shove it. I'm sorry he's being so critical. I'm sure it's intended in a good way, but really, the last thing you need is to be pressured about working out and/or your weight gain. My friend is 6 weeks ahead of me, and she's gained about 10 pounds already. I say 5 lbs is nothing! Big hugs to you.

jengelz

Man, us March mamma's are freaking awesome! You ladies rock! Thank you again for ALL of your input.

The good news is I had my appointment today - NO weight gain?! I was and still am shocked. I guess it's all just nasty bloat. My god, it's so uncomfortable! Of course, I brought all of this up with the OB and she laughed, said to take it easy, but then in the next breath said that every pregnant woman should do some sort of cardio EVERY DAY FOR AT LEAST 45 MINUTES! I think she might be living in a fantasy world. I'm HOPING to work out every other day once my 2nd trimester kicks in, since everyone says that is when you get your energy back... but heck... there is no way I could keep up that pace right now!

Hubby reiterated that he just wants me and the baby to be healthy... when I pointed out that I didn't gain any weight (I should mention that weight has always been a sensitive topic for me since I was a child!) he said he couldn't care less about that - he just wants me to be healthy. I know what he means. Right now its just SO difficult to get motivated to work out when the energy reserves are zapped just from walking the dogs or doing daily errands. Blech.

So all in all, everything is good. I got a REALLY awesome 13 week photo of my peanut and got to hear it's heartbeat. I'm a happy camper.