How do you deal with DH being gone? — The Bump
Military Families

How do you deal with DH being gone?

So I am board jumping, but my DH is in talks with a recruiter. This has always been a dream of his & I truly, honestly support him 100%.

But he is my best, best friend. We have 2 small children &, even though I SAH, he is just as involved as a parent as I am. I'm sure there's no trick & it just comes with experience, but I can't even wrap my mind around him not being here everyday. 

Is there some secret? Sad

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Re: How do you deal with DH being gone?

  • I moved in with my parents.

    haha

    no seriously, the support from friends and family and his unit are crucial. he may or may not deploy a lot.. My dh had been in over 5 years and is just now on his first deployment.

    You never know how it will be, but you will make it! You just have to be strong, be supportive and enjoy the ride. We love the air force and the life it has given us! Yes its hard some times ,but worth it!

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  • I live with my mom while he is gone.  I don't have any friends here, so it is hard, but take advantage of all of the support that the base offers.  

    I also set appointments and use those as a milestone to getting closer to seeing DH again.  For example, at the end of the month is DS's 4 month dr appointment, and after that it'll be X days until DH comes home!  Next month my sister visits, and it'll be Y days until DH comes home!  That helps a lot too. 

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  • My husband has been in for 5 years now and deployed 3 of those all over a year one was 15 months. :(

    IT SUCKS!! but you just take one day at a time and the time goes by (very slowly)

    there are lots of things you can do to help feel like daddy is here still and have the kids remember my son is 13 months and my husbands been gone for the last 5 months  he will be here in two weeks for two weeks then gone another 9 months so we will see soon if he really does remember but when we skype it really sounds like he does. its hard them being gone but its our life its what we do!

    if you have any questions you can just pm me :D

     

  • My DH has been in 10 years and I think learning to deal with a deployment is only half the battle. It is hard to learn that even when he is home he works late and is gone a lot. Find friends, get involved in the community, and really work to have your own life and bloom where you are planted so to speak. I try to find play groups, meet neighbors, joined a spouses group, etc. Staying busy is key all the time. It has been an amazing ride the last 10 years and I have met people I will never forget.
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  • This is my first deployment, and I am pregnant. DH has missed out on the entire thing and will miss the birth....BUT I remind myself all the time how lucky I am...For instance, his deployment is only 7 months....I am lucky it's not a year. I also look to my family for support, and that has helped me so much.
    My husband and I are so incredibly close, but even though he is gone, I have kept a positive attitude, and it has really helped this deployment FLY by. It's all about your attitude. If you sit at home and feel sorry for yourself the whole time, then the deployment will suck and drag on...If you can find the positive and stay active, like visiting friends or family, going on walks, etc etc...then it really helps the deployment go by!
    EDD 10/11/11


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  • You never like it, but you learn to deal with it and make the best of it. Once you learn its okay to have a bad day and ok to get upset, its a lot better. Definitely find a support system, whether its the other military wives in his unit, your family, etc. I've found other military spouses to be better than my family as they know what I'm going through, sympathise, but also force me out of any funk.
    ~*~ Nikki ~*~ DS born 2/18/08! TTC #2 since 01/2009 11/01 Round #5 Clomid 100 mg, IUI 11/14, at 10dpiui 11/26 Beta:12dpiui 114 11/29 Beta:15dpiui 755 1/9/10 First U/S: TRIPLETS! 6/20/11 And then there were six... http://andbabiesmakesix.wordpress.com/ Lilypie Premature Baby tickers
  • You just do it.  What other choice do you have?  There are good days and there are bad days.  Sometimes, you have to put on an extra pair of big girl panties to make it through, but you still make it through. 
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  • imageiluvmytxrgr:
    You just do it.  What other choice do you have?  There are good days and there are bad days.  Sometimes, you have to put on an extra pair of big girl panties to make it through, but you still make it through. 
    This. At times it just plain sucks. When we met, he had already been in three years, so frequent travel was the norm for us. He didnt deploy for the first time until he had been in 9 years, so I will admit that was hard. We really just don't know anything else....
    b/w=FSH 15.6, AMH 0.4 surprise natural BFP on 3/12/11
    DS born via unplanned C-section at 40w6d

    image

  • I appreciate your responses ladies.

    I totally understand the "deal with it" philosophy. Sometimes it's just nice to hear other people struggle as well, you know?

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  • I kept myself busy while he was gone. It was a different time because we weren't married and didnt have a baby yet. I planned our wedding while he was gone. It gave me something to do.
    image.
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