Anyone else have a runner? How to deal?

cs1007

I wrote about this briefly in another post, but basicly, my DS has really come out o his shell and has become quite the runner. He runs away, no matter where we go :parks, playgrounds, the library, zoo, beach....Anytime we go anywhere, he is running the other way, usually to an area that is not even fun/safe. It makes playdates impossible, and it takes the enjoyment out of these activities that he should be enjoying.

When I chase after him, he just thinks it is a game, and he thinks 'time out' or sitting in the corner is a game too, so discipline has been a failure. Any suggestions, other than staying home?? TIA!

F&G777

I would like to know a problem to this issue too...My DD has NO FEAR & runs away constantly..I can never take her anywhere by myself b/c I am 6 months pregnant & can't waddle fast enough to get her...

fignewt74

I have a runner too (fortunately it does get better as they get older but) here are a couple of thoughts:

1.  I have started writing my cell phone number on his arm in the event that he actually does get so far away that I cannot find him ((shudder))

2.  I bought this but rarely use it anymore:  https://www.leapsandbounds.com/catalog/product.jsp?productId=535799&parentCategoryId=85194&categoryId=85247

I have also put DS on a leash when it is crucial he stays close (ie. airport)

3.  The most effective thing for us was not actually any of the items above, but was simply having a conversation about how important it is for us to stay close.  As we are getting out of the car to go someplace, we have a discussion about it, including what the consequence will be if he runs.  If he starts to get too far away, I remind him of our rules and it usually stops him.  If he is feeling particularly defiant that day and starts running anyway, he will suffer the consequence (leaving, being carried, sitting in the grocery cart, etc.)

The ladies on here were really helpful to me when I was going through this, so I am hoping to pay it forward.  Good luck!

F&G777

fignewt74:

I have a runner too (fortunately it does get better as they get older but) here are a couple of thoughts:

1.  I have started writing my cell phone number on his arm in the event that he actually does get so far away that I cannot find him ((shudder))

2.  I bought this but rarely use it anymore:  https://www.leapsandbounds.com/catalog/product.jsp?productId=535799&parentCategoryId=85194&categoryId=85247

I have also put DS on a leash when it is crucial he stays close (ie. airport)

3.  The most effective thing for us was not actually any of the items above, but was simply having a conversation about how important it is for us to stay close.  As we are getting out of the car to go someplace, we have a discussion about it, including what the consequence will be if he runs.  If he starts to get too far away, I remind him of our rules and it usually stops him.  If he is feeling particularly defiant that day and starts running anyway, he will suffer the consequence (leaving, being carried, sitting in the grocery cart, etc.)

The ladies on here were really helpful to me when I was going through this, so I am hoping to pay it forward.  Good luck!

Thanks for this advice....with a new lil guy on the way...I am so nervous that I will not be able to 'get' her if she takes off (in a store) - she is pretty good in parking lots - but stores, malls, forget it....my husband has to run after her....it's terrifying....with my new guy I'm not going to be able to drop everything & run & get her...I will not be taking them out alone for a LONG time....it's too scary for me...and I don't think she understands the consequences...

azcobride

My son is a runner...sometimes. He is usually pretty good about staying close but every so often he takes off. Although this sounds a bit strange, something that worked for us was our dog running away. My dog ran off when I was alone with DS and we had to chase after him. My son was so upset about the dog running away and got very scared. Afterward we had a conversation about that is how I feel when he runs away and how running away is dangerous. Now, whenever he starts to run, I remind of how scary it was when the dog ran away and he usually stops. Seems strange, but it worked for us!

lewis514

DD and I talk about her staying by me pretty much every time we go out and I think that the repetition helps her a lot. I rarely have an issue with her running away. She actually tells me now "I don't run away from Mommy."

When I get her out of the carseat, I remind her there are a lot of cars so we have to hold hands. In the beginning, I would actually point out a moving car and tell her that she has to stay close so it doesn't hurt her. We do this too when we are outside playing if we are near our street.

When we're in a store or mall, I still bring her stroller. She can sit in the stroller or I hung a binky clip to the stroller clip and she has to hold that. That way she has some independence but she is staying close. I try to give her the choice "do you want to hold onto to the pink or sit in the stroller?"

In the beginning if she ran away, we immediately left where we were (even to go to a different part of the mall) & I would pick her up, which she didn't like.

BMenz

Me!

I still bring his stroller if we go to the mall or somewhere where there will be a lot of walking.

I've done the talking about not running away, making sure we always hold hands, keeping him in the cart (he throws himself over the side to get out) and he knows how to unbuckle the buckle in the cart so I've had to resort to the "someone might take you if you run away from me, and I won't see you again" - he responds to that and gets sad saying that he would miss me (yes it's that bad.....I almost had to call a Code Adam in Walmart one day because he took off and I couldn't find him)  

Ilumine

We do three things:

1) we use our leash when in public places where we cannot afford a dash or scene. 

2) we have a "run away and we leave" rule.  We go to a park and she runs away, we leave.  We go to the walkplaz for icecream, she runs away we leave. 

We do not even give her the opportunity to return either.  We want to stop the behavior before she does it.  So if she runs, we catch her and go. 

3) For places where we just cannot pick up and leave (like a day trip to the Bruxelles Beer fest, where mom and dad just had a beer), we use the stroller.  She will get strapped in the stroller and put in a corner for the rest of the trip.  She HATES being in the stroller unless she is tired. 

And the ONLY time I have ever spanked my DD was when she ran away from me, looked at me when I called her back and then continued to run - INTO a busy street. 

It kept her on track for about a week...but then the lure of the game overcame her memory of the swat on her hiney-butt.   But if she ever runs into the street again, I may spank her again. 

anonsouthernbell

I try to remind Matthew before we go someplace.  I hold his hand by the wrist whenever we are close to a street/parking lot, etc.  (I also remind him why we have to be careful in those places.)  Lastly, when we does run away when he is not supposed to, I go and grab him by the hand and bring him back to where he was before he took off.  I remind him that he needs to ask permission.  (When I first started doing this I had to give him the words to do so, but now he does it by himself once prompted).  It is important though to actually allow him to sometimes when he asks permission.  So if it is a place where he shouldn't be playing you could say yes but you have to hold my hand and we can go over and look at X.  I find this works out great and I really don't get too much fuss when he can't go do something.

(The only consequence that I have to do w/my son is pick him up and carry him if he isn't listening, etc. as that is a terrible punishment for him as he is very independent.  After 30 secs/1 min if he asks again I will remind him what the expectations are and give him another chance, which almost always works).