Hello. I have a "scenario" question for you.

just_peachy · August 2011

Say my little one wakes up in the middle of the night and starts crying...the crying escalates and he becomes fully awake and starts screaming for "Mommy! Mommy!"

And mommy goes in and comforts him and lays down with him and he calms down and goes back to sleep.

But it's a repetitive pattern....would you continue to go in and comfort him or just let him exhaust himself?

My hearts breaks a thousand pieces when I hear him cry like that but I know he thinks of me as his "lovey" and when I'm not in there with him (he sometimes falls asleep on me and I am changing that habit as best as I can) he starts to cry and cry.

What would you do?

stgn01 · August 2011

I would say CIO. It sounds like he needs to learn to help himself fall back to sleep without you. I did CIO with DD, but that was when she was a baby. I would imagine it would be a lot different if I did it now, or even at 21 months. Your LO knows a lot more now and knows that he wants you. I don't know if I could do that at this point. Hearing my DD cry for me and me not coming in would break my heart.

Nevermind. I'm no help. Sorry.

mara005 · August 2011

At some point I would probably let him cry, but I know what you mean, it would break my heart too!

Dreamsicle23 · August 2011

CIO. If he does it over and over when nothing is wrong, he's playing you.

Angela814 · August 2011

What would I do? I'd go in and lay down with him or bring him to bed with me so we could both sleep. I'd also introduce a blankie or small stuffed animal as a lovey to hopefully take my place.

Greyfaery · August 2011

I know what you mean. It's a whole different ballpark when they start calling "Mommy" instead of just crying. Honestly, though, if nothing is bothering him then I would try CIO. As PP already said...he might just be trying to play you.

just_peachy · August 2011

ok....we'll see how it goes tonight.

Fingers crossed and thanks for the input!

Arnegard · August 2011

Not any better, but I pull DD into our bed and she sleeps there half the nights.

NewMommy423 · August 2011

Oh, he's totally playing you, but if my DD did that I wouldn't be able to resist.

DreadLoc · August 2011

I wouldn't cry it out, but that's me. It's not something I'm willing to do at this point.

I don't have a problem waking up to comfort LO so I don't see a point in changing anything. Cast aside your 'what am I supposed to do' thoughts and think about the situation and how you feel about it. If you're fine with the way things are, why change them? You have the rest of his life to change things, you don't have to rush into anything. But if you're tired, you're daily life is suffering, or his waking up is making you emotional, then look into sleep training methods.

Do what's best for you and your family, not what's best for anyone else. GL!

WonderWoman27 · August 2011

maybe give him a blanket to grab and cuddle with when he gets like that. idk. I hate to say CIO, because I could never do that. ESPECIALLY if DD would be crying out Mommy, mommy. No way could I do that. hmmmm, maybe you could just go in and comfort him, sing a song or something, pat his back (and not a full out cuddle), then leave him while he's still awake. If he cries, let him cry for 5 minutes (it's the middle of the night, he's probably really tired, maybe he'll go right to sleep).

If he is still up, try getting S/O to go in there to put him back to sleep. I did that a few times when DD was older cause it would take me an hour to get her back to sleep when she wasn't feeling good and wake up at night and it would take DH 5-10 minutes to get her back to sleep. I know he is probably playing you, but if you can't let him CIO, like I wouldn't be able to do, you gotta think of other ways to get him to go back to sleep.

Kingston54 · August 2011

I'd ABSOLUTELY continue to comfort him. There's no way I could hear him yell "Mommy" and let him CIO.

Annie984 · August 2011

I would go to him, but we've been bedsharing since birth, so take it for what it's worth.

hikerbeth · August 2011

Yep, at some point I would let him cry. I would definitely try to get him to love some object (even if it's just a t-shirt that smells like you).

At this point you should be fairly in-tune to his cries. . . so as long as he's not hurting (physically) or starting an illness or something, I would let him cry for a bit.

bump54321 · August 2011

*Kingston*:
I'd ABSOLUTELY continue to comfort him. There's no way I could hear him yell "Mommy" and let him CIO.

This. But as a PP said, we have bedshared since DS came home from NICU and I hate CIO, so take my opinion as you will....

MrsWindyCity · August 2011

*Kingston*:
I'd ABSOLUTELY continue to comfort him. There's no way I could hear him yell "Mommy" and let him CIO.

Ditto. Especially if he calms back down/falls back asleep quickly when you go in.

ClaireBennett · September 2011

We had a similar issue, we gave her a heavy baby (a waldorf style doll that weights about 5 lbs to sleep with) and it helped tremendously. I think she felt like someone was in there with her. When she does wake up, I still go in there and comfort her. They're only little for so long and soon they won't want our comforting anymore.

bella&baby · September 2011

I deal with this every night too.

I have just started spending less time comforting him. Unfortunately, things have gotten a little more drawn out now that he wants to go potty when he wakes up. But after I deal with potty, re-diapering and getting him dressed, I just put him back in bed and tell him it's still night time and he needs to go back to sleep.

Sometimes he cries, sometimes he doesn't. When he does, I feel it out and decide when/whether to go back in based on his crying.

What has made this work is that I don't ever spend more than a minute or two comforting him. I'll hug him over the crib railing, tell him he needs more sleep, lay him back down and leave.

It's great. I don't feel upset when he wakes up because I KNOW I won't be spending a lot of time getting him back to sleep. Going back to sleep is his job, I just make sure he knows I'm there, I love him, and I want him to get some sleep.

rubredvelvet · September 2011

I would go in and comfort. Letting him CIO, is just what you said- letting him cry until he is exhausted, not necessarily him 'learning' to go to sleep. Maybe go in there and rest with him, bring him a shirt of yours and slip it in after he goes to sleep? Maybe bring him to bed with you, or if old enough move to a toddler bed and lay with him there...

BelleIsa · September 2011

NewMommy423:
Oh, he's totally playing you, but if my DD did that I wouldn't be able to resist.

This.

My DD doesn't call out for 'mama' yet (even though she'll say it in other contexts) and I know when she does it'll be hard to resist...

bride2be79 · September 2011

If you go in as soon as you hear him and just shush him and pat his back does he go back to sleep? This is what we do with DD. It works really well. She knows we are there but because we intervene before she is really awake and screaming she calms down and just rolls over and goes back to sleep. Frankly, I need my sleep too so CIO in the middle of the night was just never going to happen in my house. FWIW, my DD rarely wakes up once she goes to sleep and this works 9 times out 10. I figure on the nights it doesn't work and she's really screaming she's probably had a bad dream or something and CIO would just make the situation worse.

mommytoconnor · September 2011

I havd dealt with this same thing. My son would cry and I would go in and comfort him and yes it would stop. However with that being said, by doing this you are also reinforcing that when they cry for whatever reason you will come in, so they learn that this is what gets them attention. I really struggled with the whole cry it out thing. I just wanted to comfort him but soon realized that he was in fact crying to get me to come in and they need to learn to self soothe. So my pediatrician advised me to let him cry for only about 5 minutes, then go in, don't pick him up, but wrap your arms around him for a hug and say it's night night and leave the room. Of course this makes it worse the first time you do it, but after a few days of this, every night it's much less crying and then it stopped. Kids are smart and they do know how to get attention. I know it's hard but I am so glad I was able to do sort of a modified cry it out. My son sleeps much better and when he wakes he will make a few quick sounds and he gets himself back to sleep very quickly. Also the build a bear thing is a great idea. Good Luck.