NBR: Wedding Gift — The Bump
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NBR: Wedding Gift

If you are invited to a wedding, with the invitation extended to the dance but not the dinner, do you give the same amount for a gift as you would if you were invited to the entire reception?

This is a debate between my husband and I, as it is his family's practice to only have selected people invited to the dinner, but the expectation is that you attend the weddding, then wait 4+ hours for the speeches/dancing to start.

Truthfully, it is just something never heard of until I met him and, as a result, am unsure of the proper gift-giving proceedure.

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Re: NBR: Wedding Gift

  • It's a pretty common practice around here. We did it for our wedding due to space constraints. When I have attended other weddings where I've been invited to the ceremony and dance, I have spent a little less on the gift than on weddings where I was invited to the entire thing. I wouldn't worry too much about how much you spend, rather worry about whether you are happy with the gift you get the couple.
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  • Thanks for your response!

    I appreciate the fact that there are space constraints for some couples, but his entire side does this.  It is just the norm for them.  Personally, I just wouldn't feel comfortable inviting 300+ people to a wedding in which the majority of people are coming from out of town, and then not providing them with some form of meal, etc., but having them wait around for 5 and a half hours between the ceremony and the dance.  (Can you tell I am a little frustrated with the 4 weddings we have been to this summer in which this has happened?)

    As for the gift, I generally purchase from the Registry for Shower gifts, but we always give cash for the wedding gift, so I suppose I was really just wanting to know if it is alright to give a little less, as the cost is obviously significantly less?

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  • People really do that?! I've never heard of it and I find it very odd.
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  • I'd never heard of anything like that and I, too, would be a little frustrated, specially if I was coming from OOT

    I think is totally ok to give a little less money for the gift

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  • I have never heard of this!  I think it would be fine to give a smaller gift if you are just going for the later part of the reception.  

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  • I've never heard that. Seems rude. I would definitely give a smaller gift.
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  • image christine_marie:
    People really do that?! I've never heard of it and I find it very odd.

    I've never heard of it here either. I would be offended if someone did this. 

    I would give them less, offended or not.

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    11-15-08
    12-1-10
  • image BeerBeck:

    Thanks for your response!

    I appreciate the fact that there are space constraints for some couples, but his entire side does this.  It is just the norm for them.  Personally, I just wouldn't feel comfortable inviting 300+ people to a wedding in which the majority of people are coming from out of town, and then not providing them with some form of meal, etc., but having them wait around for 5 and a half hours between the ceremony and the dance.  (Can you tell I am a little frustrated with the 4 weddings we have been to this summer in which this has happened?)

    As for the gift, I generally purchase from the Registry for Shower gifts, but we always give cash for the wedding gift, so I suppose I was really just wanting to know if it is alright to give a little less, as the cost is obviously significantly less?

    UGH. My MIL tried to convince me to do this with our wedding. I said um, heck no. I find it incredibly rude. Then, it's how they did SIL's wedding. Seeing it in practice I realized, yep, I was right. SUPER RUDE!

    So to answer your question, you betcha I would give less. But, I tend to get pretty butt hurt about stuff like that too.

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  • I can understand space constraints and wouldn't get butthurt about it, but is is incredibly rude to expect someone to wait around for several hours after a wedding for the dance. If space/money is an issue, then a small reception with just light snacks/appetizers should be served for everyone invited to the wedding, and only the selected few actually invited to the dinner and dance.

    Personally, if I care about someone to invite them to the main event, I would invite them to dinner, which helps me limit the guest list for both to reasonable means.

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  • Generally, when people do it around here, out of town guests are invited to the meal. We barely had any out of town guests. And we did supply an appetizer buffet for after. It was a very informal reception. So there was food. Plus my dad offered to pay for the booze for an open bar at the last minute.

    It was the only way we could afford to have everyone on our guest list there. In the end, everyone that came got fed.

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