January 2012 Moms

Anyone else's husband....

Not interested in sex? I was never particularly in to sex pre-pregnancy, but our sex life right now has really got me down. Before last weekend we hadn't had sex in about 4 weeks, and then when we finally did, J basically stopped halfway through and said he didn't need to finish. When I asked him why we hadn't had sex in weeks he said he just thought it was "weird". This is particularly tough for me because ive always had body issues, and for once, during this pregnancy, I actually feel pretty confident. It wouldn't be such a big deal if we were intimate in other ways, but we don't even kiss open-mouthed unless were having sex. He might give me little tap on the butt or an obnoxious squeeze of my breasts, but nothing at all that feels good. I told J how I feel but it hasn't made any difference in the past week. Wondering if anyone else is dealing with this and if maybe there's something I should try other than just leaving it to "happen when it happens".

Re: Anyone else's husband....

  • Sounds identical to my DH and I think its part of the reason I've been so ill and grouchy towards him.  Even though I tell him its not a big deal...he says "its awkward".  Since my BFP we have only had sex once.  It's really gotten me down.  I don't think there is anything I can do to change his mind on how he feels. 

    I suppose that I will just continue to wait it out when the moment arises...if not...I guess that I will just keep waiting :


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  • Yes, DH is also weirded out by sex when I'm pg. When I was pg with my DS it was frustrating but this time around I have ZERO libido so his disinterest is kind of nice.

    I know it's tough, but try not to take it personally. You're growing another human, something a man can't really wrap his head around because he's not capable of doing it. DH is always saying how strange it must be to grow a belly almost overnight and feel something moving inside of me. I think it gets hard for some men to think of their spouses in a sexual way when they're pregnant.

    I'm sorry you're feeling so down. :( Hopefully your DH will come around and you'll get some action!

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  • We really haven't had much sex.  He says he doesn't want to initiate anything, because he's never sure how I'm feeling.  So he's still up for it, but I'm not always up for it and he works a lot and is always tired.  However, he did tell me that if he gets "kicked" during sex, he's done.  Not just done for the night, but done done.  Great.  We'll see how that goes... 

    Hopefully your DH works his issues with this out.  Try not to take it personally, he's probably just worried about the baby and that's a good thing (even if he's being irrational about it).  It's not that he's not interested in you, it's like he can't take his mind off the baby during it, which probably makes finishing not much fun for him.  Good luck hun!

    Married DH - December 2006, Started TTC - July 2009, BFP - May 15, 2011 (round #1 chlomid) Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Image and video hosting by TinyPic Image and video hosting by TinyPic Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • We just broke our "drought."  DH wouldn't have sex and he blamed it on being worried about my cervix (it WAS a concern, but dr never said anything about pelvic rest).  When my doctor asked me on Monday if we had any questions, I blurted out "he won't have sex with me!"  We all laughed, and doctor reassured him it was fine.  He was all over it after that, even though I was a little weirded out by it.



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  • My DH is almost the opposite.  He wants it but is being very forgiving with my "not interested" attitude.  I even turn down cuddling which makes me feel bad b/c he really wants to cuddle at night. I don't even want to touch him :(
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  • I wish it was as simple as him being concerned with "poking/hurting/jostling" baby, but it didn't seem like that's what he thought was "weird". I really could do without the sex, like I said I wasn't that in to sex before, but I need SOME kind of intimacy and true sex is really the only "intimacy" we've ever had (which is pretty sad itself) so I'm not sure what I might try instead?
  • Sorry sweetie.  I know the feeling all too well.  I let my feelings get hurt pretty badly when I was pregnant with my daughter.  We were newlyweds and it went from every day, sometimes more on weekends to nothing at all.  It was around halfway through the pregnancy and I thought it was because he wasn't feeling attracted.  I let it fester for a long time because I have body issues and had issues with the weight gain myself.

    When we finally got around to talking about it he said it was weird.  Basically, all he could think about was the baby, and it distracted him to the point of disinterest.  There is hope, his interest picked back up a few weeks later of it's own accord and with added gusto :) and stayed strong to the end.  But that was a hurdle he had to jump on his own.  I couldn't help him with it. While I was waiting for him, I forced him to remember how to just make out again. 

    This time our dry spells have more to do with him being exhausted or sick than not being interested.

  • DH is not that interested in sex, but i might add he wasnt that interested in it before. Not that we go weeks without, but usually only have sex twice a week when I would like it every day! 
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  • My sex drive is always 10000x more than DHs. 
    We have done it maybe twice since my BFP. I blame on his work though. He is just so exhausted at the end of the day.


    Still.. it is KILLING ME!
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    evelyn 4.2010 | will 1.2012 | baby BOY due 12.2014
    pregnant and/or breastfeeding since 2009.

  • He is busy working on his thesis right now, so between working full time and going to school full time and typing his thesis, I see him at dinner time. 

    Our issue is just scheduling ahhaha 

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  • I kinda wish I was in this situation. DH wants it all the time and I just have no intrest. He is the one telling me he feel like I am not into him. I love him and am sexually attracted to him but I am just tired and don't feel like it. Sorry about how you are feeling though.

    Maybe try and do a special dinner, put on sexy bra and underwear. Or cook in just your apron(if you own one) lol. Just some ideas to maybe turn him on.

                     7/08, 1/12, 2/14, Due with baby #4  2/12/16 
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  • Not just your DH. I wasn't really big into sex, while my DH could do it every day (multiple times a day). Since the BFP, we've only had sex two or three times- all fairly early on. 

    I apologized to him earlier this week that I haven't been up to it or doing "my duties" and he said it wasn't on me completely since he still feels weird about it. For him to admit something like that is huge since I know sex is a big part of our relationship and it's usually me putting on the brakes...

    So- try not to take it personally. I think a lot of men are sensitive when it comes to this and just don't know how to explain it.  

    DD 1.18.2012
  • Thanks for the responses ladies. Glad to know i'm not alone.
  • imageDEBBIE33CASEY:
    My DH is almost the opposite.  He wants it but is being very forgiving with my "not interested" attitude.  I even turn down cuddling which makes me feel bad b/c he really wants to cuddle at night. I don't even want to touch him :(

    This! I was so sick during the first trimester that there was no way in heck I was interested in being romantic in any form! We had sex a couple of times when I actually didn't feel like I was dying. He was really understanding though, I think he knew better than to take it personally. I wasn't rejecting him...I was rejecting the thought of throwing up on him Stick out tongue Same for cuddling now! It takes me forever to get comfortable, so I'll cuddle a bit but then I need my own space to sprawl out for comfort.

     

  • thanks for sharing ladies. reassuring to know we are not the only couple having similar issues.
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