sex drive missing - advice please (long) — The Bump
October 2011 Moms

sex drive missing - advice please (long)

So I'm pretty sure I'm asexual now... I haven't had any desire whatsoever for the vast majority of this pregnancy. For a long time, I tried to just fake it until I felt it for DH's sake, but lately (like the last 2 months) I've been really bad. DH feels completely neglected & I feel terrible for neglecting him, but I just don't want it at all. It's not that it's painful or uncomfortable even, the few times we have done it in the last couple months were actually really enjoyable if not just a little humorous. The thing is, I want to feel close to him & I just don't. I feel like maybe if there was a little more closeness without the thought of sex coming into play (like cuddling or whatever) would make me feel a little more desire.

But when I explained that to him, he just said "oh so it's my fault". I tried to explain to him that my hormones combined with my constant exhaustion just makes me have no desire.

I don't really know what to do - anyone else experiencing this? What have you done to make DH feel wanted?

I have placenta previa that was found at 20 weeks - my lack of desire is so bad that I've actually wanted my docs to put me on pelvic rest. I feel terrible about it but I just don't know what to do.

Re: sex drive missing - advice please (long)

  • imagedanes22:
    imagelisamonkee11:

    So I'm pretty sure I'm asexual now... I haven't had any desire whatsoever for the vast majority of this pregnancy. For a long time, I tried to just fake it until I felt it for DH's sake, but lately (like the last 2 months) I've been really bad. DH feels completely neglected & I feel terrible for neglecting him, but I just don't want it at all. It's not that it's painful or uncomfortable even, the few times we have done it in the last couple months were actually really enjoyable if not just a little humorous. The thing is, I want to feel close to him & I just don't. I feel like maybe if there was a little more closeness without the thought of sex coming into play (like cuddling or whatever) would make me feel a little more desire.

    But when I explained that to him, he just said "oh so it's my fault". I tried to explain to him that my hormones combined with my constant exhaustion just makes me have no desire.

    I don't really know what to do - anyone else experiencing this? What have you done to make DH feel wanted?

    I have placenta previa that was found at 20 weeks - my lack of desire is so bad that I've actually wanted my docs to put me on pelvic rest. I feel terrible about it but I just don't know what to do.

    If you are enjoying it when you do have sex (and from the bolded part it sounds like you do) then I would just try to do things to get yourself in the mood- kissing, cuddling, massage, porn- whatever you need to do.  There are plenty of times when I don't really feel like having sex but I initiate it anyways because I know once we get going I will enjoy it.

    This.

    Photobucket "...let's rewrite an ending that fits" Mom to DS 6/1999 and DD 1/2008 TTC #3 8/2010 M/C 10/2010 BFP 2/2/11 EDD 10/17/11 On our way to Baby #3 Stick Baby Stick!
  • i haven't been feeling it either....i just make sure DH is still happy (if you know what i mean), and with cuddling before and after i still feel the closeness we have always had and we are both happy. 
    photo IMG_3757_zps3e266e57.jpg Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker "Sometimes I am two people. Johnny is the nice one. Cash causes all the trouble. They fight." - Johnny Cash
  • Loading the player...
  • I totally feel your pain. I've been sick (nausea, vomitting) this ENTIRE pregnancy and it makes me feel completely undesirable. DH also read that orgasms can cause contractions, so he's terrified to even touch me. BUT, we have found other ways to connect. We work together on baby's room and go shopping together. We cuddle on the couch and make sure we eat dinner at the dining room table at least three or four times a week. I feel closer to DH than ever. See if you can find other ways to be intimate with your SO without the need for sex. Good Luck!  
    Heidi
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards