"Breaking up" with my OBGYN — The Bump
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"Breaking up" with my OBGYN

I am going to my OBGYN for my first appointment, but then I plan to switch to a midwife with hopes of having a home birth. Of course, this means I have to "break up" with my OBGYN.

He's a great doctor and I plan to return to him for annuals after Babysaurus arrives. I know he would support my in my wishes to have a natural birth in a hospital...BUT he participates in a program that helps underserved and rural areas where OBGYNs travel 2 weeks out of every month to help women with high-risk pregnancies who don't have local access to an OBGYN for their birth because of where they live. This means he is in Alaska half the time! I think he's great for doing it, but I also think that if I ended up with a doctor I never met in my life delivering my baby, s/he might not respect my birth plan, might pressure me to accept interventions, or even misread my records and give me an antibiotic I am allergic to (this happened to somebody I know! scary). Hence, the home birth plan.

Anyhow,  I don't want him to think I don't like him or his care, and I'd like to come back in the future. How can I temporarily part ways with him in a polite fashion? Any moms here have advice on how to do it right?

[IMG]http://i977.photobucket.com/albums/ae252/AlyssaA449/867369qdmIV4H-1.gif[/IMG]

Re: "Breaking up" with my OBGYN

  • He sounds like a compassionate person, so I would think you can just explain this to him just like you did here. GL!
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  • I was honest with my midwife (where I had my c/s) and since I wasn't comfortable with the restrictions they had for a VBAC I would be switching.  I went back to my old practice to get my IUD and continue care with them and my midwife was very happy to see me.  I like her, it just wasn't in line with my birth plans.
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  • I told my dr after our first appointment I was thinking of delivering at the birthing center and working with the midwives affiliated with his hospital and he was completely supportive.  I expect I'll go back to him afterwards for the routine stuff.  Your doctor sounds like he'd be completely understanding of your wishes. 
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  • I kind of went through this earlier in my pregnancy. I was seeing a group of CNM's while waiting for a birth center I wanted to go to get approval for my insurance. Luckily for me, it got approved. I would have stayed with the CNM's if it hadn't. But I just called them before my next appointment to cancel and let them know I was transferring. They were totally understanding. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Your doc sounds like a good guy, I'm sure he will understand.

  • I didn't get to tell my doctor, but I told the NP.  She said that I was a good candidate for home birth and good luck.  I've gone back for my annual and the two times I've had mastitis.
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  • If you really feel the need to tell him (which I would have probably skipped and then told him about my homebirth after I returned PP), I would be direct. 

    Just tell him you are switching to a homebirth with a MW and you look forward to resuming your care with him after the baby is born.  Don't apologize or ask what he thinks.   If he questions your choice, just tell him that you have done your research and this is the right decision for your family.

    I wouldn't go into the whole thing about him traveling...I mean, you didn't decide on a homebirth because he travels.  It is irrelevant and would make you look wishy washy about your decision. 

    GL


    Lilypie - (ZESJ)Lilypie - (QAi1)

  • I don't think a relationship with an ob/gyn is one that's so close you have to explain yourself like this.  You simply decided to go somewhere else.  I bet he won't care.  You coming back for annuals is enough acknowledgment that the issue wasn't that you didn't like him or his care. 

    I told my dr (before I knew I'd HAVE to keep seeing him as high risk) that I wanted a midwife LOL  I guess that could have been seen as rude - sitting on his exam chair telling him I wanted to go somewhere else!  But he just said he doesn't prefer that kind of care for first time moms just because you have no clue what kind of problems may arise since she's never dealt with pregnancy before. (in my case that totally turned out to be truth since I now know I have an incompetant cervix) And you have to be careful in picking a midwife because some have no formal medical experience; he doesn't like lay persons as opposed to CNMs.  No big deal.  Even had I gone to the midwife I would have come back to him for anything else I needed from an ob/gyn. 

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  • image pinksweetpea2:

    If you really feel the need to tell him (which I would have probably skipped and then told him about my homebirth after I returned PP), I would be direct. 

    Just tell him you are switching to a homebirth with a MW and you look forward to resuming your care with him after the baby is born.  Don't apologize or ask what he thinks.   If he questions your choice, just tell him that you have done your research and this is the right decision for your family.

    I wouldn't go into the whole thing about him traveling...I mean, you didn't decide on a homebirth because he travels.  It is irrelevant and would make you look wishy washy about your decision. 

    GL

    This.  I recently "broke up" with my OB and it did not go well.  MH and I had decided on a stand alone birth center and given how compassionate and caring my OB was through our miscarriages I wanted to let him know of our plans and thank him for all he did to support us.  This back fired and he went with the full court press to try and change our minds -- think text book OB reaction throwing out death, brain damage, etc.  Not to say this is how all OB's would react, but I guess it's important to think about how this may impact you before you say anything, i.e., will it upset you, make you question your choice, etc.   



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  • Thanks for all your info and advice, ladies!

    I guess I should have clarified a little that I am pretty close with my OBGYN because I'm a little high maintenance. My regular doctor is pretty far away, so I go to my OBGYN for a lot of things that he's technically qualified to do, but that most of the women I know consider regular doctor territory (like a UTI, for example). I also had persistent yeast infections and was seeing him once a month for a little while! It's to the point where we remember the names of each other's pets.

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