Feeling sad today

nomadica

I don't know what made me do it, but I was reading today about typical development for an 18 month old, and it made me feel very sad and pessimistic. For example, I read about trying to use humor to get your child to take a bath- like pretending to get in the bathtub with all your clothes on, and how that is guaranteed to be hysterical to a kid. Well, DS would have no idea what that meant and it certainly wouldn't make him laugh. I also read about involving your child in the daily routine. DS doesn't understand something as simple as the concept of throwing trash away, he certainly can't help me cook dinner.

Ugh, I shouldn't have read about it. DS has been making great strides and I know I should only be comparing him to him, and be joyful about the progress he's making. But for some reason this just feels like being punched in the stomach, to be reminded that he is not typical, and we do not know what is in store for him.

LeoLove

I know what you mean. DD is almost 10months old with 1p36 chromosome deletion. I used to read them in the beginning, but somewhere along the line (probably about 5-6months ago) I stopped. It can be depressing. DD has a cousin that's 3months younger than her that is flying thru mildstones/development (we see her just about every day since they go to the same day care). That makes it harder but I just look at her and focus on the strides she's made/making with her development. Everything with her is a "wait and see," so we are doing just that now.

All we can do is give our kids all the love and support so that they can be the best they can be. HTH!

Florak8

I stopped reading that crap a long time ago. We get enough ideas on how to help them develop from early intervention handouts. I still get emails that say "Your baby is 96 weeks old. What is he up to?" and I just delete those without reading.

Hang in there. Nobody asks when you first did x, y and z on a job application. 

lboers

We went to the zoo with a friend and her kids on the weekend. Her 4.5 months old is practically sitting up. My 11.5 month old can't yet lift her head when lying on her stomach.

i try to stay positive but it gets hard at times like that.

 

mamamimi77

Im sorry you feel this way today. My son was born with clubfeet and a genetic condition which causes tight joints, ligaments and tendons. He is only 17% delayed(with alot of intervention) but his cousin that is 2 months younger is flying past him and it bothers me when we are around her. To be honest this book called "hooray for you" helped me deal with it. Its a childrens book by Marianne Richmond that i was given at my shower before we knew there were any problems. Its about celebrating your individuality. Its not the whole thing but here are the parts that remind me each day that he is unique and God created him perfectly just the way he is. We read it at bedtime. Its more for me right now, but I think when he is older and understands his limitations that it might be helpful..especially the "custom built parts to move your own ways" part. Hope it helps you too.

For quite a long time the world saved a place, millions were born yet none filled your space. Until the second of a minute of one special day, you took your first breath and the world said HOORAY! From head to toe tip your one of a kind, with your way of being, your body and mind. Hooray for your sweet and beautiful face thats not like another in the whole human race. Hooray for your smile that curves up just so when you laugh and act silly or show what you know. ... Hooray for your body that wiggles and plays with custom built parts to move your own ways. ... Hooray for your being like nobody other, like a cousin or sister or uncle or brother. Hooray for yourself both inside and out, theres only one you without a doubt. Look in the mirror and love who you see. Smile and shout "Hooray for me!"

Glendi2.0

I'm sorry... the sting for me is a lot less intense now that I've been dealing with it for 2.5 years, but early on, those monthly "what's your 10-month-old doing" emails from Babycenter.com would send me into hysterics. I quickly unsubscribed. It still stings to sometimes see what a typical 4-year-old can do that's outside my DD's capabilities at the moment, but I refuse to compare her anymore. That's a losing battle for everyone involved.

Take comfort... soon enough, you'll discover your own unique "normal"... you'lll be celebrating every tremendous milestone your little one reaches-at  his pace- and you'll celebrate a little bit harder than most because you'll know how hard he worked to get there.

lite-bright

It's hard to resist comparing, or reading milestones; and it's really hard not to ache inside when you see another child the same age being able to do things that make your own child's delays so stark. That "ooooooph" gut-punch moment comes really unexpectedly sometimes. 

I think there's a see-saw that goes on, between positivity and negativity, no matter how much we tell ourselves that we should do X or shouldn't do Y to help ourselves deal. It's part of the coping process. Or at least it is for me. It's gotten easier as some time has gone by, but some days are still harder than others.

I hope today is a better day!  

 

pierogi25

I know exactly how you feel. I get days like that a lot too - today just so happens to be a good day.

What everyone else echoed is right - you begin to have a new normal. Rubrics for what your 10 month old "should" be doing are crap. Ok, maybe not totally crap, they help you identify anything that might be concerning so you can adjust your behavior accordingly. But seriously, I can't think of any mom, typical child or not, who hasn't ever thought at one point or another, "shouldn't my child be doing thisthatortheotherthing?!?!" in a frantic tizzy.

 

Slowly and surely, we are learning that new normal. I don't know what your DS's special needs are, but I just finished a great book that helped me a lot - "What I Wished I knew About Raising a Child With Autism" (https://www.amazon.com/Known-about-Raising-Child-Autism/dp/1935274236/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1314839565&sr=1-1)  Even if your child isn't autistic, a lot of the different approaches on coping with a "new normal" that the auhor talks about could help a lot. 

It's not easy. I hear it never will be. But it will be commonplace and it will be your own normal.

Sending you lots of love....we've all been there, and we all will be there again.

pierogi25

Also, if it helps - a year ago, I never, ever thought DD would jump. I mean, really, how do you teach someone how to jump? And I just looked over and not only is she jumping - she's jumping and "dancing" to a song on Play With Me Sesame. Not gonna lie...I just got choked up.

Seemingly minor, insignificant advances to the untrained eye are galaxy moving, awe inspiring victories to our eyes. 

nomadica

You ladies are wonderful, thank you. This is such an emotional rollercoaster- I was in a really positive mood for weeks and weeks, but wow, the slap in the face can come out of nowhere! Thank you for your support:)