co-sleeping toddler & new baby

Mrs.Teddy

I'm looking for some input/advice. We have gone back and forth between cosleeping and DS being in his own room since birth. We are baby led and just did what it seemed he needed at different times in his development.

We transitioned him to a big boy bed at 16ish months because he could escape the crib. For several months he would start out in his bed, I woudl stay with him 15 or some minutes until he was asleep, he would last on his own for part of the night and then end up in our room or one of us (usually me) would go to him, and this worked well.

A few months ago he got very sick (he has asthma) and asked to start off in our bed. We let him, we felt safer with him between us and its what he "needed". We haven't been able to break this. Everynight I try to entice him to  go to his own room (he will nap there but again I stay with him until he is asleep, usually 10-15 minutes then he is alone several hours).

I have very mixed feelings. DH and I like co sleeping. 99% of the time we all sleep great (we have a king). He only ever STTN once in his own room, he wakes and cries out for us or gets up and coems to us. He STTN in our bed, or wakes and settles himself once he realizes we are there?!

I have been talking to him about sleeping in his own bed and when we read books I point out the characters sleep in their own bed. He doesn't want too, he cries and gets very upset when I push the issue.

However we are now expecting #2. I will need to cosleep as I find its best with breastfeeding. We have a bassinet and can keep baby there most of the time, but I did a lot of side laying nursing/sleeping with DS. I don't feel safe with DS and an infant in the bed. I dont' want him to feel like he is being replaced by the baby either. On the other hand I wonder if he's really just not ready to leave our bed yet.

Any advice? Ideas? A side car crib is not an option, there is not enough room.

ghm

I co-slept with a toddler and baby, and then even 2 toddlers and a baby. The older kid (or two) always slept between me and a wall, or me and DH. Baby went on the other side of me. The older 2 could not have climbed over me to lay on the baby because I would have noticed (they never tried). I will tell you that you can plan all you want, but things probably won't work out the way you think they will. When I was pregnant with my second and I got closer to delivery, I started freaking out about the fact that I still bounced DS to sleep. He was still very young (11 months when DD1 was born), and DH worked nights, meaning I'd have to handle it on my own. I finally gave up trying. It all worked out. I had a newborn who did not allow you to put her down and a toddler that needed snuggled and bounced to sleep. I figured it out, and the planning and stressing I did was worthless.You still have a long time. See how things go for now. I can't tell from your post if you really want him to continue co-sleeping or not. Are you doing it because it's easier and you really want to move him or you're happy with him being there?  

schmoodle

First of all, congrats on the impending arrival of #2 and great to see you again! We were on the tri boards together a long time ago!

 Secondly, I could have written almost this ENTIRE post word for word, except that our toddler still starts the night in his own bed (with effort). Toodle has slept in our bed part/most of the night since 6 mos. old. He has a big boy bed now, and we lay with him to start the night for usually 20 minutes, then he wakes and comes to our room between 11 pm and 1 am usually (rarely, later). He STTN in there one time ever.

I was SO nervous about the new baby. While I hoped not to bedshare with her (and knock on wood, we still aren't), we do plan to cosleep with her in the pack and play until a minimum of 6 months, and I was so nervous about her being in our room and him sleeping ok/vice versa. So far, while the mornings can be challenging when he starts to sleep less deeply and may wake when I'm up nursing her or when she fusses a bit, she's over 2 months and it's far more manageable than I thought. If I did need to bedshare with the infant, I think I would keep the toddler in the middle (where he currently sleeps) and keep the ifnant on your side with a bedrail?

Best of luck!

ETA: Just saw that you are not very far along yet. Please don't stress now (easier said than done, I know). So much can change between now and when baby comes. When I found out I was pregnant, we were still rocking Toodle to sleep every night then laying him in the crib, and I think he even still got a bottle. His bedtime routine took FOREVER and half the time as soon as we'd put him in the crib he'd wake and cry and come to our bed. We phased out the bedtime bottle, and then around 20 months transitioned to the big boy bed and he has been much better since then. Not the exact same steps since you're already there, but you have so much time to work on his independent sleep too. I don't say this in a "he'll sleep on his own by then" vein, as I know with our little guy that so didn't happen, but he did at least improve.

Mrs.Teddy

Thanks so much for both your input and experiences ladies. I actually love vedsharing with DS and so does DH, it IS easier but I enjoy as well. And I do believe it has helped in his secure attachment to us. In my heart I believe that he will leave our bed when hr is ready. I'm a little concerned the baby will wake him but he's a pretty good sleeper. When he was very small we did the bedrail and I kept him on my side. Now he sleeps in the middle so I could realistically have #2 on the other side with the hopes of mostly keeping him/her in the pnp between feeds. I will try to not worry and see what happens between now and then. I recognize you to schmoodle I follow both of your blogs!