How do you handle the "oh good luck" remarks? — The Bump
Natural Birth

How do you handle the "oh good luck" remarks?

We're very set on a unnecessary intervention birth including epi, pitocin, etc. We hired a doula, started bradley classes, switched to a midwife and a natural friendly hospital. So we are very educated in what we want out of our birth.But I'm still having a hard time responding to the silly looks and rude comments that come from others who don't understand why I wouldn't want epi.

How do you handle the "good luck" or "you'll be begging for it" or the "are you crazy" comments?

Re: How do you handle the "oh good luck" remarks?

  • Smile and nod. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.
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  • I keep my mouth FIRMLY shut about the entire topic of "natural." I am planning a natural birth, my mother and SILs all had natural births, I'm taking Bradley classes, and using a midwife, and am completely planning on having a pain-med free birth if possible.

    However, when people mention epidurals and pain yada yada, I just smile and nod and don't let them know my plans. I don't think anyone has asked me if I plan to go natural, so I just don't share it with them. (This is a tactic I now use, after having people earlier in my pregnancy give me very negative responses to my plans.)

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  • image honkytonk_kid:
    Smile and nod. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

    Sadly, this.  We live in a culture that says birth is scary/horrible/painful.  One of the perks of giving birth with as little intervention as possible is that no one questions whether or not you can do it again.  You're also normalizing natural birth for every lady who knows you did it naturally, whether you tell them your story or not.  It plants the seed that it CAN be done, and not necessarily just by 'crazy hippies' ;). Lol, these are the things I tell myself when I get the odd glances for our birth choices.  I hope they help you too! :)

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  • Just don't let it get to you. :) I'd just smile and say, "Well, you may be right!" or something.
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  • Say, "Oh THANK YOU, I'm really glad you're supporting me" as if they had been sincere, or smile and nod.  
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  • For "good luck"  =  say "thanks"

    You'll be begging for it:   "only time will tell"

    Are you crazy = "well, I haven't been officially tested yet, but based on google - yes, yes I am. 

    eta:   Other than that, don't talk about it with people who have nothing to do with your L&D.   There is no point.     

  • to the "good luck" comments you can just smile and say thank you.

    to the crazy/you-can't-do-it comments, i would just say something like "well, i'm crazy AND stubborn so I'm pretty confident I can," Then just smile and nod.

    BTW you can do it and you are not crazy!!!

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  • I mostly didn't discuss my plans. It was just easier. It's really no one's business but mine.

    If you're already somehow having the conversation, you probably won't change any minds. So the "nod and smile" or the "gee, thanks for that insight" are just fine.

  • image tokenhoser:

    I mostly didn't discuss my plans. It was just easier. It's really no one's business but mine.

    I agree with this, for the most part, but since I worked in a small office with an open layout while pregnant, it was hard to hide my phonecalls to doulas, etc. I politely responded to people's questions ("Oh, so you're getting a doula? Why?") and tried not to go too deeply into it or turn it into a philosophical discussion.

    With my own family, it was pretty hard to avoid the topic since my mother brought up that I was "the type who would think she didn't need any pain meds during labor." My reaction to her utter lack of support? She was not part of my birth experience, at all. I called her after I had delivered DD.

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  • I also work in a small office setting with multiple ARNP's who all used to be L/D nurses, so they of course ask me about my pregnancy and don't quite see eye to eye with what I want. Luckily one used to be a midwife though and she had a natural birth so she's been great to talk to.

    And our families are very vocal about their birth stories (all who had med interventions) and look down on us for wanting what we want. So it's been really hard dealing with that.

     But Thank you everyone for the great advice!!

     

  • image BFab11:
    Say, "Oh THANK YOU, I'm really glad you're supporting me" as if they had been sincere, or smile and nod.  

    Yes 

  • image BFab11:
    Say, "Oh THANK YOU, I'm really glad you're supporting me" as if they had been sincere, or smile and nod.  

    Yes I've found this helpful in certain situations, my sarcasm usually gets the point across. I said "Thanks SO MUCH for your support/positive vibes!"

  • The only people I told (outside my OB and hospital staff) that I planned to go natural was my DH and my mom. My DH is all for staying away from unnecessary meds, and my mom had 5 natural births so I knew that she wouldn't criticize me. 

    Oh, and I never was begging for the epi - when my mind is set on something, I stick with it. 

  • Before DS was born, I smiled and said 'thanks'. After DS was born and I did have a natural birth, I made sure I mentioned it or brought it up as often as possible. Rub it in their doubting faces :)
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  • "Good Luck" - smile and say "Thanks!"

    "You'll be begging for it" - smile and say "We'll see."

    "Are you crazy?" - smile and say "Nope, not crazy, but thanks for your concern!"

    People can be ignorant that it can be done without interventions.  I generally don't discuss my plans with people.  Most people just assume that women will have an epidural birth in a hospital since that's what most women do.  Why do you have to tell them anything about your plans?  Let them assume whatever they want.  After the baby is born then feel free to tell them how it went down, but you'll still get odd comments. 

    Mama to Lucy (7/06), Lexi (5/09), and Max (11/11) M/C 12/17/10
  • I usually just smile but if they start to tell me a horro labor story I stop them and explain that I am only surrounding myself with positive people and stories.  That usually gets them to shut up.
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  • Them: "Good luck!"  *dripping with sarcasm*

    Me: "Thank you!" *in sweetest, singsong-y voice while sweetly rubbing my bump*

    I made it a point to NEVER bring it up and to quickly change the subject if they did ask directly. There was a post somewhere (about BF, AP, natural birth, etc. I can't remember) that said the best course of action was to ask about the bean dip. For instance:

    Them: "You're going to DIE from the pain!!11!"

    You: "Maybe.  Would you like some bean dip?"

    Them: "I LOVED my EPI! You are stupid not to get one.  They don't hand out metals for going natural you know."

    You:  "Sure.  Thank you.  I really like the bean dip.  That sure is some fresh guacamole on the side.  Do you think they made it themselves or picked it up from the deli?"

    Rinse and repeat. Big Smile

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  • Seeing as how I get most of these comments from women who've actually given birth (I'm a FTM), I'm not offended by these comments as they really mean it. I don't view wishing me luck in my birthing choice as rude. 
    BFP #1 05/11/10 Natural m/c 05/17/10 BFP #2 12/07/10 Natural m/c 12/12/10 BFP #3 01/21/11 Taking Prometrium, Baby Aspirin, and two injections of heparin a day Lightning Bug was born a healthy and happy 7lbs 14oz on 9/20/211
  • I always pretended that they didn't mean it sarcastically and very enthusiastically said "Thanks!"
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  • image eli_and_jeff:
    Seeing as how I get most of these comments from women who've actually given birth (I'm a FTM), I'm not offended by these comments as they really mean it. I don't view wishing me luck in my birthing choice as rude. 

    You're lucky, then, that you are getting sincere well wishes. Many of us, including the OP, are referring to sarcastic "good luck" comments from people who do not actually mean it.

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  • I definitely understand how you feel. Everyone in my family tells me those things (except my mom). So, I usually get quite offended when people are rude to me about it. Since I am a couple weeks out I have to choose not to let it get to me. Instead, I just nicely ask everyone for their support. Even if they don't give it to me, I figure I can set a good example by following through on what I know is right. When they see how healthy and energized I feel after just giving birth, they may rethink their opinion some day. ;)
  • Smile and nod, or say, "Well, we'll find out in a few months!" and change the subject.
    fraternal twin boys born january 2009
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