Telling others about TTC #2....and not telling some — The Bump
Secondary IF

Telling others about TTC #2....and not telling some

We are going back to RE September 6th.  My Mom knows and my sister and DHs Sister we are very close.  We have not told my MIL.  There are many reasons one being she has a big mouth and loves to gossip so she would be telling everyone in the family.  Second when we went for DS she insisted that there was no reason to go and we just needed to relax, even though it had been 3 years of TTC and we were diagnossed with MFI.  Long story she insisted the Dr. was nuts because DHs brothers got their wives PG no problem.

Needless to say talking to her is very frustrating and I really do not want to listen to her calling every day wanting updates.  She did this last time.  It was very stressful. 

DHs sister agrees about not telling her Mom, she said she wouldnt tell her if she was going through it either because she knows how it will be.

Do you guys think we are wrong not to tell her?

 

William James III born September 18,2008

Heading back to the RE to try for #2 Appt Sept. 6th.
BFP 9/20/11, Beta#1 130 14DPO 9/21/11, Beta #2 369 16DPO 9/23/11, Beta #3 19DPO 1501 9/26/11,first ultra sound 9/28/11 (5W0D) one little sac right where it is suppose to be. 2nd ultra sound 10/5/11(6W0D) saw the HB 112BPM. 3rd ultra sound 10/11/11(6W6D) - baby measuring 7W3D HB 147BPM. First OB Appt 10/20/11.

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Re: Telling others about TTC #2....and not telling some

  • I feel your pain with the MiL situation. My MIL plays the I'm so perfect and so is my family card, but im very cautious of her because anything and everything you tell her she gets on the phone as soon as you leave and calls up everyone she can think of to share your personal business with, even if it's a sensitive private issue. I would never trust her with any personal information that I'm not comfortable with everyone knowing. Its so difficult because I would like to be close to her Like my SIL is (however, she lives across the country and doesn't have to deal with her on a reg Basis besides the phone) but she makes it impossible. Unless your DH really wants to tell her, I think you're right to keep it from her. If she can't be sensitive enough to understand your situation and she refuses to believe there is a problem, she will only cause more stress for you. I hope for your sake DH is supportive of you and the decision. My DH tends to side with his mother over me alot and it makes me feel betrayed and angry.
    sweet baby boy ryan born 6/24/09
    TTC since 8/09 . MC 1/15/10 @ 7w4d // 6/2/10 @ 8w2d
    TTC with no menstrual cycle since 6/10, finally got one 8/25/11 :)
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  • Oh wow.  Do we have the same MIL?  LOL!  Mine knows that we are doing IF treatments, but I know she thinks its crazy.  I don't care. My opinion is that you should tell (or not tell) whomever you want to.  It's a pretty personal thing--reproductive organs and all that, LOL.  So I think its totally fine to not mention it to her.
    Jen Mom to Benjamin, born 9/28/06 TTC # 2 since 7/2010 Unexplained IF 1st round of clomid April 2011 BFN 2nd round of clomid May 2011 BFN 1st round of femara June 2011 BFN 2nd round of femara with ovidrel and IUI #1 July 2011 BFN 3rd round of femara with ovidrel and IUI #2 August 2011 BFN 4th round (ahhhhh!!!!) of femara with ovidrel and IUI #3 converted to TI September 2011 ???
  • UGH!  Since you already have experience with how your MIL acts when you include her in TTC, I most certainly would NOT tell her.  I don't think it is wrong at all. 

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  • I wouldn't tell her either, especially with such a bad reaction from her last time.  Although I do think that parents just naturally have the reaction that surely nothing could be wrong with their offspring.  When I finally told my mom about our IF issues, she immediately said, why do you think there is something wrong with you?  Maybe it's (DH)!  No mom, DH is fine, it's all me.  But the only reason I even told her was after my m/c she keeps thinking that I'm going to be pregnant again right away.  

    Anyway, if I were you I would just wait to tell her when you have good news. 

    After more than a year, 1 IUI, 1 m/c, then acupuncture/TCM = natural cycle BFP on 12/5/11!

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  • Late to the party and maybe its my cranky old age speaking (I'm 39).  But I personally think that you don't have to tell ANYONE about your struggles or what you're doing about them.  This stuff is hard enough without opening yourself up to someone you know has been less than supportive in the past.  For me, if I can't handle things like a friends baby shower, I don't go - and I hope that they understand.  But if they don't, I'm sorry, I'm still going to take care of myself.  Btw, my friends shower was a few days before my would have been due date with loss #1, I just couldn't take it. All I'm saying is, know your limits and be good to yourself. 
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  • Sounds exactly like my annoying MIL who is in complete denial that her son is practically sterile!  Needless to say we are NOT telling her that we are in the process of trying for no. 2 again.  We didn't even tell her I was pregnant with our first until I was 12 weeks along.  I can't stand her (can you tell?!!  ;)  You don't have to tell her anything you don't want to!
    *My Loves, My Life, My Littles*

    02/18/11, 05/24/12 and 12/03/13



  • JMHO, but IF, like any other sensitive personal matter, is not something you're "obligated" to share with ANYONE.  Which means that you do have the right to pick and choose whom you do/don't tell.

    That said, if you're going to keep it selectively mum, make sure that the people in the know are not only aware that they're in the minority, but that they will honor your request to keep it to themselves.  No matter how much they may want the best for you, some people can't or won't keep secrets. I know that in *my* family, if one person knows, everyone does, so I'd choose a friend to confide in instead.  But your family may be much different. 

    DS Feb 2011
    ...no thanks to my PCOS (Dx 2006,though should've been dx during maybe the Clinton years).

    P/SAIF always welcome, especially if you share your sticky baby dust! **Looking to buy some gently used, one size Fuzzibunz. PM/Page me if you're selling. Thanks!**
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