is this asking too much?

HisChamaoleGirl

Background info: DH CO states that for visitation either MIL or DH will escort SS to and from.  This arrangement has worked for us because MIL will meet BM at the airport and MIL will escort SS the 3800 miles it is to where we are currently stationed. MIL has escorted SS to and from visitation on three occasions, but she knows it is not something that we expect her to do.

 In the past she has expressed a desire to spend the visitation with us and we paid for her and SS roundtrip ticket. There was one summer where she had planned on visiting her sister 6000 miles away for the summer and had purchased her ticket already. Because she had an overnight layover in our town we asked if we bought SS ticket if she would be willing to escort him. She was willing to and on her way back from vacation she brought SS back to BM.

This summer DH and I were in Iraq, but knew we would have leave during SS summer vacation. MIL had expressed that she wanted to visit her sister again, but could not afford it.  We told her that we would cover her roundtrip ticket if she was willing to escort SS to SIL house where we would be visiting. She agreed and I purchased both hers and SS tickets for a total of $2,400 in April.

June came around and she brought SS to my SIL home. SS stayed with her and her kids until we arrived. We landed on a Sunday morning and when SIL picked us up she told me to check my email because MIL wanted to go home on Wednesday. DH was fuming! He called his mother and asked her to just stay for the 2 weeks (instead of the 6 weeks her return ticket was for) we would be there so he could spend time with his son. She said he was selfish for asking her to stay just so he could see SS. DH reminded her that we had an agreement and expressed that SS didn?t travel 6,000 miles just to spend 4 days with DH. She refused to agree to stay longer and then asked us to pay for her early flight back.

DH and I both agreed that 4 days was not long enough to spend time with SS and told MIL she was welcome to go back home if she wanted to, but SS was not going with her. When she asked about SS and how he would get home we told her not to worry about it and that we would figure something out for ourselves.

DH could not bring his son home himself because we are required to sign a contract with our command stating that we will only go to the address on our leave form. After discussing the issue with BM she said it would be OK for my mother escort SS home. To purchase my mother a roundtrip ticket and SS a new one way ticket home at last minute faire, we spent over $5,000.

I am so upset because we had an agreement with MIL and last minute she decided that she didn?t want to be a part of it anymore. I am also upset that she called my husband selfish because he wanted to spend time with his son when he was visiting from Iraq. DH has expressed that he won?t ask his mother to be an escort again in fear that she will back out of the arrangement like she did this summer.

With the holidays coming up I have heard from my SIL that MIL would like to come and visit again as long as we purchase the tickets. I personally am not ready for that situation because since she left in June she has acted like nothing happened and refuses to talk about what inspired her to come home early.  If DH is not able to get time off of work to go get SS for this Christmas? visitation, taking MILs offer may be the only way for us to see him.

This brings me to my question. Would it be ?out of line? for me to ask her to sign a contract saying that she will escort SS to and from visitation within the dates for the tickets we purchase and if she decides to violate that agreement she will be financially responsible for repaying us for her ticket?

FYI I would ask anyone to sign this if they had put us in this financial situation. I am still upset that over $5,000 had to be taken from savings for transportation that we had budgeted for and paid in full earlier in the year. 

CurlyQ284

I just wouldn't deal with her anymore to help with this. Shes obviously using you guys as free travel.

HisChamaoleGirl

CurlyQ284:

Shes obviously using you guys as free travel.

 

I completely agree with this.

If we were in a situation where taking her offer was the only way we could see SS bc of cost [we would need 4 flights total if we picked him up. HI -> GU (DH), GU ->HI (DH & SS) and then HI->GU(DH &SS) and GU -> HI (DH)] would asking her to sign something seem unreasonable ?