Please tell me I am not the only one

hoping4more

Lately I have been having a rough time. It feels like I just sometimes go through the moves so automatically without really enjoying my day.

We have been proactive; scheduling appointments, looking into options, etc. but I know due to circumstances me getting pregnant is anywahere from 1-2years away. I know I cannot wait that long and it is eating me inside. I need to have my babies that will not be ripped away from me. 

I love J&B so much but I know they will not be mine forever and it's killing me to have a forever baby. I'm also selfish, I want a newborn, I want the oohs and ahhs and everyone wanting to hold my tiny baby at church. I want a baby shower dammit!

It's also so sad that everything is so money based. If we had a lot of money we would have babies by now.

/sigh I seriously think I am starting to lose it... Am I the only one? 

Cynthia7461

You're not the only one. Every day I pray, beg, plead and bargain for a forever baby (and in the back of my mind I know that may never happen).  The money part is not fair and I totally understand what you are feeling. 

sgrobste

I feel that same right now....I find myself not only envying people who are PG, but also being upset that they are allowed to be and I am not.  I hope you start to feel better BIG ((HUGS))

hoping4more

Thanks ladies!

I am disgusted by myself when I am so jealous by the women in this board who get bfps. I'm thrilled for them but still so jealous.. 

JMay

You are NOT the only one!  I've spent the better part of the last year feeling much as you do.  I've been depressed on and off, and consummed by 2IF.  I've recently gone past that to denial, which includes being numb, disinterested and quite absent-minded.  I'm not sure that's a good thing.  I fear that if I were to get pregnant now, I would have a hard time accepting the pregnancy and possibly the baby.  While in my heart I know I want it, I am mentally removed, for self-preservation I'm sure.  And I'm angry too... not on the surface angry - no, it's gone WAY past that.  I'm deep in my soul angry.  I fear that I will always feel this way, and I hope that I can work on healing so that I am able to enjoy the life I've been given.  During the last year, I've wasted so many opportunities. 2IF is just so crushing.  Hang in there sweetie - know you are not alone in your feelings, your feelings are normal and we are all here for you!

robotr

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STOP SPAMMING THE BOARDS.