hubby just informed me that he's reenlisting..

kwares218

I'm 38 weeks and hubby just informed me that he's reenlisting and possibly deploying in January. I've been having a terrible pregnancy (very long story) so this just added to my stress thinking about him leaving. I'm hysterical and just don't know where to turn and he won't talk to me. It's almost as if he's running away. I don't know what to do. I know many of you are thinking I'm lucky he's been home but we've been having marital issues, too, so it's just a plain old mess. Does anyone have any advice? Words of wisdom? Please... I'm about to break and I'm truly trying to hold it together for the sake of the baby being born healthy...

laffies

A re-enlistment is a big decision, and I'm wondering about the fact that he made it without your input.  It affects both of you equally.  I wish I could give more advice, but I think your best bet is counseling.  Military OneSource is a good resource for that, as is your Family Readiness Center.  It shouldn't cost you anything.

Do you think he's scared of becoming a father?  Feeling like he may not be good enough?  My husband had some of the same fears, and had some trouble communicating them.  Take a deep breath.  Marriage is hard work, and it's a bajillion times harder when you face separation and even harder then that when you throw a child into the mix.

I wish I had more advice.  I'm wishing you the best. 

 

RunningMom08

Have you tried contacting an MFLC person? They are Military Family Life Consultants. They will meet with you anywhere you wish and are free to utilize. They are great resources to go to.

Lissa832

With all due respect, if my DH INFORMED me that he was reenlisting, then we'd have a problem. Reenlistment should be a JOINT decision, not one sided. Unless you went into the marriage KNOWING that he planned to be a lifer, then that wouldn't fly with me.

Junebug060609

laffies:

A re-enlistment is a big decision, and I'm wondering about the fact that he made it without your input.  It affects both of you equally.  I wish I could give more advice, but I think your best bet is counseling.  Military OneSource is a good resource for that, as is your Family Readiness Center.  It shouldn't cost you anything.

Do you think he's scared of becoming a father?  Feeling like he may not be good enough?  My husband had some of the same fears, and had some trouble communicating them.  Take a deep breath.  Marriage is hard work, and it's a bajillion times harder when you face separation and even harder then that when you throw a child into the mix.

I wish I had more advice.  I'm wishing you the best. 

 

All of this.  

Being INFORMED of a re-enlistment would not fly well in our household.  Its a big decision that has a huge impact on all three of you (baby included).  

I'm really thinking some counseling might be in order.  Just thinking that there are likely some fears he (and you) may have about adding a child to the mix.  There could also be some financial worries prompting him to re-enlist.  Bottom line: It really sounds like the two of you need to have a heart-to-heart...one where he can tell you his thoughts and concerns and you can share your own.

 

CravingQueen

What everyone else said. If this was not a joint decision that was at least discussed beforehand, you should look into some counseling. I'll be praying you figure it out. I'm sorry you have to go through this!

emolm

demersebm:

Have you tried contacting an MFLC person? They are Military Family Life Consultants. They will meet with you anywhere you wish and are free to utilize. They are great resources to go to.

 

We were talking about the MFLCs at our last spouses' group meeting and this came up. Not sure what base y'all are out/who your husband's unit is affiliated with/etc but they also have MFLCs who work specifically with SOCOM. It was also mentioned that you can see a psychologist/psychiatrist/counselor without getting a referral from Tricare but I'd call Tricare and investigate that first if you think it'll be helpful. You could also see a chaplain (even if you're not churchy).

 

Edited at add: One of the wives was told by her husband that if she got counseling, it would get his security clearance taken away which is sooooo not true at all.

 

Also, if he doesn't want to do any sort of marital counseling (which will not have an impact on his job in any way, shape, or form btw), then you can always still go on your own. Not sure how it is in branches that aren't the AF, but family readiness should be able to help you out with childcare for any appointments should you need it later on.  

 

And most MFLCs are totally cool with meeting off base during non business hours if that makes you more comfortable with them.