3 year old tells DH "I don't like you"

CountryatHeart

My 3 year old DD in the last few months has started randomly saying "I don't like you" to her daddy.  It breaks DH's heart, and we are not sure why she is doing it.  He's good to her. He spends plenty of one on one time with her, takes her fun places to play, etc.  I'm completely perplexed, because until about age 2, DH was seriously her whole world.  I'd started wondering why I was chopped liver, LOL! Then around 2 1/2 it's like a switch flipped and now she acts kind of hateful toward him. As far as I can tell, nothing has changed about their relationship, same amount of time together, etc.

 Any thoughts or suggestions on why she's doing this, and how I can help? I did mention it to her pedi at her 3 year well visit, but he couldn't offer much other than, "sometimes kids just pick one parent over another".  I get that, and I'd be alright I guess if she just seemed to favor one of us, but this outright nastyness towards DH is confusing...

Adding an extra level of confusion, at times, she's still very loving and cuddly with him.  This hateful stuff is random.

niknak1128

It's probably just a phase. DS says mean things sometimes but he doesn't really mean it and he doesn't really understand the context in which he's saying it. He will be 3 in December. He tells me I'm naughty or he'll try to put me in a time out.  He'll tell DH that he's mean and doesn't like him.  If he's being a terd, I'll say I love you and he'll say I no love you mommy!  But he doesn't really mean any of it. Sometimes he loves me more. .sometimes he loves DH more.. just depends on the day and who gives him what he wants. lol  I would try to tell DH not to take it too hard.. it's never fun to hear your kids say things like that.. especially your toddler but I doubt she really means it.  I mean some days, DS will be like mommy.. leave me alone!  Or he won't let me kiss him.. won't give me hugs or kisses..  it never lasts.

KathrynMD

she's 3; I wouldn't worry about this at all. 

The greater weight you give it, the more she'll do it.

 

aforst

Is your DH more of a disciplinarian (sp?) than you?  DS1 will say things like this to DH some times too.  Or, he will say to me "Daddy is mean."  My DH is not mean, at all. However, he is more strict than I am. 

QueenNini

My DD says the same thing to my H. When she says "I don't like daddy" I tell her that she does and we move on. The more we make a big deal out of it, the more she goes on and on.

LoveEeyore

All I got for ya is that she's 3.  My DD started in on "I don't like him/her," and I told her that's fine, she's allowed to have an opinion, but it's a hurtful one so she should say it to me in private only.  She did, and things were better, then a lightbulb went off in her head- shee said to me over dinner, "I don't like you.  Does that hurt your feelings?" 

I looked around at everyone at the table and said "that's okay, it's  a hurtful opinion, but you may tell me in private.  We'll discuss it in private."  She apologized and it never came up again.  I think it's toe-tapping to find the boundary/see if she found a button to push. 

My rule is if I feel an emotional reaction to what my kids say/do, then I simply defer my response quietly to evaluate if it's button pushing or what.  Your DD loves her Daddy!

Spin313

My DS does something similar... He constantly says "don't talk to me daddy" or "go away."

GoombaGirl_79

niknak1128:

If he's being a terd, I'll say I love you and he'll say I no love you mommy!

Haha I thought I was the only one that said my DS was "being a terd" hahaha awesome.  
DS seems to dislike daddy these days and is very clingy to me. I dont mind it but it gets a little tiring sometimes because he really will NOT leave me alone when I want to have a bit of downtime (6 months pregnant, need some downtime....oye!) DH gets sad sometimes and says to me "huh, he doesn't like me anymore....*sad face*" But he reads DS his stories every night and they play rough and tumble games mommy is too tired to play, so yeah probably just a phase.

sarrahs

When my son says disrespectful things such as this - we explain to him that it isn't kind, and it's not how we talk to people. Sure, kids can have their own opinions, but when it's disrespectful (and probably untrue, in this case) - it's unacceptable. If he continues to be unkind, then he goes in time out and we explain again how it is hurtful when he speaks like that. It has worked for us thus far. Good luck!

meggiekins

My DD does the exact same thing. We just tell her it's not nice to say things like that to anyone, especially Daddy, and she usually apologizes on her own. She was a complete Daddy's girl for the first two years of her life, so I'm sure she'll grow out of it and start preferring him again eventually.

preciousmetal

I think it's something that all kids go though just to test boundaries. My DD has told me twice she doesn't like me for no reason. I tell her that I'm sorry she feels that way, and I love her very much, and I move on. Dwelling on things like that will only encourage the behavior.