Stay at Home Moms

Poll: Just how much 'help' do you have?

How much help do you have ? either paid or volunteered/family.

By 'help' I mean- cleaning help or childcare help (pretty much anything outside of you or your DH) including babysitting for date night, childcare for OOT trips, anything like that?

 

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Re: Poll: Just how much 'help' do you have?

  • Next to none...we live 12+ hours from family and we've never had a hired babysitter.  We do have a couple of friends that have watched G on occasion when we really needed them to, like when I was having R.  I'm so thankful for them!  My cleaning help is my clean-freak DH!
  • Little.  

    My dad is always willing to take the girls- if asked.  But he doesn't volunteer and despite his wonderful relationship with the girls he's a guy and doesn't fawn like a grandmother would, so DH and I don't always feel comfortable asking him.

    My aunt takes Parker for a couple hours every couple weeks to go shopping or something, which is nice.

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  • I have the childcare at the gym, which I use every day during the week for over an hour.  We also have family (usually my nieces, who we pay, or MIL) for nights out. 

    Twice we have gone away on long weekends without the kids and my siblings all offered to watch the kids while we went.  We split them up between two of my brothers

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    DS 3.12.08
    DD 7.11.09
    DD 8.01.13
  • Baby is due any day, but we have no help other than what we will have to pay.  We won't be able to afford a babysitter often (only probably a few hrs a month for a night out....)
  • No help.  I clean my own house.  Do my own laundry.  Wash my own cars.  Watch my own kids. 

    That being said.  DH's parents are 1.5 hours away and will watch the kids if we ask most of the time. My paretns are 3 hours away and would do the same.  For example if we need a vacation or something. :-)

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  • I work p/t, so they are typically in daycare M/W/F. And on top of that, I guess I have a LOT of help.

    On Tuesdays my dad comes over to play for about 3 hours - sometimes I stay and work around the house, sometimes I go run an errand.

    Dad also used to take DD once a month for an overnight, but now that DS is big enough to go too, he's only willing to do it maybe every 4 months because it's so exhausting for him (dad is in great shape, but DS is a lousy sleeper away from home).

    I have SAHM friends that I sometimes trade babysitting with for a date night - or more often, a date afternoon because it's just easier to do it then.

    My MIL comes and stays with us for weeks at a time and is great with the kids. They are not in daycare this month because she is taking care of them. Her being here is its own kind of stress just having someone else in the house, but it's wonderful to always have backup.

     

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  • We are very blessed to have a lot of help.  My parents will take DS just about anytime I ask.  They watch him when I have appointments, meetings, or just want to go out with friends.  My IL live 1.5 hours away, but are always willing to drop everything on a weekend to give us a break or just come down and visit.  I also have two sisters that live within 20 minutes from me and they are also begging us to babysit.  There is something to be said for being the first grandbaby on both sides of the family.  It can also get overwhelming, though, when someone perceives that another person is getting more time.

    When I go back to work in the fall, I will have a cleaning person.  That was kind of my deal for going back to work.  My DH is wonderful, but just not that helpful when it comes to household stuff.  He takes care of the outside, but the inside is what needs most the work (cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, cooking, etc)  My parents will also watch DS one day a week, but it is more for them than for us because it doesn't save us any money and made it more difficult to find a daycare for a part-time kid. 


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  • I have a fair amount I guess: biweekly cleaning service and a babysitter who comes over for 2 hours 3 days a week to give me a break. It's more like a mother's helper situation with her though because I hardly ever leave the house while she's here.

    In the summer, my in-laws (who are teachers) often offer to watch the kids for a day - usually about once a week.

    ETA: Forgot about childcare at the gym! Probably because I hardly ever go, lol. When I'm having a tough day with the kids and they are both refusing to take a nap, I'll take them over and do the treadmill while I watch tv. They have an awesome little childcare facility there and the boys love going.

  • I have very little help.

    DH's family is 14+ hrs away, mine live about 20 minutes away and are not available to help in any compacity. I can count on one hand how many times my family has helped me out.

    I do have access to a mother's helper- which I use about 5hrs a week during busy season (none after busy season- just don't see the point) and we use her for occassional monthly date night.

    We have not been away overnight/OOT without the kids- And honestly that doesn't bother either one of us at all.

    On occassion- I have a cleaner come in and do a deep cleaning for me. Usually during busy season 1x a month.

    I do swap childcare every now and then with another mom. However that is about it.

    I AM the 'village' when it comes to 'it takes a village to raise a child'

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  • No cleaning/household help (and my home reflects that).

    My ILs love to spend time with DD (their only grandchild) so DH and I get a date night once or twice a month. They watched her for three days last year while we did a little anniversary getaway and they also took care of DD for a week earlier this month while DH and I took a 5th anniversary trip to Maui.

    ETA: My parents live 12 hours away, so they don't regularly babysit DD. If they're in town visiting, which they do once or twice a year, they are happy to watch DD while DH and I go out for a date.

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  • We have a nanny here on Tuesdays and Thursdays while I am at work.  We rarely go out but we have used DH's teenaged cousins as babysitters once or twice.  We also used the girl next door to watch the boys in the evening and put them to bed while we were out on the patio drinking with her parents and other neighbors.  =)  

    Aside from the cousins we haven't used other members of DH's family as baby sitters.  They are too far away (hour plus with traffic) and there are a couple of them who I would NEVER leave alone with my kids anyway.  My parents live 1500 miles away so they are out.

    I really need to work on getting a couple of people set up as sitters for us.  DH and I need to get out more! 

    Since I dropped to part-time I had to give up my cleaning person which stinks.   

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    My twins are 5! My baby is 3!

    DS#2 - Allergic to Cashew, Pistachio, Kiwi

    DS#3 - Allergic to Milk, Egg, Peanut, Tree Nuts and Sesame

  • Not much. I do all the cleaning. DH and I may have a date night every couple of months. But after the new baby is born I doubt it will even be that often.
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  • Housework/cleaning: No help, it is all me around here. Babysitting: We are very lucky because through divorce/remarriage we have four sets of parents and they are all about a half hour from us. My MIL and FIL are both retired and will come over the day if I have an appointment or if I want to meet a friend for lunch. My mom is a teacher and will help with DS in the summer if I need her. All of our parents are good about taking a turn for us to go on a date night, so we go on about 3-4 dates a month. My mom and stepdad and DH's dad and stepmom have taken DS overnight for us a few times so we can get away as well.
    BFP#1 7/09 DS born 3/30/10 BFP#2 5/11 M/C 6/11 BFP#3 9/11 M/C 10/11 BFP #4 5/20/12 Pregnancy Ticker
  • None.  We're a two-day drive from any family.

    We like it that way, though.  We have a few teengaers we hire to babysit if we want to go out.  I have some friends and we trade off babysitting.  I don't feel like we are suffering any because we don't have help.

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  • My help are our gym and our neighbors.  Our gym allows for 2 hours of child care a day.  Our neighbors watch DD when needed - my doctor and dentist appointments and the occasional date night.  
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  • Big fat ZERO.  We are having our first date night tonight after about two years.  We don't know a lot of people, and were having a hard time finding someone we trust enough to watch our boys.  

    My family lives in Georgia, DH's family lives in North Dakota. 

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  • I guess I'm in the minority to say that I have tons of help HOWEVER, I have been struggling with severe PPD since DD was born.

    I have a housekeeper. I had a nanny up until last week...now DD goes to daycare three half days per week. My in-law take her every Friday night to Saturday to give me another break. My sister comes over frequently, and I have a student moving in to give me some companionship during the day.

    I'm very spoiled, but right now I need all the help I can get because it's better than being in the hospital! (which I was for 6 months)

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  • I get a lot of help from my parents. They want to see my kids every week so it works out that I can get stuff done when they come over. I can get a sitter if I need to, but I'm lucky enough to not need one most of the time. They'll have all 3 of them overnight anytime I ask which is really nice for a date night and we've left all or one of the kids with them overnight at least 5 times for OOT trips.

    I don't have hired help such as cleaning crews, lawn service, etc. My DH doesn't work ridiculous hours and works from home so he has no problem taking care of the house/yard and then helping me out when I need it so that everything else can get done.

  • none
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  • A fair amount.  I have teenagers and they do help.  They do their laundry on Sundays. I do it on Wednesday. They will usually help with the baby unless they are busy doing their own thing. They are expected to do the dishes and clean the kitchen after meal times. Also my dd will watch the baby whenever we want a date night.

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  • DH's parents live 1.5 hrs away and are retired. His mom comes down as needed to watch DD during the day while I deep-clean, get my hair done, go to doc appts, or run errands.  It's only like once every other week and I do it more for her than for me.

    My parents live 3.5 hrs away and are happy to come for a weekend to watch her if we are going OOT (we haven't done this yet but will this fall), but they have a super busy schedule as it is, so we need to plan far in advance.

    As for emergencies or something, I have a few neighbors that I could probably ask.  No one that we're comfortable asking to watch at night and so we haven't had a date night yet :(

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  • No help for housekeeping, but if I need a sitter my family all lives a few miles from us.

  • Very little.  We live over an hour from both of our parents.  Once every month or so, the ILs will offer to come up for the day and take Eva out so I can have some me time which is nice.  As for date nights they are very rare but our neighbor will babysit if we are in a pinch or I take Eva to my parents' (but that's a pain because it involves driving there and back twice just for a few hours out).  If we are going oot, Eva always stays at my parents' house.  They are great about watching her but we have to go to them.
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  • A ton.  My parents live 40 minutes away.  My mom watches DS one day a week and would watch him pretty much any other time we ask (if she's free, obviously).  DH only works 3 days/week though so I don't even feel like we need a lot of help.  We can get a lot done on our own.  I know how lucky we are though, I know how difficult it must be to have a DH who works long hours and no family help.  
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  • We have a lot.  DH's parents live in town, who are great with kids and their passion in life are there 17 (yeah, 17) grandkids.  That being said - With 17 grandkids, we all have to 'schedule' in advance usually. lol  But hey, that's fine by me - I trust them with the kids and they love 'em.

    They watch both kids for me for 4 hours once per month while I go into the office.  In addition to that, they take one of the kids for an entire day once or twice a month, usually, enabling me to spend focused time with the one who is left home with me, which is awesome.

    They have offered and would watch the kids if we wanted to go out of town by ourselves but the desire hasn't come up yet.  

    We are seriously blessed to have them in our life.... if we had to rely on my family, we'd never get any help unless we paid for it. 

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  • JCMJCM member
    I have a house keeper & she comes one Tuesdays.  She does the "deep" cleaning, no laundry, no tidying up & she won't touch dishes.  That does help a ton.  DD is also starting Montessori school on Tuesday & will be going Tuesday & Thursdays from 9-3.  My mom baby sits sometimes but not as often as she would like to think she does.  She is also pretty flaky.  She will commit to a date then "something" comes up, meaning my step-father has something to do with it.  I am looking for a baby sitter so I can go to appointments or DH & I can go on date night.  The last date night we had was when Black Swan was in the theaters!  Too long.
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  • No cleaning help, and my DH has even gotten super bad lately. Every morning I come out to the living room and his socks are in a pile under the living room table, ugh. I have enough mess from DD.

    As for babysitting, my parents live nearby, but are pretty young, have my 11 YO sister at home still and are busy.  They watch DD for date night about once per month and occasionally while I catch up on some of my WAH projects.

    I am excited that my sister is getting old enough for babysitting. She took a babysitting class this summer, so I might have her come over after school sometime to watch LO here while I work in the other room so she can gain some experience and I can focus.

    DD1: Maya 05/10
    DD2: Lucia (Lucy) 07/13
  • I have "help" by way of DD#1, but she's not here all the time (with her dad every other week until school starts but then she'll be in school).  She'll keep an eye on them while I go for a run or run some errands, stuff where I'll be out of the house.

    As for other help, my mom will babysit a lot but she lives an hour away.  So it doesn't really make sense for her to babysit for a few hours so I can get my hair cut or we can have dinner and see a movie.  We usually have to plan an overnight visit (they go to her) when she babysits.  MIL will babysit once in a blue moon and my brother will hang out with the kid in a pinch.  We're not interested in employing any outside babysitting help.

    Otherwise, that's it. 

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  • A lot.  I am very, very blessed.

    We live in the same city as my mom.  My dad passed away earlier this year unexpectedly, so we moved 7 minutes away from my mom to be close to her (I'm an only child and have always been really close to my parents).  She helps TREMENDOUSLY with DD....would we be able to survive w/o her help if we lived in different cities?  Sure.  But it is SO nice to be able to drop DD off at my mom's house if I need to go do something.  She also is the one to watch DD if we ever go out of town, and is our go-to babysitter if we go out.  

    I still need to find one or two back-up babysitters just in case, though. 

    I also have been sending her to MDO since she was 6 months old for 3 days a week.  She starts preschool on Monday 3 days a week.

    We have a cleaning lady (almost like family; she used to work for my grandparents from the time I was a little one!) who comes once a week.  We have yardmen who come once a week during the spring/summer. 

     

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  • Zero. We live 10 hours from the closest family. I grew up with zero as well, so I guess I don't know what I am missing.
  • I have a babysitter while I work - every other Monday 3 hrs in the morning, 3 hrs in afternoon, every other Tuesday 2 hrs in the evening, Wednesday 5 hrs after lunch, Thursday 2 hrs in the evening.  Our babysitter will wash/fold a load of DD's laundry or sweep a floor while here.  Additionally, I have hired her a few times to clean our home - not a routine thing, but an option.  She is fabulous.

    My mom/dad & sister will babysit for a date night or if I need to schedule other work & the babysitter isn't available (or my family wants)
  • Cleaning help- DH has been doing the floors on Friday mornings when he gets home from his overnight shift

    Childcare help- on Fridays, I work and DH is home- we have a daddy's helper (his cousin) for the morning hours when he gets home from working overnight and needs to sleep. We pay her.

    If we go out of town- DH's brother goes to college 15 minutes from our home and used to live with us- he takes care of the dog and plants for free while we are gone (by "free" I mean that the only compensation he gets is ransacking our fridge/pantry/landry room/ bathroom for food/detergent/DH's razors & axe to take back to his dorm).

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  • imageStacyc625:

    I have very little help.

    Same here - almost none really.  We do all our own cleaning and maintenance - yardwork, etc.  It's hard to keep the lawn mowed because it's a large corner property.  One of us is often mowing at 8pm.  My DH used to be a mechanic so he even fixes and maintains the cars.  He built the shelves in our living room.  During the newborn stage I would have killed to have someone just push him in the stroller for an hour so I could close my eyes.  But, no.  I take him with me to get my haircut and when I go to the doctor.  For the dentist we both go on a Saturday and have back to back appts so we can take him with us.

    We have been out alone twice since Daniel was born. Each time one of my sisters watched him and it was GREAT.  We are reluctant to get a babysitter because we don't know one personally.  My DH is more uncomfortable with it than I am.  My friend has one she trusts and I would be willing to try it after he went to bed one night but so far we haven't done it.  Sometimes I'm stunned by how much help other people have both on here and IRL.  And they still complain. lol  It definitely taints my advice to people who are complaining about the behavior of their FREE babysitters.

    We're lucky that so far he is a really friendly party animal type. lol  We go out to eat and he loves it.  Or we got to an outdoor bar for drinks and apps and can take him with us.  It would really stink if he made a fuss and we couldn't go out at all.  Our anniversary is Sunday and it kind of hurts that we can't go out to dinner.  But we just feel so blessed right now that we're not going to be brats about it.

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  • Our family is all about 20 hours away or a flight. My mom was here when I had ds2. We hire a babysitter about once a month for a date night.
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  • My parents watch my kids while I work part time, and keep them twice a month for date night.

    My DH only works 9-5 so I have his help a lot too.

    I don't have any sort of help in terms of cleaning.

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  • My mom helps me - she lives a few miles away and doesn't work so it's really helpful.  She watches the boys every Monday morning for 3 hours or so and the first Friday of the month for date night.  Those are the only scheduled times but she usually helps whenever I need (esp. for appointments so I don't have to drag the kids along), she'll keep the boys overnight a couple times a year, etc.

    ETA: I don't have help for cleaning. Occasionally when I am pregnant my mom will offer to clean the house, I usually accept.  But that's so rare.  Dh doesn't do any of the cleaning either.

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  • None! We live 10 hours from both of our families and do not have a babysitter. We really need to find a babysitter here but just haven't met anyone. I do all of the cleaning with a little help from DH.  DH and I also both mow our TINY lawn as needed.

    DH and I have not had a date night in way too long. When we lived in KY we were only 4 hours from my parents and my mom visited once a month. DH and I would go out one night while she was there.  My parents also kept the kids for the weekend so we could go OOT for our anniversary last year. Now they are too far away to visit that often or take the kids just for the weekend.

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  • None. We just moved to a new city/state, and will be moving into a new house next month. After that we'll start networking.
  • None outside of a friend that will babysit for us once a month so we can go on a date. I do the same for her and her DH once a month.

    We are a 9 hour plane ride from any family. Although we do have great friends here, we would never ask them for OOT childcare or anything like that. It has been this way for most of DD's life. We are use to it!  

    ETA: Whenever we are visiting "home" we take advantage of all of the grandparents and aunts/uncles. We always take a weekend away and usually store up lots of date time. But we go home once a year! 

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  • We have a cleaning crew every other week, DD1 did MDO one morning a week last year and will start preschool two mornings a week this fall, I occasionally have a mother's helper come for a few hours a week (not every week), and twice a month have a babysitter come so I can get out for four hours without the kids.  DH and I are lucky to have family nearby, so we get out for date nights at least twice a month if not more.  We also leave the kids with the grandparents twice a year for mini adult vacations.  :-)
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