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Adoption
home in profile
I'm working on our profile book and I'm not sure if we are going to put a picture of our home in it. I'm comfortable having the pic in there, but my husband does not want potential birthmoms to find out house. I think this is ridiculous, but I need to respect his wishes. Did you put a pic of your house in your profile? For those of you that placed your child, would you have chosen an adoptive family without seeing a pic of the home?
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Re: home in profile
I don't think we had one. Is your house that distinctive that someone can randomly find it from looking at a picture?
Are you working with someone who can give you guidance on this issue?
Can you compromise and show pictures of you inside your home but not the outside?
Why not the nursery? I have not been told to not include it and was just wondering why it shouldnt be before I get my profiles printed?
Our lawyer also recommended that we not include a photo of our nursery in our profile. She also asked us to either not use wedding photos or limit them.
It is okay to show photos of the other rooms in your home (although you be doing something in them -- ex. if you love to cook, show a photo of you cooking or your family gathered in the kitchen/dining room), but the nursery isn't recommended b/c you don't want her to think you assume her baby is already yours, be sad she isn't planning her own nursery (which of course she is, but she doesn't need that reminder), or show off what you can afford and she may not be able to.
It's okay to mention you have plans to accommodate a baby and you have a waiting nursery, but actual pictures are generally discouraged. Of course, this doesn't mean every mom looking at your profile wouldn't like to see a nursery and some probably would...but adoption professionals in general seem to think it's a bad idea to include them.
We were told that we could have a picture of our house in the profile but not a "real estate" shot -- you don't want it to look like you're bragging about your house. We ended up using a picture of us sitting on our porch; you can't really see the house very much.
When we met our dd's birthmom, we took a scrapbook that I had made for her and it included pics of our house, including a nursery. She really liked that we were ready. But we did not include those pics in our profile...they were just in the scrapbook.
I know you are going to get lots of recommondations.. and here's mine:
1- How about a close up shot of you and DH in your front or back yard. It won't show your actual house but give a sense of your home.
2- Pics of your nursery.
I see that MrsB was told not to include them. We were told the opposite.
Our current match says that one of the things she loved about our profile was the pics we included of the nursery.
I went on the theory that most people are visual and perhaps it would help a potential birth mom to "see" where the baby would be living. So we included one exterior shot and then a few pictures from around the house, but not the whole room. For example, flower beds, our dogs by their bowls, and coffee maker with a caption about how we need our morning java. I did put a partial nursery shot in of a bookshelf with books and a rocking chair. No crib. Guess I tried to strike a balance between showing off the house and giving a glimpse into our lives.
In the end, I think the woman who picked us was more interested in our neighborhood. I did include pictures of the local parks and walking paths.
What MamaB said. You don't want to seem like you are bragging or are not sensitive to her (I understand some people have been told and have done the opposite...I guess it's just what you prefer or what your agency/consultant/whoever prefers.). Same thing with a picture of just your house...I wouldn't do it. I do like the suggestion of maybe you sitting on your front porch if you have one and take a picture of that or you and your husband doing an activity together in the front or back yard. You don't want it to look like you are trying to sell your house...you want to "sell" you and how great you and your husband are! (If you are really wanting to take a picture of the nursery then maybe consider taking one of you painting a wall or something).
Just my two cents!
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We are going to go ahead and put an outside pic of the house. There is nothing distinct about it, so I don't foresee any problems.
Thanks ladies for your input!
We have a photo of the two of us with the dogs on our front lawn. When some BPs* were looking at it they thought they could tell where we lived, because they thought they knew one of our neighbours (one other shot later showed us in the street with others houses in partial view). We live in a pretty plain 1960s ranch, so it could have been a mistake... but it did make us pause a bit.
The SW reminded them that they had to consider looking through our profile private and try not to think about knowing our house or not. I think it was entirely innocent of them to try and identify the house, it wasn't them being creepy or stalker-ish (It's not like they've been doing walk-bys).
We chose to keep that photo in for subsequent matching sessions.
*That was a couple who decided not to pick us in the end.