I can't move on

MrsMS2008

It's been one month since I lost my precious baby. I was only 9 weeks, but in those short weeks I fell in love with my baby. I was a mother, I was happy, I spent all my time dreaming about the future. And now I have nothing.  No one understands, and I don't know what to do anymore.  I can not stop thinking about the baby, and I don't want to, but all I do all day is cry. Everytime I talk about it, or someone asks me how I am, I cry.  My husband doesn't understand, it wasn't a baby to him. We'll get pregnant again and have another.  But I don't want another baby, I want that one. I want to know what he/she would have looked like. I want to know everything, and I never will know.  It's really starting to affect my marriage, but I can't move on, and he has.  I don't know what to do anymore.  I don't want to cry all the time, but how I am supposed to be happy when my baby is gone? 

 Sorry for the depressing intro, I just need somewhere to go where others understand. 

 ~M

figgs0831

I am so sorry you are going through a tough time.  The grief and depression is something that I know all to well at the moment.  Have you been able to talk to anyone about this?  Maybe a family member, your DH or a therapist of some sorts.  If you are not a talker, have you considered possibly exploring a prescription therapy?  I am not a medicine pusher by any means, but for me it is easier to take a pill then to speak openly about what is going on in my head. 

My husband too has moved on, but I am not willing to let this bump be the end of us.  People grieve differently and I am sure that our DH's have suffered in their own way.  Maybe you could try little things to shift your focus.  For instance, take up a hobby or an activity.  I have found that running makes me feel a little better.  For those 60 minutes, it is just me and the road.  There are no other thoughts going through my head.

The grief will begin to get easier as time goes on and although we will never get to hold our angel baby, they will always live on in our heart.  It makes me smile when I see something like a rainbow or a shooting star.  I always think it is him looking down.  I know it is silly, but it is something that helps me get through the day. 

I hope things begin to get easier for you and I am hear if you need to talk.

MrsMS2008

Thank you for the reply.  I used to run, and I think that's a great idea. You're right, I need a hobby.  There's a 5K in September that I was originally going to run, but my RE said no exercise while we were pregnant/trying. Maybe training for that will give me something to focus on. 

My husband keeps telling me to go talk to someone, because he doesn't understnad and isn't very good at listening to me.  I don't know....maybe in the future, just don't think I'm ready for that yet.

 I'm so sorry for your loss also.  And I do not think it's silly that a rainbow makes you think of your baby.  Thanks again. Although I wish no one had to go through this, it is definitely easier to talk to someone who understands.

~M

lovin life23

I am so, so sorry hun..((big hugs))....what I would encourage you to do..if and when you are ready..is to have a special little day/ceremony to dedicate your baby and 'release' your LO to heaven...we did this a week after we lost our LO and about 2 days after my D&C...it was so vital for us to on our own, dedicate her to christ and let go...say our goodbyes..

we drove to a secluded beach with a white balloon, we each took turns writing a letter to our baby on the balloon, we prayed together, cried, watched the ocean waves...prayed again...and released the balloon as we released her to God..it was so beautiful, so important for 'us' to feel like we can say our goodbyes and let her go b/c since we had a missed m/c...we felt like it was just taken from us..and it we didnt find out til nearly a week later at my 12 wk appt so it was even harder as we had felt like it JUST happened rather than the week before...but what we did on that beach was good for us...I have it all detailed with pics and everything in my blog...down the right hand side are my 'most popular posts' and you can find it there...xoxoxo you will get thru this girl! hang in there! we are here for you!!

Diananicole7

I am so very sorry for your loss.

I don't think this is something we will ever get over but this board (sharing with people who understand and relating to their stories) has helped me so much to "move on".

Also, maybe you could get something to always remember your baby by. I am planning on getting a tattoo of my baby's EDD birth flower on my wrist so I will always have something with me to remember my baby. Others have mentioned getting a piece of jewelry with the EDD birthstone.

charmedgrl517

So sorry for your loss......I am trying to figure this all out myself as well......we just found out today that we lost our baby at 8wks......I am in disbelief and shock.....I am sad and angry that this happened......I hope things get easier for all of us that m/c.......I don't know what to do next......I was sooo happy to finally be pregnant and be a mom.....now i feel lost and screwed out of  life

aadewitt

Im new to this feeling, but you should not feel bad about not being able to move on yet.  Everyone moves on at different times.  But i did want to suggest that since you don't want another baby you want the one you lost maybe it couldn't hurt to talk to a professional.  like I said I am new to this and still getting over mine.  But if you keep wanting the one you can't have it might not be healthy.  But please do what you feel is best.  Maybe give it another few weeks and then see how you feel.