"I don't want you here. I don't like you"

ashleyaugust7

This is what my 5 year old DD said to FIL yesterday, when he came over his mother's house where DH's cousin was watching DD.

Not acceptable, we were very upset when we found out, talked to her about it, had her call FIL and apologize.

FIL thinks that she was "hateful" and that if she acts like this at 5, how is she going to act at 20, etc etc.  I think, that while it was VERY rude, she is 5 and she is going to make mistakes.  As long as we deal with it as her parents, it is not an indication of lifelong rudeness.

WDYT? Is this abnormal for a 5 yo to say? 

LIMom

Was there any reson she said it to him? If not then maybe just explain that everyone has feelings and it hurts people when you talk that way.

Jodi&Joe

I sure hope so because Joey and Cam tell me they don't like me.  Quite often actually. 

I think you handled it REALLY well and I think your FIL is totally overthinking the situation -- he got his feelings hurt, I'm guessing. 

stacynikki

I think that 5 year olds don't yet have a filter or have learned what thoughts they need to keep to themselves.  So, no, I don't think it's an indication of lifelong rudeness.  Think of the things kids say all the time that we find hilarious because they are so literal!  This is the same thing just not so funny this time.

belle204

I think it's common of that age. Amarah will tell me she doesn't like me or other people but I'm not sure she gets why it's rude and could hurt feelings. So, I try to flip it and ask how she would feel if someone told her that. Has something happened to make her say that? I know A is bad about it if she's not getting her way. I don't think it's an indication of how she'll be when she's older. They are still learning and as long as you're addressing it it shouldn't turn into a bigger issue. Kwim?

august06mom

Jodi&Joe:

I think you handled it REALLY well and I think your FIL is totally overthinking the situation -- he got his feelings hurt, I'm guessing. 

This. DS has said it to other kids that he wants them to go home. Like you said, it's not acceptable but it's not unusual.

tammy79

I don't think it's abnormal at all for her to have said, Like the PP said 5 year olds have zero filter and say what they feel in the moment, while what they said can be hurtful at times, I try not to make a big thing about it. My DS told me yesterday that I was a "bad mommy,and he did not like me " because I put him in time out for something that he did.  I think your FIL is overreacting, and you handled it correctly, I would just let it go. 

belle204

tammy79:

My DS told me yesterday that I was a "bad mommy,and he did not like me " because I put him in time out for something that he did.  

Sometimes when I'm being an adult snot I will tell her "That's fine. I never asked you to like me but I still love you" and usually she'll giggle and say she loves me too. Kids are just very forthright. They can take you or leave you.

ashleyaugust7

Well, at least I can tell FIL I don't have the only future a**hole kid   He tends to overreact in general, but I do think DD's apology made him feel better.

 

She has told me that I've "ruined her entire summer" at times this summer- she tends to have a flair for the dramatic.  I have a hard time not laughing at that, tbh.

Mominator

Honestly, I think that your FIL is overreacting. Yes, it was a crappy thing to say and yes I can see how it can be hurtful, but she's FIVE! My kids tell me this at least once a week when they are upset with me. I think that you handled it fine, honestly, you probably did more than I would have.

shouldbworkin

Pretty normal, IMO. She's trying to express herself and hasn't learned the right way to do it yet.  One of the best ways to learn is to do it wrong the first time. 

summerbrideDC

She's 5; she's got no filter & expresses her emotions in extremes (my 5yo tells me I "never ever ever" let him have fun if I say no to one play date out of 6 in a week's time).   Honestly, I think your FIL is the one who's reacting hatefully in this situation.  He's the adult; pouting and asking how she's going to be at 20 if she behaves like this at 5 is a total over-reaction (not to mention offensive--is a little girl always just supposed to be sweet & pleasing to everyone?  Not have her own voice & opinions?  How is having an opinion about this guy "hateful"?)

If I were in his shoes, I'd be wondering what I did that made my grandchild express such negative feelings about me.  

shouldbworkin

ashleyaugust7:

She has told me that I've "ruined her entire summer" at times this summer- she tends to have a flair for the dramatic.  I have a hard time not laughing at that, tbh.

LMAO!  DS and DD say stuff like this all the time.  The drama!  Ugh!

ashleyaugust7

summerbrideDC:

(not to mention offensive--is a little girl always just supposed to be sweet & pleasing to everyone?  Not have her own voice & opinions?  How is having an opinion about this guy "hateful"?)

If I were in his shoes, I'd be wondering what I did that made my grandchild express such negative feelings about me.  

I totally agree with you about girls not always having to be sweet.  What we told her is she has to be basically polite unless that person is hurtful to you (and then she would be justified in saying go away from me, etc).  And regardless of FIL's issues with how overboard he went to us he didn't express that to her (calling her hateful...) and he isn't someone she dislikes normally.  So that is why we did feel like we need to address it, because I do expect politeness from her (and would from a son as well).

Now, insisting on hugs, playing, etc with someone who she doesn't want to, that is another story.