Backstory - DH and I are legally married. We did the "pregnant at the courthouse" thing for a variety of legal reasons (well - and because we were engaged and love each other). I didn't want to do a wedding pregnant (I know some people don't mind, I want to drink the booze if Im paying for it). Before DD was born, we signed the contract to do our wedding at a beautiful resort at the beach where we got engaged. We knew if we waiting until after baby not only would the date probably be gone, we would probably not actually do it.
Well now I know why I would not of actually done it! I knew it would be expensive, but I feel ridiculous shelling out 25 thousand dollars for a wedding when we are already married. We have a bigish wedding party (6 each) and I feel silly about that too. The wedding planning is pretty time-consuming and exhausting as well, considering I have a 2.5 month old and I am knee deep in studying for the CPA exam.
Please tell me I will be happy I had a beautiful wedding and got to be a bride! Because right now it feels like a frivalous, expensive headache!
Oh and note: I cant really get out of it. We would lose 8,000 dollars just from our contract with the resort. Not spending that for nothing.
Re: Im thinking this wedding was a bad idea...
I think you should do what stresses you out the least. If you're going forward with it because you feel like you should, then maybe it's not what you really want.
If you feel like someday you may regret not doing it, or that you never got to "be the bride" then I think by all means, you should do it!
And don't worry about a big wedding party... I had 6 each because they were all close friends/family. It's YOUR day, do it up however you want to!!
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I eloped, too. I was 19 at the time (still very happily married 8 years later). Anyway, for a while I felt like I really jipped (sp?) myself and would get upset when other people were planning weddings. But now I really don't care. I think of the money needed to throw a renewal ceremony and I would rather use it to buy a house.
I agree with a pp who suggested asking the resort if you can turn the 8k into a vacation instead. And maybe just you and hubby can renew your vows w/o an actual ceremony and reception. That way you still get to wear a dress and have pictures.
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The 8,000 would be a total loss, I mean sure, maybe I could stay there for a few nights, but its an hour away and I can go there anytime. Its not a destination wedding (I suppose I should of specified that - I live near the beach).
As far as doing something just me and him - we are doing it so everyone else can celebrate with us. We did it me and him the last time. We have already asked everyone to be in our wedding party, sent out save the dates and hired a DJ.
For getting it cheaper than 25k - that isnt really all that easy. A very large chunk of that is the catering at the resort. The location is what is pricey, and its also the most meaningful part. We got engaged there, we stayed there after we got married at the courthouse, and we have stayed there several other times in the past. We love it. When you are throwing down 14k for the ceremony and catering, its hard to keep the prices down. Oh - and there is virtually no negotiation on their pricing in March at the beach. They do a lot of weddings and could book up another 100 person wedding on a Saturday in March in a millisecond. Also - almost all the beach resorts offer very similar pricing, so I can't really argue that either.
For what its worth - the 25k includes our honeymoon, which is going to be a glorious 7 night cruise without DD. So its probably more fair to call the wedding 22k.
Don't get me wrong - we can afford to do it without going into any debt, its more that it seems wasteful. To be honest with you, DH wanted the big wedding more than I did, it was a huge compromise to be at 100 people (and the 6 person wedding party is his doing too).
Thanks everyone for the input. I have to just close my eyes, break out the credit card, and try to enjoy this. I think I am just not used to being so self-indulgent. Ive never had a lavish birthday party, an engagement party, a graduation party, nothing.
Has it ever dawned on you that you already had your wedding? You made the decision to go to JOP it so that you could have the bennifits of being married when you wanted them. Now you just want your pretty pretty princess day?
Also if you have to put it on your CC to pay for this wedding you should really re-think it. You are already married enjoy it and move on, don't go into debt for a PPD.
From reading both of your posts, it seems like you identified a lot of reasons to move forward. I think that your children will like seeing the pictures, your DH wants it, and your family will enjoy celebrating with you. You are this far in- I think that at this point, it's time to smile and go through with it.
I would hate to think that you might regret not doing it someday. I don't think you are really going to regret doing it unless it results in financial difficulty, which you said it would not.
um, did you read the OP and/or her follow up reply?
Seriously.
'Pretty pretty princess day'?!...really? And fyi, it's 'benefits'.
To the OP, it sounds like you've already decided that it doesn't make sense not to go through with it. So, you might as well make the best of it.
I loved every single second of our wedding and wouldn't change a thing. I bet you'll look back on that day with such great memories since you were finally able to celebrate with all of the people who mean the most to you. Just enjoy it!
I agree with this. It's truly one of the only moments in my adult life that I can look back and NOT see/feel/think of the kids and that is very special to me.
Can you change things up so you don't lose your deposit, have a great time but don't spend $25,000 and tons of time planning a ginormous event?
However, I'm pretty meh on big weddings, DH and I each chose aspects that were important to us and then tried to keep it simple around those points. My point to all of this is pick a few points that are important to you and toss the other stuff aside and have a less expensive, less stressful, more meaningful wedding.
Edited after reading OP response
I think the classy thing to do is to make sure your guest know it is a vow renewal (You don't want to seem gift grabby or a liar) and proceed with honesty and openness. I would hate for someone to blow it out of proportion that you are already married and ruin this for you.
It's an odd situation to be in, but it sounds like your family and friends are all aware of the situation.
I loved my wedding and wouldn't change having it. It was all about being in love and you can still do that when you're married, if you keep it classy and understand it's a vow renewal. (In my opinion)
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::rolls eyes:: It just makes you look stupid when you write before reading the whole post and replies.
OP- At this point I would just move forward with the wedding- without any regrets. In the end regret can ruin the experience, so try to make it everything you want it to be.
GL
This.