Stay at Home Moms

Opinions for someone about to TTC - what has your SAH experience been like?

Hi Ladies,

I usually post on the nest, but DH and I have been talking more lately about TTC and what "life after having a baby" is going to be like, and I would love to hear from some of you ladies about what your life as a SAHM has been like.  A little background:  We both work FT right now but live off only DHs paycheck and bank mine.  So, finances are not a reason why I would need to go back to work.  However, sometimes I worry that after a year or so of SAH, I will be incredibly bored or anxious to get some adult interaction.  I know a decision does not need to be made right now, but my dilemma is that I know I won't want to go back to work after my FMLA 12 weeks of leave, but I also might go stir crazy after a year or so.

Was this a concern for you before you had TTC?  Are you currently struggling with SAH, or are you loving it?  

Part of me is excited at the thought of always having a parent with our (future) kids, and I sometimes fantasize about how I can be a loving mom while cooking a great dinner (while the baby naps for example) for when DH gets home...but then I realize I am probably crazy and painting a rosy picture of something that is completely different in real life.  So can you tell me what to expect for say, the first year of SAH and having a baby...and then even how it changes when baby #2 comes along?

Thanks in advance!!

BabyFruit Ticker

Re: Opinions for someone about to TTC - what has your SAH experience been like?

  • For me the boredom was the newborn stage because they couldn't interact with me.  By the time they are 1 year old they are babbling and getting into everything, there is no time for boredom.  As far as adult interaction goes that is all in your hands...find a playgroup, go to free library storytime, mommy/me classes, these are all places you can meet other sahms.  Remember you get out of it, what you put into it.  I have been a sahm for 10.5 yeas and have never regretted leaving my career to stay home with my children.
  • My advice would be to wait and see how you feel *after* the baby is born. Many women dream of SAH, but once they have a baby to care for 24/7, they start to feel different. Right now, everything is just swirling in your head. I believe you really have to "live" it to get a good idea of what your life would be like SAH vs. working.

    I went back to work after 12 weeks. It wasn't always easy, but we adjusted. DD was also at an incredible daycare. One thing lead to another and I was given the option of SAH. I tried it. It was a wonderful experience, but personally I always felt a void. I enjoyed getting dressed up, putting make-up on every day, having lunch with co-workers, ect. I just recently went back 3 days a week and I LOVE it! To me it's the perfect balance. DD is getting things out of daycare, that I wouldn't be able to provide and I get a little more "me" time.

    Good luck.

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  • imagepumpkinwife07:

    My advice would be to wait and see how you feel *after* the baby is born. Many women dream of SAH, but once they have a baby to care for 24/7, they start to feel different. Right now, everything is just swirling in your head. I believe you really have to "live" it to get a good idea of what your life would be like SAH vs. working.

    I went back to work after 12 weeks. It wasn't always easy, but we adjusted. DD was also at an incredible daycare. One thing lead to another and I was given the option of SAH. I tried it. It was a wonderful experience, but personally I always felt a void. I enjoyed getting dressed up, putting make-up on every day, having lunch with co-workers, ect. I just recently went back 3 days a week and I LOVE it! To me it's the perfect balance. DD is getting things out of daycare, that I wouldn't be able to provide and I get a little more "me" time.

    Good luck.

    I have had a similar experience as well and agree to wait until baby is here to make a final decision.

    I also did not enjoy SAH full time and enjoy working part time. It doesnt necessarily have to be one or the other. You can enjoy all the benefits of being home the majority of the time but having a job as well for the adult interaction. You can always see if part time is an option at your company or try to find something else part time.

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  • SAH is the ideal scenario for our family, so we are thrilled that it has worked out so well for us.  Having said that, every baby is different, so planning and thinking ahead to how wonderfully clean the house will be, how you'll have nice meals cooked nightly, and how you'll be well rested and thrilled to be hanging out with a baby all day and night is not realistic.  Our life was that for about a month.  Just like working, you will have ups and downs, but if SAH is right for you, they will be mostly ups.  Life was admittedly easy for me with one.  For us, it became much more challenging once #2 arrived.  But I still wouldn't change a thing.
    BabyFruit Ticker On our way to 3 under 4! DD1 1/22/09 DD2 7/16/10 Baby Boy Due This Summer!
  • imagelittlemermaid:
    For me the boredom was the newborn stage because they couldn't interact with me.  By the time they are 1 year old they are babbling and getting into everything, there is no time for boredom.  As far as adult interaction goes that is all in your hands...find a playgroup, go to free library storytime, mommy/me classes, these are all places you can meet other sahms.  Remember you get out of it, what you put into it.

    This!

    And actually, I never thought I'd be a SAHM (although DH knew I would be). But it worked out that way cause daycare was to much for two kids, and DH made WAY more then me. 

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  • I was extremely career-oriented and our pregnancy was a happy surprise that definitely made me do an abrupt change of pace.  Staying at home was very important to both my husband and I so fully committed myself to the new lifestyle.  After LO was born I joined a mom's support group through the hospital I delivered at.  We're now involved in swim classes (free until he's 5 months) and Musicology (fun, interactive music class).  The other SAHMs that I've met at these classes are amazing and fun and have enriched both my life and my LO.  Prior to delivering I was worried how I would spend my time because I was always a competitive workaholic.  I am LOVING life and make sure to thank my husband all the time for being such a wonderful provider to allow me to have the best life.  Our LO is definitely thriving and we are both really happy with our decision.  At the end of the day you won't regret spending time with your child but you may regret spending time at work AWAY from your child.  My biggest advice to you is to get involved and fully commit yourself to being SAHM if that's what you chose.

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  • I've been home with DD now for over a year and most days I love it. No, I don't always get dinner done during naptime or have a clean house when DH gets home. Sometimes I get in a funk (Like with any job) and feel like something is missing - but overall I really enjoy it and those times are few and far between. I agree with a pp that as they get older and more interactive it is more fun and there is less opportunity for boredom.

    I started working from home for a previous employer when DD was 9 months. I wasn't looking for work, but was contacted with the opportunity and it's working out great. So now, I work from home 15 hours or so a week during nap and evenings when DH is home. I love it, but it does feel like I have no break now!

    DD1: Maya 05/10
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  • Life after baby will be crazy.  I don't know anyone who has little kids who feel that they have it completely together.  I think you will be slightly disappointed after your LO is born because it's very stressful and in all reality your baby will probably be crying the whole time you cook that great dinner for DH:)

    I stay at home because I just personally wasn't comfortable sending my kids to daycare or a babysitter.  I am stressed a LOT of the time and do miss adult interaction but the pros outweigh the cons for me.  I get to be there with my kids for everything and even though I am pulling my hair out a lot of the time, it's very worth it to me.

    It all depends on your personality and it will probably change some after you have a baby.  I wasn't 100% for staying home until after I had my first baby.  I just simply couldn't stand to leave her.  You may find that you miss working but you just don't want to leave your baby and you are very fortunate that you can afford to make the choice to SAH if that's what you want.

    After LO# 2, it just gets harder.  But you probably will feel the same about SAH vs working regardless of what you choose!

    Good luck!

    Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
  • Short of quoting every single one of your replies, THANK YOU all so much for the wonderful advice and viewpoints!  I agree that waiting til our not-yet-conceived-baby (!) is born to decide is probably a good idea.  I'm fortunate that my job/boss is very flexible in that I can choose to be on leave for up to 4 or 5 months (w/o pay) to go through that decision process, so that's good. 

    Also, it's nice to hear so many of you say that you still feel like your life is "full" - not just of stress/housekeeping but of all the activities and moms groups that you're a part of.  I will definitely have to look into what is around our area and how I can become invovled! 

    Thanks again!

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • I absolutely love being a stay at home mom, that being said though, it isn't for everyone. 

    We knew I would SAH before C even arrived, but I can't say there haven't been days here and there (when I've had an especially tough day) where I didn't wonder if maybe I should be working rather than staying at home. I know though that ultimately this is what is best for our family and I cannot imagine not being with C everyday.

    I agree with PP, wait until after baby arrives if you can and see if it is for you.

    As for your rosy picture, some days are like that around here. :) I can sometimes clean the house, and have a meal prepared by the time my H gets home. Other days I am lucky if I got to pee. haha 

  • I would wait and see.  As PP's said, some people think they want to SAH until baby is here and they see how much work it is.  Others don't want to SAH and then decide they want to after baby arrives.

    The first month is a cake walk and then little challenges start to build.  Other than sleep issues, (which have now resolved, for DS), I didn't think this was hard until #2 arrived.

    Even now, it's not (usually) as hard as I had expected, as long as I never sit down. lol

    Just wait and see.  People can give you information on top of information but with children, you just have to wait and 'live it,' as someone else said. 

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  • Ha ha!  You are definitely painting a rosier picture, but I had the same fantasies!  Reality:  The first 4 months were soooooo hard.  I really wondered at times if I made the right decision.  For most moms I know, when you have your first, you are so in love and emotional and protective of this new little baby that you are TERRIFIED to leave the house!  I never thought I'd be like this, but I was.  On top of that, you have an identity crisis.  I wanted to be the same productive person I was, but for the first three months, I could seriously barely get the dishwasher unloaded and keep up with the laundry, let alone cook dinner or even make snacks for myself.  We hired a cleaning service, DH cooked and left breakfast and lunches for me.  I was seriously laying in bed breastfeeding ALL DAY!  But I had a colicky baby who took an hour to complete one nursing session.  Twelve nursing sessions a day and that's a lot of time in bed and no time to accomplish anything (well, except feeding and keeping another little person alive!). 

    Fastforward almost a year from those first few months and I love being a SAHM to a 15 month old!  At around 4 months, I started getting out and making other SAHM friends.  Now we are super busy and I get tons of adult interaction!  I do not miss working at all.  My house isn't always 100% perfect, but I do a pretty good job of keeping up on things.  I cook dinner most days.  And I get to see all of  DD's firsts, get all of her cuddles.  I absolutely love it.

    So, my advice is to give it at least 6 months if you are financially able to and then see where you are. And try your hardest to prepare yourself for a difficult newborn phase.  Then if you get an easy baby it will be all the better! Good luck!

     

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  • imagemrsfirefly:

    Ha ha!  You are definitely painting a rosier picture, but I had the same fantasies!  Reality:  The first 4 months were soooooo hard.  I really wondered at times if I made the right decision.  For most moms I know, when you have your first, you are so in love and emotional and protective of this new little baby that you are TERRIFIED to leave the house!  I never thought I'd be like this, but I was.  On top of that, you have an identity crisis.  I wanted to be the same productive person I was, but for the first three months, I could seriously barely get the dishwasher unloaded and keep up with the laundry, let alone cook dinner or even make snacks for myself.  We hired a cleaning service, DH cooked and left breakfast and lunches for me.  I was seriously laying in bed breastfeeding ALL DAY!  But I had a colicky baby who took an hour to complete one nursing session.  Twelve nursing sessions a day and that's a lot of time in bed and no time to accomplish anything (well, except feeding and keeping another little person alive!). 

    Fastforward almost a year from those first few months and I love being a SAHM to a 15 month old!  At around 4 months, I started getting out and making other SAHM friends.  Now we are super busy and I get tons of adult interaction!  I do not miss working at all.  My house isn't always 100% perfect, but I do a pretty good job of keeping up on things.  I cook dinner most days.  And I get to see all of  DD's firsts, get all of her cuddles.  I absolutely love it.

    So, my advice is to give it at least 6 months if you are financially able to and then see where you are. And try your hardest to prepare yourself for a difficult newborn phase.  Then if you get an easy baby it will be all the better! Good luck!

     

    Wow, I never thought of the terrified/identity crisis thing, but I can definitely see how that can happen now that you mention it!  The general feeling I get from all of these responses is that the downs associate with SAH are worth it compared to getting to be there for all your child's firsts and just generally "being ther" for them.  And also, in my particular situation, I don't love my job.  Actually, I don't even like it, and I don't have much great adult interaction.  So I'm thinking that if I'm proactive about finding some moms groups and doing community things (library time, YMCA swim "lessons" etc.) then I will probably be ok. 

    Thanks again everyone!

    BabyFruit Ticker
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