Lurker--am I crazy? re: carseats
I am curious about how you all would respond to this situation.
My mom and dad watched DS (he's 2.5) today at their house for about six hours--he was asleep for 2 of those. When we left, we forgot to leave our carseat with them, but didn't worry because they have tons of toys for DS, a little bike for him to ride---plenty to do.
When we got home, my mom confessed that they had taken him to the park--she rode in the backseat holding him on her lap seatbelted in. It's about a five minute drive on all side streets, but STILL!!! ARE YOU EFFING KIDDING ME??? I flipped. DH and I have always been nervous about her driving with him (even wiht the carseat) because she has made it clear that all her kids survived without them, blah blah blah. Other than this issue, my mom and dad are amazing with my son and they all have so much fun togehter. She got really upset and said she'd never do anything to endanger him. I tried to explain that neither would I--so how could I leave him with someone who was endangering him??!!
Anyhow, I just sent a long email explaining that I need to know she "gets it" and will never ever do this again. I'm so worried that she'll get defensive instead of just saying "YES. I get it" because I don't know if I can trust her.
How would you have responded? Am I over or under reacting?
Re: Lurker--am I crazy? re: carseats
I would be horrified in your shoes. She should have either stayed home, or called you (at the very least) - provided you were reachable.
However, it's over, everyone one is safe. Next time, be absolutely sure to leave a seat (and install it). I would probably also stress that it is ILLEGAL to do what she did - regardless of state, at 2.5 every state has at least a 'proper child restraint device" law.
Now, if it became a more-than-once issue, I would not allow her to watch my child.
the *only* way that shiit would be ok with me is if they lived in a SMALL town, all the roads were through neighborhoods/non-main traffic roads. And I HIGHLY doubt that is possible, so I would have spoke my mind. I have made it very clear to my parents, MIL, brother..everyone- I am a carseat freak. My kids will always be properly belted in, not an option not to be.
So, what's done is done. As long as she knows it was wrong and promises to never do it again, I would still trust her. I would go to the store and buy a carseat to leave at her house at all times though, and teach her how to properly install it.
I would be very annoyed. Usually, the WTF face is enough for my mother to back down. Why couldn't they have walked if it was that close?
If they are that close to where you live and watch you DC often, why not purchase a carseat for them to have at their house...it doesn't have to be top of the line. Issue solved.
I would also stress that is illegal and the fine is $250 (in the state of Texas).
I agree with jetta 100%
Thank you. You're all making me feel a little better about this. I thought for sure the bump response would be "SHE IS DEAD TO YOU! CUT ALL TIES!" and that maybe I was not reacting strongly enough. Trust me, I made my feelings clear both at the time and in my email....I'm just not ready to never let her watch him again, you know?
In response to somebody's post, it actually is a tiny tiny town and they never left neighborhood streets or crossed major intersections...not that that makes it any better. And they did try to walk but it was 95 degrees today and they didn't have a wagon or a stroller. They just can't say no to him--he wanted to go to the park, so they went. Ugh.
I seriously think our parents' generation doesn't get it about car seats because that's not how it was when we were kids. My mom has told me when she and my dad brought me home from the hospital (in 1977), she held me in the front seat. Can you even imagine just HOLDING a newborn in the front seat??
MIL wanted me to let my 5 y.o. lay across their back seat to "take a nap" when we were road-tripping together from Michigan to Florida. Um, no.
I think you did the right thing expressing how upset you were and how important car seat safety is. Of course she is feeling defensive, but as long as you and she can have an honest talk about it, and she gets it, then I wouldn't worry about your parents watching your son in the future.
While I understand your frustration and concern (I would be annoyed and furious and wary of wanting them to watch my kid again), I am side eyeing that you sent an email with your frustration.
Why didn't you just say when they told you or call them later after you figured out what you needed to say.
I think an email is a chickensh!t way out of it...and with someone who is FAMILY a phone call really would have been a better way to handle the situation.
It drives me INSANE when people say "oh we didn't have carseats back then and you all survived" or whatever....I'm willing to bet a lot of money that the people who are saying that were NOT in an accident. Those that were, are probably not here or were seriously injured and do believe in carseats now. Yeah sure I could take my kid to the park on my lap, but I don't because we MIGHT get in an accident, and carseats are all about keeping us safe IF WE ARE IN AN ACCIDENT. Geez, that really bothers me if you can't tell
That said, I think you reacted appropriately, and I'd just make darn sure that your parents do fully agree to never do that again. They need to respect your rules, and it goes without saying that of course it's the LAW. I hope that you do feel you can trust them and it's a lesson learned and thankfully no one was hurt.
Buy them a car seat to keep that their house so not having one is never an issue again.
Buy them a car seat to keep that their house so not having one is never an issue again.