My DH is NOT ready...
So heres my long and complicated story....Any advice is welcome! 
My dh and I meet in 2004 and have been married for just over 2 years. Before we got married we discussed starting a family and how many kids, how long we would wait, etc.....We also discussed that I want to stay at home.
I have my teaching degree but because of the economy I have not been able to find a position in a public school (for the 3rd year in a row!). So before getting married we agreed that we would wait a few years till starting TTC. We figured that I would be working in a district and I'd want to hold onto that job for a while. Unfortunatly mother nature has been giving me jabs left and right to start TTC. I have 3 more months of Birth Control and have already told DH that I am NOT getting a refill from my OB.
Recently I have been so worked up about this I am having dreams about being pregnant and even had a positive test in my dream last night! TWO to be exact! I can't stand to take a test and see that its negative. I see pregnant women EVERYWHERE!
The worst part is, DH still does not even want to THINK about a baby! He is such a hard worker and provides an amazing amount of our income. He will be an incredible dad!
I am in need of some support because I am reeeeally having a hard time.
Re: My DH is NOT ready...
Chemical Pregnancy
I understand what you mean about having baby rabies, but if your DH isn't 100% on board, then I don't feel it is right to push it. My DH wanted to start TTC before me. He waited, and then when I was ready, he was nervous again...it is very frustrating. But we waited until we BOTH felt ready. It's a good feeling when we both are excited together.
Have you two considered the idea of not trying but not preventing, meaning you stop BCPs, have sex whenever the mood strikes and see what happens?
Personally, I think TTC is something both husband and wife (or gf/bf/so...) should agree on together. GL with whatever you guys settle on!
This made me giggle, Anora
Chemical Pregnancy
And what happens if they are a lucky couple who gets KU on the first "not try not prevent" cycle? Now you're running a (maybe large risk) of being KU and your SO not being on board/happy with it. As frustrating as it may be, you need to wait until both of you are 1000000% on board.
I went through this last year...DH just wasn't ready. So we decided together (despite my horrible case of baby fever) that we would wait until we were both ready. And now, about a year later we are both ready.
I am a teacher in NY and I know how hard it is with the job situation. But work on getting everything together especially if you want to stay home. You don't want him going to work every day and resenting you while he does it.
Sit down and talk it out with him. GL!
Other people's fertility should have no bearing on what you choose to do.
I agree with the others who have said you need to wait until YH is 100% on board, or you're just setting yourself up for disaster. And, FWIW, I think "not trying but not not trying" is a TERRIBLE idea. As others have said, what if you're one of the lucky ones who gets KU on the first try? Your DH may resent you for misleading him if you convince him the odds are unlikely and then you do.
If you've got baby fever (or baby rabies as someone said earlier - love it), maybe you can help out some of your friends with their LOs? Offer to babysit for a night so they can have a date night, or volunteer at a Children's museum or library or something where you can be around kids. You may even find that being around other people's kids makes you appreciate that you can give them back at the end of the day!
BFP #2 8/22/12 | EDD 5/5/13 | DS1 born 5/9/13
BFP #3 4/25/15 | EDD 1/7/16 | MMC 7/2/15 @ 13w1d | D&E 7/8/15
BFP #4 12/9/15 | EDD 8/22/16 | DS2 born 5/18/16 at 26w2d
Just keep swimming.
I agree. I know you meant well but telling her not to wait too long in this case isn't a good idea. She can't get KU without her husband being on board.
If DH isn't ready, you two aren't ready. It sounds harsh, but it's true. Caring for a newborn is hard work, and if one of you can play the "but I didn't really want this right now" card, you're in for trouble. Wait until he's ready, and you'll both be happier (though you feel miserable now) and enjoy pregnancy more. I thought I was ready about a year and a half before DH, but now I'm so glad we waited.
In the mean time, sub a LOT, get yourself into schools as much as possible, and you might want to consider getting a math, science, or special education endorsement to make yourself more marketable. GL!
Are you people serious with this "not trying but not preventing" BS? FFS, what the hell do you think having sex while not using any form of BC is??
Just because you're not temping/using OPK's/etc. doesn't mean you AREN'T still TTC.
I'm kind of embarrassed to see that line being used on TTGP as a means of helping a poster convince her DH to snap into being ready to TTC - I would have expected as much from babygaga... but here? Really?
BFP 1/18/11, EDD 10/1/11. Born at 37w5d on 9/15/11.
***BFP Chart***
"There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. That will be the beginning.
::stomps feet:: HEY! Not all of us thought that was good advice! ::sticks out tounge::
On the flip side...eeek! You are getting close!
::snaps gum and flips hair::
WHATEVA! You don't kno my lyyyyyyfe
LOL you know I would never lump you into that category
And I know! 9 weeks to go! I feel like I've been pregnant all year!!... oh wait. I have been!
BFP 1/18/11, EDD 10/1/11. Born at 37w5d on 9/15/11.
***BFP Chart***
"There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. That will be the beginning.
As PPs have said, you need to have a conversation with your H. It's important that you be on the same page. H wasn't ready when I was and I had to accept that and give him time. He came around.
If you aren't on the same page, or if you don't take BC and wind up pregnant before he's ready, you are going to run into issues. You are looking at potential resentment on one or both ends if you push him before he's ready.
This! I have a very good friend who basically pushed her husband into having their son. Now, she resents her husband because she does about 98% of the child care/child rearing. Make sure you both are ready before you take the plunge. There is no way that I would TTC without DH being 100% in with me.
I sometimes feel as though MH is not being honest with me about his true thoughts and feelings on different subjects. He comes from a home where his mother's opinion is the only one that matters and if someone else has a differing opinion they get flamed so he has learned to just be agreeable - which I do not find an admirable trait for the most part. So, all of that to say this, MH and I go to counseling to help sort things out from time to time.
Do you have a neutral third party who can help you talk through your different points of view - just to help make sure that each understands the other's point of view? A counselor or pastor or maybe just a good friend or other married couple who have been there and worked through it?
Just a thought...FWIW...GL - we all know it's hard and are here to listen!
Not to long ago, actually quite some time ago, I was in your exact shoes. Maybe the background circumstances are different, but at the end of the day we both had a bad case of baby "rabies" and husbands who weren't fully on board so -shrug-
I suffered from a head injury 3 years ago and immediately following the incident my hormones unfortunately decided they weren't going to cooperate. At the time I wasn't TTC or thinking I would in the near future because of my health, so I went on Seasonale (the 3-month pill). I am assuming you might be in the same shoes with the BCP since you said 3 months. I wasn't working, actually I take it back, I couldn't work (different reason than you but same end result), so I got bored at home all day while my husband was at work. I tried different hobbies I could do within my condition but I just wanted it more and more.
My husband didn't want anything to do with it--he was no where near ready. Before he met me he was never even in a relationship that lasted longer than a month or so. However before we got married, he told me that in about a year we could start trying since he'd be 30 soon enough and he thought that was a good age. Right after we got married, he felt completely different, like there was no way in hell in the next 5 years he could imagine himself having a child. I pushed and pushed and pushed until we both ended up resenting each other and the marriage almost being over before it really started.
Fast forward to a few months after we were married, I'd cry most of the time, and he'd be angry that he was being pressured and we both were ready to throw in the towel with the relationship. Lucky for me (I realize this was probably my biggest mistake in this relationship now), he decided he didn't want to call it quits because he knew eventually it was something he'd want and he'd some how grow into the idea even if he wasn't ready at birth. Of course that wasn't good enough for me, not only did I want to TTC but I wanted him too be happy and joyous about it too. We began to try and months and months went by with him never talking to me about it and me having to deal with all the disappointments alone.
Unfortunately that didn't stop there, I found The Bump, hoping to find ways to speed up the process as I was coming up on the year. I soon found out about OPK's and charting, and started both. My OPK's were never positive, but there was a small shift every month on my chart, I thought everything was fine. When I made to testing time, my doctor did CD3 b/w and then P4 on 7dpo. I found out I wasn't ovulating. That day I had felt so defeated and alone. I didn't have the person I really wanted there for me.
I started on Clomid and after trying multiple doses, they couldn't get me to ovulate. I was referred to an RE, mind you still with my husband not on board with any of this. While we were at the RE my husband had an epiphany, for lack of a better word. Realizing we may never have a child made him want a child more than ever, and luckily, he's there for me now while I'm going through my fertility treatments, but honest, it's not something you want to do alone. You can, and many people do it, but it will end up tearing you up inside and really putting a damper on your relationship.
Obviously, my fertility issues have nothing to do with you, and hopefully you'll get pregnant on the first try or within the year, but what if you don't? What if you do and you have a really hard pregnancy and have to be on bed rest and your husband has to assume responsibilities of the household when it wasn't even what he wanted in the first place?
Telling this story is obviously going to make me look really bad, but I'm hoping it'll lean you toward waiting. Seeing the heartbeat for the first time or realizing you may never have a child might sway someones opinion on if they're ready, but it doesn't change the fact they didn't get to come to that decision on their own. Telling you're husband you're not going to refill your BCP isn't the way you want to start this road. He needs to come to the decision on his own or you need to be ready for the consequences that might occur should you force it. My relationship with my husband will hopefully one day get back to the place it once was, unfortunately it never should have gotten there in the first place. I'd say I'd do anything to go back in time and change everything, but at the risk of sounding horribly cliche, I'll just end with--knowing what I went through I wouldn't look at you any differently if you chose to go down this road, however, he might.
While I can certainly understand the baby craze, like others have said, you need to be on the same page with your DH. Not to sound harsh, but if you're unable to have an adult conversation without you being driven to tears, that should tell you that you both are not ready.
As hard as it is, I think the best thing to do is to be honest with him about your feelings and your frustration.....you need to make the coming off BCP decision together. The whole "we're not gonna label it as trying, we're just pulling the goalie and seeing what happens...." thing is a horrible idea if you both aren't on board with having a baby from it. If he's really not ready, would you want him to resent you for pushing him? And, furthermore, would you want your child to maybe someday hear: "Well, it was your idea to have the kid in the first place!" argument when things get rough?
I think you need to keep trying to have that conversation until you both be on the same page. GL.
MH and I took this approach. We figured "not trying" was no temping, charting, OPKs, stressing, etc. In other words, not trying too hard. Not "not trying" was no BC of any sort.
Thank you everyone for your honest advice.
I actually had to aproach my husband yesterday and tell him that I was sorry for resenting him for not being ready. And I really am sorry. It doesnt make things any easier but hes my husband and I need to honor him.
Reading my post makes me realize how much I have been acting out of emotions.
Thanks for the reality check!
you TOLD him this and he's not ready?? You should probably wait until he's on board or he is going to resent you.