Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
Options
My Boy Josue (ticker warning)
its august tomorrow and we would be planning a birthday party for our child. we never knew if he was a boy or a girl but i always thought of him as a boy, and so i named him after his father, josue. i never forgot about my boy even though its been a long time since we lost him. i read outloud of my childhood storybooks and keep a basket of things that would have belonged to him, such as family toys and special hand me downs. its a difficult time due to his would be birthday. but we are also trying to get pregnant again. i'm beyond excited and will love any child im blessed with. but what about my first? i dont want to replace him. i know i wont really, but with the joy of a new baby it may be easy to forget the sadness of my boy, and then forget my boy altogether. my family isn't big on these subjects and few know about him. the ones who do dont like to talk about it. so i would like people to know about him. that he existed and he would have been a wonderful child and loved. i would also like to say thank you to anyone who reads this post. the loss of a child was something i'd never thought of before i'd experienced it myself, and it surprised me even more how many women do. so thank you for recognizing my boy.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: My Boy Josue (ticker warning)
I'm sorry for your loss. How far along were you?
You know, what you said brought up something that I saw in a video at my local grieving parents' support group. Some parents are afraid to let go of their grief because it is one of the most real emotions that connects them with their lost child. Parents that were 10-15 years down the road from their loss thought that was an interesting point.
Now, I know that we will never forget, you will never forget either, however, I don't want to be 15 years down the road and still be mourning over my child. What I mean to say is that I want to find peace and be able to remember my little girl with happiness. Sure, that's not to say I won't be sad because I miss her. But I know that she does not want my life to be consumed with grieving her, like it's some new full-time occupation I've taken on. She wants me to smile because that is what she is doing in heaven. She's anxiously awaiting me, her daddy and any future siblings she may have. She's waiting on her grandma, who was so excited to meet her - having been looking forward to being a grandma for many years.
My point is, you will never forget your first baby. Any other babies that may come along will be fun and exciting, and you may let go of some of the sadness. But that's a good thing. Your little boy doesn't want you to be sad all the time. I hope in time you can associate your little baby with happiness instead of sadness and grief. Just think - you have added to God's heavenly arsenal of angels by giving life to him. That may not help much, but it's something my grandma said to me after my little girl's funeral and it has given me a bit of comfort.
Good luck in your TTC journey. I truly hope you are successful and know that your baby is with you. He loves you and wants you to be happy and live your life. He's waiting for you; you'll see him again.
On remembering his life - do you have a yard where you can plant a flower garden in the corner? My grandma planted a rose garden for the baby she lost many years ago to miscarriage. She didn't know whether that baby was a boy or girl, but she said that garden is for that little baby. She's got a few memorial stones and statues out there amongst the roses. I never knew that garden was for her lost baby until she told me today on the phone. If you do something like this or anything similar - you can tell people at your leisure what it's for. That may be a good way to honor your first baby's memory, and give you a catalyst for talking about him. I am going to keep talking about my baby around people for two reasons: to let them know that it's okay to talk about her, and to ensure that she is not forgotten. I want her life to be acknowledged.
Your baby's life will at least be remembered by you, his father and all the other parents that have lost babies/children and continually pray for the parents of these babies. Wishing you peace on your TTC journey. ((HUGS))