Multiples

"I don't know why people say twins are hard" comment

Interesting day last week - we were having a going away party for a co-worker, and it was on my day off.  I decided to go, as she is a very good friend of mine.  The party was on the 2nd floor of a non handicapped accessible building...so, I strapped one baby on my chest with a baby carrier, carried the other baby in my right arm, and the diaper bag and purse on my left arm.  I looked like a pack mule.

During the party, as people were holding my boys, one woman said "I don't know why people say twins are hard.  I mean, it's a little more work than one, but not much".  She has 1 son - a singleton.

I didn't quite know what to say about that.  All I said was "well, I've never had just one, so I have nothing to compare."  Maybe I should call her one night at 3 am when they're tag teaming staying up with teething, or at any feeding when one gets angry because the spoon is in their brother's mouth and not theirs (I do feed them at the same time, but for some reason, that 4 seconds it takes me to get back to them with the spoon is an eternity).

What do you think, ladies?  How is it having twins compared to singleton?  I can only imagine how great it would be NOT to look like Peter the Pack Mule anytime we go somewhere that I can't bring a stroller. 

Clomid x 2 cycles ..... BFN. 6/08 Gonal F with TI- BFN. 7/08 Gonal F #2 - IUI 7/11, BFN. 9/22/08 IUI #2 and Accupuncture - Chemical Pregnancy. 11/08 IUI #3 with accupuncture - BFN. 12/08 IUI #4 BFN. 5/09 IVF #1 ER 7/6/09, ET 7/9/09 - BFN. FET 12/18/09 - BFN IVF #2 -ER 3/6, ET 3/9, OMG - BFP!!! Beta #1 3/22 -332, Beta #2 3/24 - 701, Beta #3 - 14,889 - 1st u/s - TWINS!! SAIF ALWAYS WELCOME!!! ***Why can't 88 million sperm and 3 eggs find each other in an organ the size of a pear??*** Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker In the confrontation between the stream and the rock, the stream always wins--not through strength but by perseverance. - H. Jackson Brown

Re: "I don't know why people say twins are hard" comment

  • There are things that are harder, but so much of it is easier.  Sure it's 2x the diapers, 2x the feedings, but they also always have a playmate (so they don't need me to constantly entertain them), and it's not much harder to change 2 diapers than 1.  Granted DS1 was/is needy and the twins are easy babies, but logistically they're easier, emotionally there's no comparison as to how much harder.
  • You should have asked her to help carry them back downstairs and get them in the car, after she helped do a diaper change in a bathroom that doesn't have a changing station.

    I have completely enjoyed being a twin mom and can honestly say I wouldn't want it any other way...that doesn't mean it's not hard.

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  • Parts of twins make it easier, but the hard parts are so much harder.  Like when one decides to scream his face off and hang on your leg while you're trying to change the other's diaper who is now screaming his face off in support and trying to leap off the table.  Weeee twins!

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  • imagePolofsky:

    You should have asked her to help carry them back downstairs and get them in the car, after she helped do a diaper change in a bathroom that doesn't have a changing station.

    This. My twins are my only, too, so I don't have anything to compare to. But I'm all about the know whereof you speak. As with anything else, I'm sure parts of it are harder and parts of it are easier. I would invite her to babysit for a day and then ask her what she thinks.

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  • Since my babies aren't here yet... I'm going to go out on a limb and just *assume* that twins are hard, ONE baby is hard... why would two NOT be "hard" Huh?

    It's not like it's "just one more kid" at a birthday party... it's all day, every day, attention, money, love, time, sleep, bottles, diapers, ect.

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  • MrsLntMrsLnt member

    Would she like to come to my house where there's no "oh, hubby is taking baby duty tonight" because, more often than not, there is double screaming or double awake babies or double of anything that needs the attention of 2 adult?

    Or maybe she'd like to join me at naptime when I'm trying to settle two babies to sleep and there's one in the nursery, refusing to go down, and the other is in the holding tank PnP in the living room, starting to melt down.  Or the times that one is in the nursery screaming and the only way I can settle the calmer one for a nap is to go in the guest room and put them down in the PnP.  Makes me feel awesome to be cuddling one baby while the other is crying herself to sleep.

    She is a clueless beyotch. 

     

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  • As babies, definitely harder. I've been spending time with lots of baby triplets, and I am reminded every time just how hard it was. Oh man...

    But now that they're older? I think, in some ways, it's easier. I don't have to entertain them, they're always entertaining each other. That part is pretty awesome.

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  • well- i have been a singleton mom and a twin mom (well, 1+twins!) and I can say twins are MUCH harder in almost every way.  The few ways they are easier don't compare to how much harder they are.

    I don't think my kids have been "hard" --- they are pretty good kids, good sleepers, etc. We were fortunate not to have lots of health issues (some bad reflux for a while, some heart issues to be monitored, but nothing major)... and I can still say, that while I don't conside them to be HARD - I do think they are  LOT harder than having one child!  any mom who thinks differently is insane.... especially a singleton mom who has no other kids- DUMBASS to comment like that!

    I used to be Goldie_locks_5 but the new nest is so screwed up that I was forced to start over.
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  • imagePolofsky:

    You should have asked her to help carry them back downstairs and get them in the car, after she helped do a diaper change in a bathroom that doesn't have a changing station.

    I have completely enjoyed being a twin mom and can honestly say I wouldn't want it any other way...that doesn't mean it's not hard.

    This exactly!  I really love having twins, and it's worth any extra work it may be... but there IS extra work!!

    Clomid x 2 cycles ..... BFN. 6/08 Gonal F with TI- BFN. 7/08 Gonal F #2 - IUI 7/11, BFN. 9/22/08 IUI #2 and Accupuncture - Chemical Pregnancy. 11/08 IUI #3 with accupuncture - BFN. 12/08 IUI #4 BFN. 5/09 IVF #1 ER 7/6/09, ET 7/9/09 - BFN. FET 12/18/09 - BFN IVF #2 -ER 3/6, ET 3/9, OMG - BFP!!! Beta #1 3/22 -332, Beta #2 3/24 - 701, Beta #3 - 14,889 - 1st u/s - TWINS!! SAIF ALWAYS WELCOME!!! ***Why can't 88 million sperm and 3 eggs find each other in an organ the size of a pear??*** Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker In the confrontation between the stream and the rock, the stream always wins--not through strength but by perseverance. - H. Jackson Brown
  • My boys are 2.5 and they are great, but so far they do NOT entertain each other--maybe 5 minutes a day, if I'm lucky. The rest of the time it's certainly twice the work, sometimes more since you have to deal with the fit one is throwing while you tend to his brother's needs, which would be a non-issue if there were one. ;) Plus frequent refereeing. The times I just have one kid while Dad takes the other somewhere else are infinitely easier.

    I do think though that there are a lot of variables (how high-needs/easy the kids are, how much energy the parents have, etc.) so it's hard to compare, but there is no question that overall at first multiples are harder. I think the age at which they get easier is going to vary depending on the kids and how they get along with each other. I know of some multiples who entertain each other a lot when they're only 1 but like I said, my boys are 2.5 and it's not happening yet so for me, so far, there really haven't been any ways in which having twins is easier than having a singleton. Maybe more fun, but not easier. ;)

    fraternal twin boys born january 2009
  • And LOL, Goldie, I love your response. :)
    fraternal twin boys born january 2009
  • Crying

    The responses to this post are making me scared.  Don't get me wrong, I know twins will be hard but to see so many posts confirming it, well, it's more than I can take right now... at 36w2d... my babies will be here any day now...

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  • I hear you, Mrs. Lee!
    And MrsGreg, don't be scared! Sure it's hard, but it's doable. We've all survived and lived to tell about it and even laugh about it. ;) And it's not that it's impossibly hard--simply that it's harder than having a singleton and it's annoying when singleton moms try to deny that. ;)
    fraternal twin boys born january 2009
  • imageMrsLee04:
    imagePolofsky:

    I have completely enjoyed being a twin mom and can honestly say I wouldn't want it any other way...that doesn't mean it's not hard.

    This.  I wouldn't trade my kids or the fact that they are twins, but it really bothers me when people think it's just all "cute and fun."  It's hard!  Even now.....many things are much easier....but I've seen a bunch of replies here where they say it's easier because they have a playmate.......well, they also have a partner in crime!  It's true about having a playmate.........but mine also team up to cause trouble or they fight with each other a lot.  When I take 1 kid somewhere it's like a whole different experience......what I imagine the singleton experience is like.  That kid is usually super sweet and calm during the car ride, whereas when they are together in the car it's loud and I spend a lot of time refereeing.  They just instigate each other and it's tough. 

    Luckily my boys don't get into much trouble together.  I know that will all change with time since I have 3 boys.  Other than trying to soothe 2 crying babies, or giving 1 attention while the other cries, DS1 has been harder since birth since the twins.  It all just depends on the temperament of the child.  DS1 is very sensitive emotionally and physically, one of our twins is very laid back and lets everything just roll off his back, and the other twin is a mix of the 2 (closer to DS1 but not as extreme).  I would never try to say what's easier or harder in another persons family, because every person and family is so different, even a parents strengths are different. 

  • As I sit here eating an English muffin for dinner at 10:30, because it took that long to get all three of my kids to bed, I want to punch that woman! I bet she had a nice dinner, even if she and her husband had to take turns eating and holding their one baby.
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  • Honestly, when they were babies, I really didn't think it was THAT hard. But, I had really, really good babies. I always felt like I was just doing everything twice. :) 

    BUT, as soon as they turned one, then it got hard. Now that they are 19 months, it's a huge struggle. The fighting, running in opposite directions, tantrums x2, throwing food, etc....it's enough to make a person question their sanity. :)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       

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  • I hear ya... I hear alot of people say.. twins are so cute I'd love to have twins.  I'm thankful for my 2 and wouldn't change anything.. but I don't think people remotely realize how hard it can be at times.  Try changing 24 diapers a day in the beginning. Try feeding 2 every 3 hours around the clock.  Then when they get older try running around after 2 of them running in different directions at the playground or by the stairs.  Or making different things for them to eat when neither wants the same thing. Getting out the door and getting them into their carseats is work in itself.  It's fun.. but definitely not easy. 
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  • The week I found out I lost a twin in my second twin pregnancy a good friend made the ' I don't know why twin mommies think they have it so much harder." Comment. This set of a chain reaction where we are no longer friends. She experienced the loss of a child, had a toddler 4 months older then mine, and babysat another friends ( who she was not happy with)  ID twin girls. So the comment came from several directions. My girls do not entertain each other, one has SPD and severe food allergies, and is flat out mean to her sister. The other is sweet as pie but won't fight her own battles most of the time. We only have daddy home 3 1/2 days a week and 2 overnights a week due to work so things have always been crazy around here. People don't know what they are talking about!!!!

     

  • imagedaisybride78:

    Honestly, when they were babies, I really didn't think it was THAT hard. But, I had really, really good babies. I always felt like I was just doing everything twice. :) 

    BUT, as soon as they turned one, then it got hard. Now that they are 19 months, it's a huge struggle. The fighting, running in opposite directions, tantrums x2, throwing food, etc....it's enough to make a person question their sanity. :)

                                                                                                                 

     

    Wow your boys and my girls are almost the same age and our baby number 3 is due at almost the same time, you feel my pain girl !!!!!!                                                                                                                                                                                                                    

  • i think its a weird comment for someone without twins to make - what the hell does she know?

    i have no idea what is harder...i think it depends on the kids. most likely, 2 easy babies are easier than one really hard baby.  but i never had one really hard baby so i would never say that to someone.

    i think the comment was ignorant and rude, regardless of its accuracy.

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  • All the comments ppl post on here that they get (hands full, double trouble blah blah blah) don't bother me at all but the only one that irks me a little is when ppl have 2 kids about a year or so apart and say 'it's just like having twins'. Um, no. No it's not (at least for the first year, then maybe more similiar).  But, I don't have those easygoing laid babies either, they still don't both STTN more than maybe 3-4 nights a week and they appear to be the worst behaved kids in our swim class currently...sigh.

    That being said, now that my kids are 2, I do see some easier things- they play together & I don't have to always be interacting, they are a little better at sharing than some other kids (emphasis on A LITTLE) , etc.... I think all those things will get better as they get older. But seriously the simultaneous tantrums I was dealing w/ this morning over putting on sunscreen & a bathing suit did not feel easier to me... 

    And ditto MrsLee's comment re the partners in crime- OMg the monkey see monkey do stuff at my house makes me insane b/c once it starts it is impossible to end unless you want to relocate to a totally different place in the house (climbing over the back of couch, jumping on coffee table, throwing various toys all over, throwing food & sippies, etc....) and mine haven't even really gotten into a lot of troublesome kind of stuff yet...eeekkk... 

  • imagemissfire:
    As I sit here eating an English muffin for dinner at 10:30, because it took that long to get all three of my kids to bed, I want to punch that woman! I bet she had a nice dinner, even if she and her husband had to take turns eating and holding their one baby.

     

    Haha!  I thought I was the only one!  I can't remember the last time i had a breakfast where I wasn't standing and shoving a bagel down my throat while doling out cheerios and warming up babyfood while trying to sing and entertain 2 hungry infants in their high chairs.  

    Clomid x 2 cycles ..... BFN. 6/08 Gonal F with TI- BFN. 7/08 Gonal F #2 - IUI 7/11, BFN. 9/22/08 IUI #2 and Accupuncture - Chemical Pregnancy. 11/08 IUI #3 with accupuncture - BFN. 12/08 IUI #4 BFN. 5/09 IVF #1 ER 7/6/09, ET 7/9/09 - BFN. FET 12/18/09 - BFN IVF #2 -ER 3/6, ET 3/9, OMG - BFP!!! Beta #1 3/22 -332, Beta #2 3/24 - 701, Beta #3 - 14,889 - 1st u/s - TWINS!! SAIF ALWAYS WELCOME!!! ***Why can't 88 million sperm and 3 eggs find each other in an organ the size of a pear??*** Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker In the confrontation between the stream and the rock, the stream always wins--not through strength but by perseverance. - H. Jackson Brown
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