How many kids if your first has ASD?

Bride2bMO

Just curious. DH has always wanted a big family (3+ kids) and I'm kind of "one kid at a time and we'll see."

I SAH, and there are moments that between the boys and the dogs (both of whom have their own dog SN, go figure), I feel like I couldn't possibly throw another baby into the mix. Or pregnancy. I'm increasingly intrigued by the thought of adoption because I'm still recovering from delivering a 10+lb baby a year ago, and I because worry about another ASD dx. DH is pretty firmly not interested in adoption. So that's that and I don't like pregnancy a bit.

On the other hand, getting a sibling has been really beneficial for DS. It's stressful because he accidentally (or not) hurts him constantly, but there has also been tremendous social/emotional growth as a result of having a little brother. I'm just curious if ASD (or any SNs) affected your original plans re: family size.

W&J'sMommy

My first is ASD.  As you said, having a younger sister (who is really at about the same level as him socially/emotionally) has been so positive for DS.  It was a tough decision to have #3, I was (and still am a bit) worried about impairments.  #3 actually has some mild gross motor delays that she is receiving PT for right now (which DS never had) but she seems pretty typical otherwise.  We would like to have 4, but if #3 winds up with any lasting issues (very unlikely) then we will be done. 

So to answer your question, so far no, but a 2nd SN kid would be our last.

hopanka

For us, SN has been the deal breaker and we'll have just this one. I originally wanted 2 children and my husband wanted more than 2.

Swtcntrygrl82

DS is ASD, almost 12 years old. DH & I are now expecting our second child, would have liked for it to be a few years ago but fought IF for last 4 years. Not sure if this is the right decision yet, but we will see. DS has come far in last year or two, but its normally 2 steps forward, 1 step back. I would say, if you have your hands full now, not to have any more. With Adoption, can come a whole other set of issues, so be cautious.

browneyes_326

Thank you for posting this question!

We've been struggling w/ the decision the have #2. You and the other poster commenting how much little brother / sister has helped and been beneficial for your DS #1 is SOOOO encouraging.

Really, thank you so much, With your question you helped me w/ mine. My DH is really scared ... scared may not be the right word, it breaks his heart when DS struggles I think he's not sure he can go through it again ... This gives us a different perspective  

Justinlove

For us, having a SN child first had us rethink our timeline for children.  Originally, we had planned to try for #2 when LA was around 1.  Because we were so busy with her needs, we decided to put it off until..well..we are trying now   She is now 2.5yo.

Obviously, we always run the risk of another genetic anomaly, but having been "cleared" through genetic testing (of DH and I) does give us tremendous peace of mind. 

nomadica

We are struggling with the decision to have another now that our first has an ASD diagnosis. The thought of having two SN children scares us to death, but we have always wanted 2 children and hate the thought of DS not having a sibling. We probably will have another, and start TTC when DS turns 2 so hopefully they'll be about 3 years apart. But I am definitely afraid of having two kids on the spectrum.

lite-bright

We had our second before knowing that DD1 was on the spectrum. We would have had two regardless -- and as DD2 gets older, I see more and more how great their relationship is and gives DD1 constant opportunities to interact, learn social rules, play, give and receive affection from someone other than us ... it's really sweet to see the two of them together. DD2 adores her big sister, and DD1 looks out for her -- maybe not quite like a typical big sister would, but that relationship is still important to both of them and is growing. 

But the transition to two was, and still is, hard on me. Physically, my second pregnancy and birth were way harder than my first and I'm not looking forward to doing that again. I'm still sleep-deprived between DD1's nightmares and DD2 not STTN consistently, and it makes parenting two kids, and dealing with DD1's needs, even harder. 

 DH and I are still undecided on whether we'll have a third. The thought of having another child on the spectrum terrifies me and may well be the deciding factor. DD1's needs have meant a huge financial and emotional shift, and we're still figuring out just what that means for our family's future.