Explaining DH's absence to DS?

noah-bear

In 3 weeks, DH is leaving for BOLC and will be gone for 9 weeks. We're hoping that DS and I can go down in September (last week) to visit, but otherwise, we'll just be Skyping and talking on the phone. 

I'm getting a Daddy Doll for him along with a picture dog tag for me to wear and a bear with photo t-shirt for when we're out of the house.

As it is right now, he hates when DH is at work (12hr shifts) and asks about him all the time. I'm not sure how to handle 9 weeks of it! Lol 

Smudges*Mom

You could make a paper chain with links for each day DH is gone and tear a link off each day. You could also put an X on each day of the calendar. Toddlers don't have a concept of time, so those help. I would get video recordings of DH reading LO's favorite books. I would also get pictures--of LO and daddy, of all three of you, of you and DH. Put some up for display, put some in a book. These will be visual reminders that daddy is still part of the family. Can DH receive mail? I would have LO make pictures, dictate letters. . . All sorts of things for him to send to daddy. I would also get cards for DH to send home periodically for LO. (He might not have time to do this himself, so better to prepare in advance, if possible).

On MN, women are often encouraged to plan fun things. Maybe you and LO can plan a few special things or start new traditions while daddy is away. These are things that you can continue to do and use during DH's military career. For instance, Saturday become Post Office and Pizza day. You go mail DH a box or big envelope of things and then go somewhere for pizza.

Keep in mind these are all ideas. I have not used them myself (except for the fun things--my LO and I traveled a ton while DH was deployed), but they are things that I will use in the future, now that my LO is a bit older.

And, welcome to the DC area. We live in Old Town Alexandria. If you ever want to meet-up, let me know!



I just rereading your title. My ideas are ways to help with the absence, not explain. I don't know how much your 2.5 year old "gets". Time is a tough concept for them, especially time beyond a day or two. I would try to use neutral terms, but be careful, too. Some moms have come on the share that they told their LOs that daddy had to go away for "work" when they deployed. Once daddy came home, the kids were afraid when daddy went to work for the day because they were concerned he'd be gone for an extended period of time. "School" is another term that you could use, but then, in the future, might he think that when he goes to school that it will be far away. . . So, I don't know exactly what to suggest, maybe "training". It's tough. . .

JENandJEH

Smudges*Mom:

Some moms have come on the share that they told their LOs that daddy had to go away for "work" when they deployed. Once daddy came home, the kids were afraid when daddy went to work for the day because they were concerned he'd be gone for an extended period of time. "School" is another term that you could use, but then, in the future, might he think that when he goes to school that it will be far away. . . So, I don't know exactly what to suggest, maybe "training". It's tough. . .

 

DH deployed last time right after DS turned 2.  We were very careful not to say he was at work but were just very honest with him.  We said that daddy had to go on a long trip to Afghanistan but that he would come back to see us soon.  If he asked what DH was doing, I explained that he was helping people and making sure that people had water and food and trying to keep the bad guys away.  For your situation, I would probably just say that daddy has to take a trip and practice how to be a soldier.  If he asks how he practices, you could tell him that he takes classes, goes on field trips, etc.  Reiterate that daddy will be home soon to play with DS and just make sure to keep them in contact as much as possible.  We did the build a bear with the voicebox in it and DS slept with Daddy Bear every night.  We Skyped when we could but that was reliable.  I kept pictures of DH in our son's room and we talked about daddy all the time. 

 

Remember, kids are a lot more resilient than we give them credit for.  Good luck!

iluvmytxrgr

At this point, my 3 and 4 year olds know the difference between Daddy going to work, school and deployment.  I tell them "Daddy is leaving to go to a school for a bit.  He'll be able to talk to us most nights on the phone or the computer."  While he is gone, he'll send them post cards or little notes in the mail.  They love being able to see what Daddy is doing and knowing that he is thinking about them while he's gone.

We do a lot of things to keep the kids busy.  We have a "Daddy wall" in our house.  It is a large, open wall in our dining room.  We post drawings, report cards for my 10 and 12 yr olds, and anything else that they want him to see when he gets back.  We also like to make the paper chain.  However, we add to our chain instead of taking away.  Every time we add a link, we write a memory from that day.  DH likes to read what we were doing or thinking of while he was gone.  I don't like the take away chains because dates and return times change all the time.  It sucks to have to add to a chain you've been taking away from.  Kids don't understand why to have to add more and it becomes more depressing.

Also, kids feel what you feel.  If you are having a pitty party one day, they feel that.  Staying positive and keeping yourselves busy will have a positive effect on your LO.