We went to a wedding this weekend in Minnesota (Lived there for awhile, but moved to NYC. Can't change my profile!) The day after, we hung out with some old friends. They have a 1 yo daughter who is as sweet as she can be. My friend, I'll call her S, had a m/c before she got preg, and is totally understanding about my IF. So it's usually really easy to see S and the baby.
But not this time.
While we were hanging out, playing with the kid and talking, I suddenly realized, S and I hadn't spoken in months. And I had stopped returning her calls. I didn't call her on the baby's bday or even send a card. I had this very clear realization that I've been avoiding contact with her. Even though she's super supportive, and we're close friends.
And the reason was toddling around in the back yard, drooling and being cute.
As we were leaving, S and I both hugged and started crying. I tried to say good-bye to the baby, but started uncontrollably shaking, and had to bolt out to the car, put on my big, honking sunglasses and try to suck it up, so DH wouldn't think I was insane.
I wanted to flat out bawl and kick and scream. If I hadn't had my m/c I'd have a 7 month old who could scoot around the yard with S's kid. They could have been friends. My life would be sippy cups and board books and sleepless nights.
Seeing them made me feel like the worst friend ever. I'm so happy for them, but it makes me hurt to talk to S.
What do I do? I'm sure she's hurt that I don't call. She said she misses me a lot. But I don't want to be a sad sack who only calls and vents about my IF problems.
We talked about meeting somewhere for a girl's weekend. Maybe it would help to see her without the baby. I don't know.
Do you guys avoid friends w/ babies? Should I email or call her and try to explain?