"how did you know she was adopted?"

MayDayGirl

Bear with me, this post is going to be rambly lol.

If you see DD in my siggy pics, you can clearly tell she is adopted, yes? And yet when someone I don't know mentions her being adopted I literally sit there thinking "how did they know?!?!" I always stumble over my words a bit bc I have such a hard time getting it through my head that she doesn't look like us and it's obvious to others that she is adopted.

I get it, I do, she isn't the same skin color, but because when I look at my daughter, I see just that, my daughter, I have the hardest time seeing her for anything other than that, mine. And bc she is mine, she looks like "us" to me. No I don't think she looks white, but she looks like she belongs with us, like she is meant for us, like she is like us. (because she is!!)

So even though she is almost 4 months old, I still have such a hard time (not as in it bothers me, but as in I can't see it) with how people can look at her and see her as *different* than us.  Even though I can see it in pics, I have a hard time seeing it (and don't think I need to see it) in person.

Does anyone else feel like this?

My sister thinks I'm nuts lol.

CaptainSerious

Maybe because M came to us at an older age, but I think I feel exactly the opposite from you; I am shocked when people looking at us don't know he's adopted right off the bat (this usually happens when my husband's not around).  I also get the biggest kick out of the curious stares we get when we're out and about.  The only time it bothers me is when I get the feeling the person thinks we shouldn't have adopted a Hispanic child.

It's awesome that you are so in love with her that you literally don't see your differences.  I love that.

As an aside, and I've recently been thinking a lot about this myself, but as she ages, please prepare her for the discrimination she may feel/face.  I'm not sure how to do this, but I feel it would be so unfair of us to release M into a world in which people might view him as a danger or "less than" because of his skin color without helping him find ways to cope with and address that reality.

Alicia_22

I do know what you mean!  We have had several people assume we adopted our daughter from China and while she is part Asian, It always takes me by surprise when they say it and I always stumble over my words! I also tend to forget that she doesn't look like us until someone mentions it. I'm sure we don't get as many comments as you do though.

MayDayGirl

jennyk213:

That reminds me of one of my friends who is originally from Thailand.  She always tells me that DH and I look alike.  We don't look alike and her English isn't great so went along with it for the longest time without know what she was talking about.  I asked one day and she explained that we look alike because of what's inside - our hearts and souls are alike.  For her, it had nothing to do with what's on the outside and it totally makes sense.  You probably don't notice that your daughter looks different because it's what's inside that counts - you love her and she loves you and you are a family deep down inside where nothing else matters.

This is beautiful. I am totally keeping this.

DJB2010

I totally get what you mean!! And honestly, in your siggy pic she looks like she totally belongs to you.  And another random point....if you were out with just her, why would someone say that to you? Ummm hello? They dont know what ethnicity your husband is! And shame on them to assume!

She is beautiful and your heart knows that she is yours.  She will feel the same way!

Go_Dawgs

Your post made me LOL, but I completely understand.  DS looks nothing like us.  He's 1/2 AA 1/2 CC with curly black hair.  DH and I are very fair skinned.  While I'm sure people realize he's adopted, we've never had anyone say that to us.  However, I totally get what you mean by not noticing the differences.  When I look at Logan, he's just a part of us and has a familiar beautiful face that I love, and is as much a part of me as my own hand is to my body.  It's funny because sometimes I'll occasionally notice the difference in our skin color when he's sitting on my lap and I see his olive skin right on my pasty white leg, and I'll be a little startled at how different we are in color.  I completely forget that we are so physically different, and only notice it when I happen to look at our skin right next to each other.

wille2b

it happens to us all the time.. and ya i always forget he doesnt look like me! but everyone has to make sure to point out the obvious difference.. it does get easier to let it roll off. its taken the whole year but it doesnt bother me because i know he will grow up only knowing he is mine and i am his!

wille2b

Alicia_22:

I do know what you mean!  We have had several people assume we adopted our daughter from China and while she is part Asian, It always takes me by surprise when they say it and I always stumble over my words! I also tend to forget that she doesn't look like us until someone mentions it. I'm sure we don't get as many comments as you do though.

this is so funny to me.. people are ALWAYS asking if ds is from africa! like its a shock that AA people come from america!! makes me LMAO!

Sexy back

Well, I can't offer any insight, but I just wanted to say that your family is the cutest darn family ever.  So freakin' beautiful!! 

babygirl809

My brother was adopted at a few weeks old. I am younger than he is. Anyway, we look very different. Very. Whenever people would say something about him being adopted, it always took me a second to figure out what they were talking about.

Amy720

I totally understand. Ben is Biracial and we are both CC. No one has ever commented about it to us but we do get the looks. I always wonder what people are thinking especially when I am by myself. I know that Ben is the child God chose for us and he is a perfect fit for our family. I catch myself all the time saying things like that is just what I did when I was little or telling the doctor he is allergic to a certain medicine because I am. I just totally forget. He is mine as much as if we were related biologically. I forget sometimes that we are not but I never forget just how perfect he is and how our lives would be so dull without him. I love him so much.

MissDaisy79

This reminded of a funny story, but the opposite experience...a good friend of mine in High School had a younger sister adopted from S Korea. My friend's family is CC.  She used to tell the story about how people would ask her if her younger sister knew that she was adopted and she would tell people, no my parents are waiting for the right time to tell her

RedCardinal

Backstory::My parents are foster parents and they adopted my little brother Jalin and have had him since he was 3 months. Well last year they went on their first cruise with him (he was 3 at the time) and my dad said this happened more than once:: A stranger grabbed Jalin by the hand and said "C'mon I'll help you find your mommy and daddy." My dad was walking behind them and said..."Ummm he belongs to me!" My dad couldn't believe it ! Even though Jalin is African American and my parents are white, my dad still had a hard time believing this happened and got a little chuckle out of it. I know how you feel. My little brother just turned 4, and my other biological siblings (younger than me) are 23 and 19. My parents are starting all over with this amazing little boy, and we LOVE him to pieces.

jehnm

One of my friends has the exact opposite.  Her son is hispanic and she and DH are both CC.  People keep commenting to her how her son looks so much like both of them on a regular basis.  It cracks her up!  She and I have both had the conversation about how we "forget" that we didn't give birth to these babies.  When a child is meant to be yours it is just amazing!

 

HannaB

It's funny because sometimes I'll occasionally notice the difference in our skin color when he's sitting on my lap and I see his olive skin right on my pasty white leg, and I'll be a little startled at how different we are in color.  I completely forget that we are so physically different, and only notice it when I happen to look at our skin right next to each other.

This, exactly.

MarcyLT

I don't think you're nuts! You're a mother. And you see yourself in your child. It's as simple as that.

I'm adopted and my brother and I look nothing alike, objectively. I'm short and have olive skin and dark hair. He's tall and blonde haired blue eyed. But people who know us say all the time how much we "look alike." What we've realized over the years is that of course we don't actually look alike. We have the same mannerisms, the same facial expressions, the same reactions to things...and many of them are the same as our parents. 

Looking like someone might not be clear to the world, but it's clear to you. And "being like" will become more prevalent to outsiders as she gets older.