Bear with me, this post is going to be rambly lol.
If you see DD in my siggy pics, you can clearly tell she is adopted, yes? And yet when someone I don't know mentions her being adopted I literally sit there thinking "how did they know?!?!" I always stumble over my words a bit bc I have such a hard time getting it through my head that she doesn't look like us and it's obvious to others that she is adopted.
I get it, I do, she isn't the same skin color, but because when I look at my daughter, I see just that, my daughter, I have the hardest time seeing her for anything other than that, mine. And bc she is mine, she looks like "us" to me. No I don't think she looks white, but she looks like she belongs with us, like she is meant for us, like she is like us. (because she is!!)
So even though she is almost 4 months old, I still have such a hard time (not as in it bothers me, but as in I can't see it) with how people can look at her and see her as *different* than us. Even though I can see it in pics, I have a hard time seeing it (and don't think I need to see it) in person.
Does anyone else feel like this?
My sister thinks I'm nuts lol.
Re: "how did you know she was adopted?"
Maybe because M came to us at an older age, but I think I feel exactly the opposite from you; I am shocked when people looking at us don't know he's adopted right off the bat (this usually happens when my husband's not around). I also get the biggest kick out of the curious stares we get when we're out and about. The only time it bothers me is when I get the feeling the person thinks we shouldn't have adopted a Hispanic child.
It's awesome that you are so in love with her that you literally don't see your differences. I love that.
As an aside, and I've recently been thinking a lot about this myself, but as she ages, please prepare her for the discrimination she may feel/face. I'm not sure how to do this, but I feel it would be so unfair of us to release M into a world in which people might view him as a danger or "less than" because of his skin color without helping him find ways to cope with and address that reality.
This is beautiful. I am totally keeping this.
I totally get what you mean!! And honestly, in your siggy pic she looks like she totally belongs to you. And another random point....if you were out with just her, why would someone say that to you? Ummm hello? They dont know what ethnicity your husband is! And shame on them to assume!
She is beautiful and your heart knows that she is yours. She will feel the same way!
TTC since 2005
missed miscarriage nov 2006- 4 failed clomid cycles-
3 failed femara iui cycles-
moving on to IVF oct 2011
ER nov. 7th
tansfered 2 blasts on 11/10
lots of +hpt!!
beta #1 on 11/21= 50.4
beta #2 on11/23= 90.8
another miscarriage 12/23
moving on to Round 2 of IVF with an auto immune dx
ER 4/23-retrieved 12 eggs
ET 4/28 3 transfered
Beta #1- 356
Beta #2- 870
this is so funny to me.. people are ALWAYS asking if ds is from africa! like its a shock that AA people come from america!! makes me LMAO!
TTC since 2005
missed miscarriage nov 2006- 4 failed clomid cycles-
3 failed femara iui cycles-
moving on to IVF oct 2011
ER nov. 7th
tansfered 2 blasts on 11/10
lots of +hpt!!
beta #1 on 11/21= 50.4
beta #2 on11/23= 90.8
another miscarriage 12/23
moving on to Round 2 of IVF with an auto immune dx
ER 4/23-retrieved 12 eggs
ET 4/28 3 transfered
Beta #1- 356
Beta #2- 870
9/10: Moving on to IVF
7/11: Dx: DOR
8/11: Adoption is our path!
This reminded of a funny story, but the opposite experience...a good friend of mine in High School had a younger sister adopted from S Korea. My friend's family is CC. She used to tell the story about how people would ask her if her younger sister knew that she was adopted and she would tell people, no my parents are waiting for the right time to tell her
One of my friends has the exact opposite. Her son is hispanic and she and DH are both CC. People keep commenting to her how her son looks so much like both of them on a regular basis. It cracks her up! She and I have both had the conversation about how we "forget" that we didn't give birth to these babies. When a child is meant to be yours it is just amazing!
This, exactly.
I don't think you're nuts! You're a mother. And you see yourself in your child. It's as simple as that.
I'm adopted and my brother and I look nothing alike, objectively. I'm short and have olive skin and dark hair. He's tall and blonde haired blue eyed. But people who know us say all the time how much we "look alike." What we've realized over the years is that of course we don't actually look alike. We have the same mannerisms, the same facial expressions, the same reactions to things...and many of them are the same as our parents.
Looking like someone might not be clear to the world, but it's clear to you. And "being like" will become more prevalent to outsiders as she gets older.