Where to start...
I'm in my first same sex relationship at 38. J is 30. I have an 11 year old son who is having an EXTREMELY hard time with the fact that I am in a same sex relationship. His bio-father has never had anything to do with him and he has always wanted a father. J and I have been together for 11 months and it is NOT getting any better. He has been in therapy and also has a psychiatrist for ADHD. The psychiatrist has since put him on anti-depressants.
My son seems very conflicted. He waits for J to get home (she works evenings) and then runs up to her and gives her hugs, wants her to tuck him in, read him stories, etc. But if you flat out ask him he'll say he hates her and doesn't want us together. He's even told her he wished she was dead. She is an extremely kind person who has always wanted kids. She's never had kids so her experience is limited, but we are working through those challenges.
I was just wondering if there are any other people who have kids prior to a same sex relationship who might be able to give me some advice on how to handle this - or anybody else that has any ideas. I was hoping by now - a year later - we'd be further along the road. But he seeks out people who will agree with him (my mother, kids at school, etc) and then tells me I'm wrong and everybody feels sorry for him. Although this is my first relationship, he's never been taught that being gay is wrong, so I'm not even sure how he's wrap his brain around that. Actually his intolerance (not just about this issue) is quite shocking to me as his mother. I have always been very tolerant in general.