Sister thinking of giving baby up for adoption...need info

racheldaigle46

Hi everyone, I am lurking from another board, but I am in need of finding some information.

My sister is10 weeks pregnant, unmarried (and the father is a complete jerk, wants nothing to do with the child), and is considering giving the baby up for adoption (if all goes well in the pregnancy).

We have a very loving and supportive family, and our family will do anything it takes to make sure my sister, and her baby is taken care of, not only financially, but also mentally. If she chooses to take this route, My husband and I (as well as my aunt and uncle) have offered to adopt through a kinship adoption.

My sister does not want this. She thinks it will be "weird" for the child, and confusing as the child gets older.

Whatever she decides to do, I will support her of her decision,despite whether or not I agree.

However, I want to make sure her decision, is an informed one. Does anyone have information, or links to websites, that have statistics about how many infants are adopted vs. number of un-adopted orphans, the possibilitly of her finiding a match with  parents waiting to adopt,etc., etc.,  and any other information that would be helpful in her making a decision.

Thank you in advance!

inlovewithB

Hey! Thanks for being so supportive of your sister as she is dealing with such a difficult decision.

I don't really have general resources, but the agency I am working with works in GA and FL and they have some info for women considering adoption on this website: https://the-adoption-authority.com/unplanned-pregnancy/

FWIW: my roommate in college decided not to parent and when she first told her family her mother offered to adopt. She too felt like your sister and ultimately decided to place her son in a closed adoption with a family she choose (that was not related to her in any way). Best of Luck to all of you! 

 

 

Patches08

I'm so glad she has such a supportive family. I'm a birth mom, feel free to PM me if you want. My best advice to her at this stage and throughout her pregnancy is to seek counseling. Just my opinion, I wouldn't be able to have a kinship adoption for my DD. It would be incredibly hard for me to have a sibling adopt my child, especially if you have a close relationship/family like mine. I do have an open adoption with my daughter and her adoptive family though. Good luck to her!!

racheldaigle46

inlovewithB:

Hey! Thanks for being so supportive of your sister as she is dealing with such a difficult decision.

I don't really have general resources, but the agency I am working with works in GA and FL and they have some info for women considering adoption on this website: https://the-adoption-authority.com/unplanned-pregnancy/

FWIW: my roommate in college decided not to parent and when she first told her family her mother offered to adopt. She too felt like your sister and ultimately decided to place her son in a closed adoption with a family she choose (that was not related to her in any way). Best of Luck to all of you! 

 

 

 

Thank you! I will check out the link!

inlovewithB

Your welcome! The agency is really small and the Social Workers are so kind. They really have a passion for helping people find the resources they need.

silliestbunny

How sweet of you to help your sister out... I agree w/PPs that your sis needs some counseling.  There are a couple of regular posters in Georgia and they may have some referrals for you.

Also, the more accepted language for adoption is "placing" or "making an adoption plan" versus "giving a child up".  In the adoption world, these words can be hot buttons and make adoptees feel rejected/unwanted. 

Hope we can help a bit

GLynn2009

We adopted in the family. DD2 is my DH's step-mothers sister's grandchild. They love knowing everything about DD2. We have a very open adoption. We live in a different Country from BM so that helps it to not be strange.

We went to DD2's Birth Aunts weeding and DD2 was the flower girl. All of her birth family except for BM was there and it was great. DD2 says she has bunches of family. Her aunt is her cousin now and her counsins are her uncles. So everyone is Aunts and Uncles now. I think DD2 will feel like she is loved buy all.

hillaree

racheldaigle46:

However, I want to make sure her decision, is an informed one. Does anyone have information, or links to websites, that have statistics about how many infants are adopted vs. number of un-adopted orphans, the possibilitly of her finiding a match with  parents waiting to adopt,etc., etc.,  and any other information that would be helpful in her making a decision.

Thank you in advance!

Welcome! Like PPs I would encourage your sister to seek counseling while making this decision. Also, there are many resources for counseling, but some of it may be biased towards one option or another, so make sure it is a place where they will talk through all of her options (parenting, kinship adoption, open adoption).

In regards to the likelihood of the baby being adopted should she choose to make an adoption plan, I would say it is almost guaranteed that there would be a match for her. Really, there are more couples seeking to adopt newborns than expectant mothers seeking to make an adoption plan.

All the best to you and your family, and feel free to post additional questions here.

amm78

I sent you a PM with some information!

lolo2011

Good luck to your sister and your family.  If I were in her shoes I may think it would be "weird" for my siblings to raise my child.  My adoption agency as well as many others can give info to her and help her with her decision.  She does not need to make a decision this early (and probably should not but just gather info).  If she does decide adoption is the best choice for her, the door is not closed.  Both her and your family can make an open plan and still have some contact with the baby or at least get regular pictures and updates and keep the door open for visits in the future. 

The birthmother of my wonderful son does not currently want contact but we send regular updates and photos to our agency and she can request them at any time.  We also hope that some day she may want to talk to us.  There are many adoptive parents that welcome the whole family.  I hope that since you and your family seem so supportive you can find an option like this if she goes this route.

 Good luck!!! 

racheldaigle46

Sorry, I did not mean to post and run.

I thank all of you so much for sharing your information as well as experiences. It has helped me so much as a person who cares about her sister and the choices she makes. I take all the responses to heart, and I cant thank all of you enough!

To those who have PM'd me, I promise I will respond asap, I just need to go to bed because I have to wake up early tomorrow, but I did read the messages, and thank you, thank you, thank you!

All of this makes me feel so much better about the whole situation, and helps me figure out the best way to support her. I will pass along the resources to my sister, as well as check them out myself, so that I can be there for her as much as I can.

hway24

I know I'm late to the party. But I just wanted to say that I think it's so great that you're being so supportive of your sister. No matter what she decides, she will definately need lots of support. Best of luck to her and your family. 

onedaychristinak

Late to respond...but YGPM. 

strimb82094

We are hoping to adopt. Please feel free to visit our page. Also, if youe has chosen a different path, please visit our page and share with your friends. You can also email us anytime at williamandstephanierussell@gmail.com Best of luck to you both!
https://www.facebook.com/home.php #!/pages/Looking-to-Adopt/1409 56719308024

 

Stephanie

MamaB2009

strimb82094:

We are hoping to adopt. Please feel free to visit our page. Also, if youe has chosen a different path, please visit our page and share with your friends. You can also email us anytime at williamandstephanierussell@gmail.com Best of luck to you both!
https://www.facebook.com/home.php #!/pages/Looking-to-Adopt/1409 56719308024

 

Stephanie

Stephanie -- welcome here!  I hope you'll stick around.  Generally we frown upon members of our board soliciting birthmothers from the board (or via PM).  We want this to be a safe haven where everyone can connect and discuss issues, gather information, etc. without turning it into a competition for more exposure or a game of "pick me!"

I say this is the nicest and most heartfelt way...as those of us who are AP's have all been in your shoes or currently are in your shoes.  Please stick around and post, but I think I speak for all of us when I say we don't welcome birthmother solicitation here.  Our birthmothers are super important to us and we want them to have a good experience here too!