Our money, or his money?

luvbeingmom

Kind some spin off questions from the topic below...

When you were working, did you separate your money from DH's? Pay your own bills, split the utilities etc?

Or did you combine accounts, $$ etc when you got married?

When you became a SAHM was there an issue in using "his money"?

Do you feel uncomfortable spending "his money"?

littlelamb99

Nope, it's OUR money.  I don't bring home a paycheck but I do a whole hell of lot at home.  And I also take care of our child, which is a very hard thing to do...

We both get $175 of fun money a month to spend on ANYTHING.  If I wanted to buy $175 of candy I can and he can't say anything about it...if I want a new handbag (like my LV) I have to save up a few months and buy pre-owned..  

cjsbdl

Our finances have been combined since the week we returned from our honeymoon. There's no "mine" or 'his"...it's all 'ours."

hellopoppyseed

Since the day we got married, all money has been OUR money. Reading the types of posts like the ones below make me really sad. I can't imagine how trapped I might feel needing money and not having the opportunity to make any due to having and taking care of babies and moving every couple of years for DHs career. It also makes me so grateful that I married a man who believes that God wants unity in marriage and that includes finances.

luvbeingmom

We had our first son when we were 16 and 17, so we couldn't afford to keep separate money really. We had to combine every penny and dime we had. So the whole separate accounts etc is a completely foreign subject to me.

I personally feel that once you get married you should combine. That way there's no resentment over what is spent. I've seen so many issues where one spouse is upset about what the other is spending but can't/won't do anything about it because it's "their" money. 

Since we had always been combining our money, I had no issues when I became a SAHM with being solely dependent on dh's income. And since we only had one bank account, there was no asking anyone for money. I feel that if he's agreed to you being a SAHM, then he's agreed to let you use the money as you see fit. There should be no "asking" for cash especially if you're using it to do things with your kids. The only time I ask for anything is when a big purchase comes up. But I handle the budgeting and bill paying, so he knows that if I'm asking, I'm only asking because I know we can afford it.

I don't feel uncomfortable spending "his money", but I'm more aware of my shopping. I won't go out to the mall and come home with new stuff as much as I used to when I was working. But that is also partly because we are now paying his student loans and trying to reduce our debt. 

JaysonandKristin

Kind some spin off questions from the topic below...

When you were working, did you separate your money from DH's? Pay your own bills, split the utilities etc?

No.  We combined all of our money.  The only money he never saw out of my paychecks was anything going toward retirement.   

Or did you combine accounts, $$ etc when you got married?

We combined our incomes when we moved in together.  We tried for 3 months to keep things separate because I was pretty ashamed of how dismal my financial situation was at 23.  But, he really helped me get my @$$ in gear, and we've been pretty successful financially since we combined accounts. 

When you became a SAHM was there an issue in using "his money"?

There is no "his money."  I've never felt that way.  I am the Manager of the Household.  All of the funds in our account are used for the management of our household.  There is NEVER an issue when I spend money. 

Do you feel uncomfortable spending "his money"?

Like I said, there is no "his money," so no I don't feel uncomfortable spending anything.

Stacyc625

Honestly- I am very different in this aspect.

We still have separate accounts and separate credit cards. (granted I still work).

We have been together for 11yrs and it has never felt like 'our' money- and that works for us. Our arrangement is very clear who takes care of what- and how much each of us saves/spends.

We are both very financially responsible and this works for us- so that is all that matters.

MAprincess

It's our money.  Even when I was working, it all went into one account.  We never had his and mine.  Always ours since we were married.

JessesGirl&MackenziesMom

Our money. It makes me sad to hear of anything else. We combined our accounts two weeks before we got married.

The only time I would feel uncomfortable would be if I made a purchase that was outside of our budget or we couldn't afford.

ToBeMrsT

It's our money and has been our money since we were engaged.  I work my butt off with these two kids. I have no problems spending our money. 

JenWhite123

When we both worked, we split the bills in half and had separate accounts.  We still have separate accounts.  I really don't have access to money, other than to borrow his debit card.  That is perfectly fine with me, that's actually the way I want it.  I can't spend what I don't have access to.  He gives me cash for groceries each week.....

hellopoppyseed

Hey why isn't, "It's MY money. All mine," an option?

EnglishMajor03

The only account DH and I both had access to was a savings account.  Other than that we split the bills and utilites.

Now, obviously we have one checking account and he pays all the bills from there.  I don't think of the money as "his" money. 

EnglishMajor03

luvbeingmom:

I personally feel that once you get married you should combine. That way there's no resentment over what is spent. I've seen so many issues where one spouse is upset about what the other is spending but can't/won't do anything about it because it's "their" money. 

I see it the complete other way.  When we had separate finances he could pay his obligations and do whatever he wanted with the rest.  Same for me.  If we combined I know he'd begrudge me for spending what I did on new clothes and I would have for his motorcycle "necessities".   Luckily DH and I are so similar financially that nothing ever became an issue.  We both knew we'd be responsible.

Geek_Girl

hellopoppyseed:

Hey why isn't, "It's MY money. All mine," an option?

This might actually be the case in our household.  DH is always asking if he can buy something because I'm the one who manages the finances.  He couldn't care less as long as everything is handled and he can buy guitar parts when he wants/needs them!  I keep telling him that if he keeps being a good boy, then maybe some day I'll give him an allowance!

Seriously, though, its our money and always has been and since I handle all the bill-paying, budgets, etc., I know what can and can't be spent on things.  He also knows I don't spend frivolously and am always looking for ways to maximize our savings.  I'm sure if I handled things differently there would be more discussion, but right now we just discuss big purchases.

ronnie day

We combined our accounts when we bought our house.  We kinda have an unspoken agreement that we don't buy anything over $100 without consulting the other.  

And even though he brings home the money, I pay all the bills. 

jhenry1204

We combined our accounts, minus one which we use to pay all the bills.  Since I am the one that takes care of the bills, I am the only one with access to this account.  Because it's "our" money, I don't feel bad spending it.  HOWEVER, it does bother me around holidays and such because that's when I feel like I'm spending "his" money on him.  I know this isn't the case since no matter what it is "our" money.

spring_time

Any money earned during our marriage is our money.  We have small separate checking accounts for "fun money" and we each get the same amount put into it.  That way, nobody can question the frivolous stuff.

Money from before we were married is still my money, but it kind of serves as an emergency fund.  However, it is my decision on how, when, or if it gets used.  I see it as my safety net since we are continuing to pay off his pre-marriage debts.

MrsBalletStar05

For a long time we kept stuff separate....I paid my credit cards and student loans, he paid his...most bills were paid by him, but I think I took care of some of the smaller ones.  We finally combined accounts when we had a child (because I stayed at home and didn't work for awhile) and we've kept the one joint account since (and I've been back to work and now back at home/working pt). 

I don't feel uncomfortable spending his money, but that is probably because we have been together for so long and we both know where all that money is going - and none of it is going to anything extravagant or unnecessary :-) 

Gator687

Definitely OUR money. He makes the money, I manage the money. I let him know how much is left after priorites are taken care of. Then we usually take that and have a night out together!

EveryNameIWantIsTaken

We lived together before marriage, and I still was the one who kept the money straight because he was just careless with his and was happy to have me take over.  He pretty much deposited his whole check into my account to pay what was needed and get groceries.  We didn't get a joint account until we were married, though.  Since being a sahm, I do bring in a small amount of money on my own, but I also have no issues spending what he makes.  It's all "our" money.

erstwhile+maven

It has been our money since shortly after our honey moon.  I manage the finances though DH is kept up to speed on everything.

eaglesfan700

We combined everything once we got married.  I handle all the finances so really he asks me for money

I have never looked at it as anything but "our" money

WhitePicketFence

It's been "our" money from the day we got married. All of our accounts have been joint from day one and we've considered all of our bills to be joint as well.

So, no, I have never felt guilty spending "his" money since it's all "our" money.

SeaStar430

It was our money before, and it's our money now.  I never even thought about feeling guilty.

gatogrrl

When you were working, did you separate your money from DH's? Pay your own bills, split the utilities etc?  Yes, and we still have separate accounts.  He deposits a set amount in my account on the last of every month.  I pay most of the bills, and I have money left over for "me" things, too.

When you became a SAHM was there an issue in using "his money"?  No.  He's a lot more cool about it than I am, actually.

Do you feel uncomfortable spending "his money"?  Yes and no.  I don't feel guilty buying necessities. But because it's all family money in a sense, I don't feel as free to spend on luxuries for me as I did when I earned my own money.

lbaby08

It is our money no matter who is working, who is in school or who is staying at home. Out of the five years we have been married, we have brought home a dual income for maybe 6 months (3 months, 2 separate times). We have always had to share! In the same way, we view DH's school debt as our debt. There is no separation. 

mrskelly731

We have a shared checking account that his paychecks go into and his has 100 go direct deposited into another checking account that is just his. I too have my own checking account that any money I make goes into.  Since I do all the finances we both have our 'own' money that we can buy each other things or save up for something one of us wants type of thing.

sophie206

We have a joint account in which DH's paycheck is deposited. We both use debit cards for the account and refer to it as "our account".

I also have a separate account, in which my (small) paychecks are deposited. DH is on the account, but doesnt want a debit. For us, "my" account is like our back-up money. I also pay for car insurance and medical bills with my paychecks and we use DH's pay for all the other bills and expenses.

I am the one who works on our budget and pays all of our bills. DH is happy to go along with things, although I wish he were more interested in budgeting/saving money. He isnt a huge spender but eats out more than I budget for and is terrible at tracking cash spending.

 

Daisy77

When you were working, did you separate your money from DH's? Pay your own bills, split the utilities etc?  Before we were married, yes.  I took care of my credit cards, fuel for my car, etc., he took care of the household bills.

Or did you combine accounts, $$ etc when you got married?  We combined.  Now we have joint checking and savings and we're both on our business accounts as well.

When you became a SAHM was there an issue in using "his money"?   Nope.

Do you feel uncomfortable spending "his money"?  Absolutely not.  Our kids can be a handful, lol.  Plus I take care of the paperwork end of our business and I don't get a paycheck for that....

MrsAJL

When you were working, did you separate your money from DH's? Pay your own bills, split the utilities etc?  Nope. We pooled our money to pay joint expenses. We had separate "allowance" accounts. Any bonuses received where split 80/20. 80% went into savings, and the person who earned the bonus kept 20% for his/her allowance account.

Or did you combine accounts, $$ etc when you got married?  Combined accounts.

When you became a SAHM was there an issue in using "his money"?  Not at all.

Do you feel uncomfortable spending "his money"?  Nope. The only time I feel uncomfortable is when he gets a bonus. I sometimes think he should keep more of it but he's happy with the 80/20 split.

Dr.Loretta

When I was working, it was our money. I had a very small (maybe $1-2K) account from my single days that we put a little bit of $ into from my paycheck each month. It went for things like solo trips, gifts for DH, and fun $. Everything else was common.

There was never an issue with "his" money. My mom was a SAHM from the get-go and a few times she tried out the "your money" line with my father. Who gently but firmly reminded her that is was THEIR money.

I do not feel at all uncomfortable spending OUR money.

EJChapman123

We combined our accounts after we got married in March - but I was already pregnant AND not working.  We would of combined them sooner, but it seemed easier to wait until I changed my name.  We put almost all purchases on our credit cards and pay the balances in full each month, so he just ordered me credit cards on his accounts, and I bought everything that way.  We still each have a checking account in our names, but its for logistical reasons, there is very little money in them, the main checking and savings is joint.

It would never be considered anything except our money, and fortunately we are very much on the same page with spending and saving.  Neither of us are big shoppers.  I track every dollar spent and it is all budgeted and accounted for, even my hair appointments and clothing purchases, so really once we agreed on a budget there isn't much to argue about.  If, however, something came up that I really wanted he would always let me have it, and vice versa.

 

J&A2008

Our money.  Our home.  Our kids.  Our life together.

mrsfirefly

It's been our money since we got married and I have no issue spending it as if it's our money.  We talk about all of our major purchases but none of the day to day stuff.

alyssa44

Always our money.  We combined finances right before our wedding and it remains the same.

JakesBride07

luvbeingmom:

Kind some spin off questions from the topic below...

When you were working, did you separate your money from DH's? Pay your own bills, split the utilities etc?

At one point we had seperate accounts, but I was managing both...DH's account paid his, Mine paid Mine everything else we split. Most of our married life it's been one account with "our $$"

Or did you combine accounts, $$ etc when you got married?

Yes

When you became a SAHM was there an issue in using "his money"?

No, even before being a SAHM I managed the finances and our money was combined.

Do you feel uncomfortable spending "his money"?

Not usually. I've always had second thoughts about frivalous things, a little more so now that I am not working, but if it's for neccesities and nothing over the top then I don't feel bad. I think $$ is still split pretty fairly between the two of us for fun things.