Northern California Babies

Is this normal or just my kid? Falling apart when told "no".

Just wondering if other kiddos do this.  Lately when something happens and DD is told no or she can't do something she completely fall apart.  I mean tears, snot, the whole thing.  She isn't screaming or throwing a fit she just falls apar.  I refuse to give in to her and it takes a long time for her to control herself.  You can't talk to her when she is like this because it just makes it worse.  Right now she is crying in my room because I wouldn't let her use the computer.  I was using it to look up some information.  

So because of her Autism I never know if certain behaviors are normal of a 4-5 year old or if this is normal for her because she doesn't know the right way to cope or express herself.   

imageimage
107 Read/listened to in 2011: 91 Books/16 Audiobooks
Read 2012: 33/50

Re: Is this normal or just my kid? Falling apart when told "no".

  • J, that must be so hard.  Cause the "normal" thing is that you say no when you have to and you expect your kid will get used to it, right?  I have no idea if it's normal for her age cause my kid isn't that old.  But I have certainly wondered similar things about my kid and wondered if it was normal or a by product of other issues.  I hope someoen else with a soon to be kindergartener can answer you!
  • Mine does that too. Over the smallest things, more often when he's hungry or tired or whatever. I don't know if it's normal, but it sure is annoying/tiring! My mom doesn't like saying no and will often give in, so it's an uphill battle for me. I think my son isn't that great at expressing his sad/mad/frustrated emotions. 
  • Loading the player....
  • its probably a bit of both. Lexi has momments where the world is ending because she cant have something. Is there a way you can tell her no, with out saying no? Like , im on the computer right now, and its your turn with ________. When mommy is done we can switch?

     

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • Well Andrew's not as old as Sara so my answer probably isn't terribly valid but yeah for sure he acts like that.  It's not all the time sometimes he takes things with such stride that DH and I are a like who was that kid?  But if it's something he really, really wants then it's WWIII and he is completely unable to calm down on his own like that.  If we try to leave him in his room he screams, slams the door, runs in and out and tries to hit us or hit Cooper.  I usually end up in his room with him rocking him until  he can calm down and it often ends with some kind of compromise.

    No matter the root cause, good luck with it, I know how frustrating it is.

  • CelynCelyn member
    Considering my typical child is more likely to do that than my spectrum one, I'd say it's typical behavior :)
  • As soon as my kids turned 4, the whining and tantrums returned with a vengence. So much drama! I let them know that crying and screaming gets them the opposite of what they want and if they want to ever use or do that thing in the future, they have to take a deep breath and talk it out with me. Screaming and crying shut off my ears (okay, it really doesn't but I lie to them and tell them that so it takes away the power of annoyance). 

     DS is better at calming down than DD. She gets to worked up, we that we have to do a couple of deep breaths before she can talk normal. I always explain why. Mom always has a reason for everything... whether it is safety or otherwise.  



    Lilypie Fifth Birthday tickers
  • Ryan also has his moments.  It's not every time he gets told no but there are times when it's full on tears and sobs.  In fact, he made me cry the other day until he explained himself.  He told me (between sobs) "Mommy.......(sniff...sad crying face)....you've ..... (sniffffff).....BROKEN (sob, sniffff, sniff) my ..... heart!"   I totally thought I had done something irreparable....only to find out I had broken his heart because I wouldn't let him have fruit snacks.

    I think drama, tantrums, and screaming are par for the course at age 4-5.

     

    Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.
    imageimage
    imageimage
    image
  • Garrison does this... it's so not fun.
  • Tyson, my drama king, does this. Tears. Sobs. Screams. And the the verbal, heart wrenching onslaught: "I'm so SAD, you hurt my feelings, I don't like you, you can't play in my room (heh)"...fun times.

  • imagescrapmama2201:

    Tyson, my drama king, does this. Tears. Sobs. Screams. And the the verbal, heart wrenching onslaught: "I'm so SAD, you hurt my feelings, I don't like you, you can't play in my room (heh)"...fun times.

    Will totally does this.  I've considered nominating him for an Oscar. But it totally gets to me even though I try not to let it. :)  Sounds "normal" to me! 

  • Interesting you brought this up and we're experiencing it as well...and it's OH so fun when BOTH boys have a complete mother of all meltdowns. I was chalking it up to end of one summer session for one plus this started right when he got bit at school so maybe some residual feelings? Then S is just being all sorts of difficult and like A & Ty, I was given a loooooooooooooong schpiel last night about how I am the meanest mom in the world, I am not loved, I won't ever get kisses or hugs ever again, blah blah blah. 

    I wish had some advice, but I don't since lately I just tune it out and or walk away. :(  

  • Thanks everyone.  It is hard.  She hasn't done any of the back talking to me but I think that is only because she really can't get a hold of her emotions when this is happening.  I think I'm going to have to get out the feelings chart again to help her.  Also to reinforce using her words first before falling apart.  
    imageimage
    107 Read/listened to in 2011: 91 Books/16 Audiobooks
    Read 2012: 33/50
  • My kiddo is only 3, but when he gets in a state where you can't talk to him, I sit next to him and say let's take a deep breath and then do it myself.

    Sometimes he does it right away, sometimes  I have to do it a few times before he joins in, but once he takes a few deep breaths, he's calm again and you can tlak to him.

    He's also melting down when you tell him no sometimes and it's really hard to deal with, but once I can get him to calm down he's much more reasonable. 

     

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • EmmieBEmmieB member

    Just wanted to weigh in that my 18 month old melted down at the table this morning because I told him he had to swallow the bacon that was in his mouth before I would give him more.

    We have an oversized red chair that has become the "cool down" chair. When I see him getting worked up, I offer to let him sit in the big comfy chair and cool off - with or without me. He often picks to sit without me and when he takes a few breaths on his own we all feel better.

    Good luck!

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"