DH's 40th birthday is tomorrow. Every year, without fail, I plan a special meal and cake for the evening of his real birthday. Which is usually on a weekday (duh) and a workday for him (super duh) so I just really do a dinner with hats and dessert, because you know how early my kids go to bed, how we are a routine family, etc. Sidenote: If you read this board regularly you know this about me. Perfect strangers know this about me within minutes of meeting me. Yet MIL cannot get it through her thick skull even though she's known me for 10+ years.
Every year, without fail, MIL calls DH on the day of his birthday around 2/3 PM and asks if she and FIL can "stop by to say hi and happy birthday". And she always wants to drop on in at 5 PM. She always swears up and down they don't want to eat with us, they don't expect a meal, etc. Did I mention they live an hour away? So they're just going to drive an hour, stay for 5 minutes, and turn around and drive an hour back. Starving hungry the whole way. Awesome.
I get annoyed every year because A) figure it out a-freaking-head of time because you know what day his bday is and you've known for 40 years and DON'T DROP BY MY HOUSE AT MEALTIME WITH ONLY A FEW HOURS NOTICE. JUST DON'T DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't push my kids' schedule back and you make everything so so so awkward when you flipping come over and WATCH US EAT.
Last week I asked DH to call her and set something up so this won't happen (it literally happens EVERY year, except of course on the years when they forget his birthday all together- that's happened 2 or 3 times as well). He said he would. I checked with him Saturday and he didn't call. I don't want to push the issue but I know he hasn't called.
So, one of two things will happen tomorrow: either they won't call at all and the day will just go by without them even recognizing that it's his birthday, or, I'll be sitting at home having the freakos watch me eat.
Either one of these scenarios is freaking sad for my DH.
Should we make a bet? What do YOU think will happen?!?!?
This year I have decided not to lose my cool over this in front of DH, MIL, or kiddos so lucky you, nesties, you get to read it!!!
Re: Wanna make a bet? (re: my ILs)
Ah yes, I remember this.
I seem to remember they forgot to call last year so I am thinking she is going to do the "call and stop by stuff"
Or is she the type to just show up?
It is sad, annoying and frustrating. I think you need a drink!
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Harmony Doula
You crack me up. You are right -- anyone who reads the board knows this about you. That your MIL doesn't means she either doesn't pay attention, she assumes you will change, or she's hoping for a different result.
I'm glad you see that she won't change and have decided to just change your reaction. It's the only thing you can control.
As for birthdays, I wish I had that sort of ritual to stick to. DS is the only one in our family who gets one -- everyone else gets what we have to give on that day. Sometimes (mostly my birthday) that means take out and a store bought cake. DH gets more or less depending on the year, my mom the same. Thankfully DH cares about his birthday less than anyone I've ever known well. It wouldn't bother him a bit if his parents didn't call him.
I seem to recall that H has done this, but MIL insists they won't be eating with them & then food goes to waste.
I'm betting they "forget" to call at all. It's his 40th after all, and I'm sure MIL will get herself in a tizzy about how old SHE is and won't want to acknowledge the day at all.
I always just plan to have enough food to feed them.
I'm not going to call her because A) I don't call her and it's not my job to remind her about her own son's birthday and C) I don't call her. Ever.
And as far as your theory, Celyn- I thought that for a long time, like, that this is just her way of inviting her/themselves over when they normally wouldn't get an invitation, etc. Just like I COMPLETELY think she does a lot of things (including this birthday stuff) purposefully to chap my hide.
DH says no, she's really JUST that stupid.
I'm not sure.
What I am sure of is that I would never, EVER forget one of my son's birthdays or not call him til a few hours before dinnertime on his birthday. Even if I thought his wife was an evil %^& from you-know-where.
And I want to add that I LOVE that you guys all know about this and have some insight to my life and can give me some ups for changing my attitude (thanks, futurek).
I can't go off about this in real life to very many people without having some sort of repercussion (my own mother gets mad, DH gets frustrated, etc). So, thanks for listening, for humoring me, for being amused, and helping me grin and bear it.
I'll be serving post-workout wine at my house around 8 PM!
H, just for s*&ts and giggles, what would you like her to do for his birthday? If she were some totally different person? Should she call a week in advance and make plans with him? What would those plans entail?
I'm just curious. Most times in these situations, what we want the other person to do is obvious. At least it is for me.
I think she should call a few weeks (at least) ahead, and arrange some kind of celebration with him. Now, if that means that they come to my house for a meal, awesome! But at least I'll KNOW that they are coming.
Maybe she could throw a family birthday party for him at her house. Bring the boys! Let her prepare the food for once! Maybe (watch out... this is shocking!) they should offer to take our family OUT to eat (I've eaten with them in a restaurant a total of 2 times, and one time I paid the bill, lol). Maybe she could ask us to come up for an afternoon and we'll have cake and a visit. Or she could come to our house.
I really don't care. Truly, it's the last minute that buggers me out.
THe last minutes stuff would drive me batty too. I thought of you when my dad and his wife invited themselves to come visit my in-laws at my house with my kid (after his bedtime) the night before said kid's birthday party during the dinner hour. I meant to post about it but got too busy. But I laughed to myself, and thought that Fricks would totally understand my furry. You don't invite yourself to someone's house at dinner time and pretend you don't expect dinner! And who says they can't come to the party but want to visit the guests so they'll come before hand instead???
But all your options would be awesome. And totally something as adult women we could strive to do for our kids when they are adults.
As an adult child with living, able bodied, parents, my family hasn't planned or initiated a birthday celebration on my behalf since I was...18? My parents divorced when I was 14 and the only times I've seen my dad on my birthday are when I planned a party for myself and invited him. My mom makes more of an effort, but again expects me to do the planning/work. Neither has offered to take me to dinner for my birthday or bake me a cake since I became an adult. The funny thing is that both expect me to make plans to celebrate their own birthdays with them -- meaning that for everyone's birthday, including my own, I'm the party planner in chief. And sometimes the chief goes on strike.
DH's family organizes itself after consultation with the birthday person, and the parents always pay.
I'm thinking if she drops by, you serve her food and then she's sitting there with food in front of her. and if she says she doesn't want it, say something about how she came at meal time, so obviously she should eat. ;-)
good luck!
I'm going with the last minute call/drop in and standard refusal of a meal.
I hope CF knows how lucky he is to have a wife who not only plans awesome birthday celebrations, but is able to take the high road when it comes to his parents and not go OFF about them to him. I honestly don't know if I could contain myself the way you do.
I wish you had better ILs...but if you have to have bad ones, I sure am glad you tell us all the stories
I've also seen your posts about your ILs. With it being his 40th, I'm sure she won't resist stopping by to watch. I say you should write a poem in MIL fashion and beat her to it (if she wrote one). She'll feel so outdone.
I love this idea.
I think she will forget. (does that make me awful?) Dh's have forgot a few years in the 8 we have been together, including his 30th.
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Harmony Doula
Ha! They're not allowed to be alone with our kids.
WOW.
She's on the phone right now. "Can we stop by around 5 tomorrow?!?!"
Well, she came in right under the 24 hour mark. Vast improvement from years past. Must be something in the air because they actually OFFERED to take us OUT to dinner!
ATTENTION: HELL HAS FROZEN OVER AND PIGS ARE FLYING!!!!!
DH wants Round Table (his fave) for his bday dinner so I was just going to pick that up anyway. So, now we'll go to the pizza parlor and they will pay for it. In more ways than one since my kids NEVER go out to eat on a school night and are sure to be hot messes all over that Round Table. Ha ha ha ha ha.
Oh joy. And I can't even order booze. Maybe I can take a Norco or 5.
The last minute-ness still annoys me. At least I was expecting it and didn't plan to make a home-made meal from scratch (which I always offer, BTW, but my DH has a ridiculous 14 year old boy thing about Round table pizza). SO annoying.
Wow. Run with it. Maybe if it goes well, it will be the start of a trend and not an anomaly.
Good luck!
Or she's found the boards and she's reading your posts. And praying for us all.
And you can always swing by and borrow my hip flask.
I love your in laws for the fun they bring to the board.
I vote they show and watch you eat...BUt I say you hide DHs phone tonight so they cant call him to invite themselves over...
Or make enough for them and say since you come last minute every year...here ya are!
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LOL!!! At least its a free meal.
You guys are awesome. I wish I could videotape it and live stream you to my dinner. ooooooommmmmmmmmmmmgggggggggggg I need you all in an earpiece!
Ok so I decided a long time ago it's just not worth it to drink in front of them. I used to just do it because I didn't care, at least when I was in my own house, but I never drink "on their turf" or when the kids are around when they are around. Just more ammo for her to call me a sinner.
I've decided not to watch the Bachelorette tonight and save it as my pot of gold at the end of my long and tumultuous rainbow I've got to slide down tomorrow night.
I know it could be way worse, but believe me this thread has kept me from completely biting of DH's head like 80 times tonight, so thank you again for helping me see the humor.