So upset and just wanted to vent. Ok, I'll try to summarize: DH and struggled with getting pregnant for years and went thru a lot of painful surgeries, fertility treatments, and losses. So when I got pregnant this time we decided on a homebirth, we wanna avoid that whole hospital scene and be in control ourselves. MIL hasn't been supportive, but she hasn't been horrible either. She wants to be at our house for the birth and we are only having the midwives and doula, she was upset about that, but had settled down to the idea.
Last week I started having trouble with my gallbladder. We went to the hospital to check for gallstones, and I don't have any, but my gallbladder is pinched and twisted cause of babys positioning. I can mostly control the gallbladder attacks with a super-plain diet.
We called MIL to let her know and she was all excited I was in the hospital! She said I could "just get a Csection and gallbladder removal at once", so she could see the baby for a whole month before she goes back to work (she is a teacher's aid and off for the summer, god bless those poor children LOL).
Um, no! First off they aren't removing my gallbladder, it should be fine after the birth, and second thats hardly a reason to schedule an unnecessary Csection, esp since she knows how important a homebirth is to us.
Then she starts about when I'm gonna get induced. I told her they gave me a due date window, not a specific date and its the 10th-18th, so not overdue yet and then the midwife and OB I see for co-care are comfortable with me going two weeks over beyond that. I told her nothing may happen till the 1st of Aug and she flipped!
She started with horror stories about babies born after 40weeks who were "messed up". Apparently our baby will have cerebral palsy if I don't go in for an induction! She went on and on and I just sat there holding the phone like WOW.
DH says ignore her, she is more ignorant than malicious, but it made me mad and hurt my feelings! He says she is insensitive, and doesn't think before speaking, but come on, who is so out of it they think telling a pregnant mom her child will have brain damage is ever acceptable!?
What should I do? Try to reason with her? Is it worth it? I really feel crappy lately and not up to her drama, but its difficult to ignore. Anyone have anyone say things like that to them?
Sorry so long, thanks in advance.
Re: MIL vent-long
The snarky,don't give crap side would tell her"Oh that explains why you have issues, your mom must have gone over 40 wks."
The other part of me says this will only hurt more than help. She is never going to understand or see your point of view so I wouldn't try to persuade her. From here on out just let your DH communicate with her. Set up boundaries(these are harsh,but she'll get the picture) explain to her that if she brings up when the baby is born, how baby is born, baby needs to be here for her benefit you'll A) hang up the phone
leave(if you're with her). I guarantee she'll get the picture after a few times(I've done this). This is Dh and your baby...it doesn't matter what her opinion/wants are. Good luck!
As much as I would love to do this one too, it could be worse in the long run.
I agree with the above, the boundaries need to be set and punishments for crossing boundaries enforced. It may seem like it is more for a child but she is acting like one.
I posted on 3rd tri as well.
Next time she brings it up just say "Thanks for your concern, but I trust the decision made by myself and a medically trained professional" and then change the subject. It doesn't sound like she will change her mind so just brush it off and try to limit communication with her.
House / Baby blog
I think that's the best way to handle it.