In-laws are over every day...

rachellaura86

Since I came home from the hospital they have been dropping over for daily visits. So far they have been here every day for a week. I really like my in-laws, and they are super excited to be grandparents. They have also been very generous and bringing us meals and helping us clean up.

It's getting kind of annoying though. I would really like some downtime. I feel guilty for feeling this way though because they mean well. And my husband is really close with them and loves having them come over- he keeps talking about how amazing his parents have been so I feel badly wishing them to be here less. My husband didn't even tell me they were coming tonight- I thought I finally would have some downtime- he mentioned they were coming for dinner about one hour beforehand and totally caught me off guard.

It's just really grating on me now that its assumed they can just come every day. I actually started getting a bit jealous today because they were holding my daughter the whole time they were here and I felt like it was cutting into my time with her! Ugh.... I hope these visits dwindle down............

bunnymama625

I totally pulled a "she's not feeling well" and hogged my baby all day after my parents had been here a week

Babalonia

Sounds exactly like my DH and his family. They are over all the time and they NEVER call they just "drop in"...After I mentioned to DH that I didn't appreciate it he had a big hissy fit..Yes I married a mama's boy..fully aware.

He said from the beginning that with both families it will be an "open door policy" to see our DS..well my family lives 20 mins away where his live 2 mins..so my family NEVER drops in..they always call..just today alone his sister, and his mom just "showed up."  At this point all I begged DH to do is to PLEASE tell his family (and I would tell mine) no one here past 7pm because that's his cranky time and we are getting him ready for bed.

It's crazy before I had DS I LOVED his mother..his sisters always annoyed me..but ever since DS came along I am getting a little annoyed by his mother and more annoyed daily by his sisters 

LaRue86

Between my family and my in-laws DH and I talked tonight about how things are out of control and that things are going to get nasty if we do not get things under control soon. LO is 4 weeks and people have been here every day. Granted I had a c-section and then had my gallbladder out last week, but still. My mom feels she needs to be here before DH leaves for work in the AM and then stays until DH is off work for an hour or two. We never asked for her to do that and when I get irritated and say that I dont need her help that I can do things on my own she thinks I am being ungrateful. Then today when I told her I havent been able to be the mother to DS that I wanted to be because I have rarely been alone with him, she thinks I have PPD. I really wanted to be a biotch and tell her she would be the direct cause of it, but realized that would do me no good.

I feel smothered and DH and I will be having conversations with his family and mine this weekend. DH and I are very much on the same page..

Chicwed

my in-laws are the same except they weren't coming over every day, but about every other day.  like OP said, it was just too much.  and when they would come over, they wouldn't help out around the house.  they'd just want to hold LO.  DH & I finally told them that we needed time alone as a family and that they could come over once over the weekend.  now we're telling them to come over every other weekend.  they've respected our request which is really nice.  they will be watching LO come September so i'm sure they'll be getting in their fill of her then.

Christine&Chris

I could have written this exact post when I was 1 week post-partum. My ILs arrived at the hospital 4 hours after DDs birth and visited in the hospital or came to the house every.single.day for 2+ weeks. MIL would come over only to hold DD....and wouldn't leave until 9 or 10 at night! I would have to practically take DD right out of her arms and go upstairs before she got the hint. The biggest aspect of the nightmare...MIL lives next door a la "Everybody Loves Raymond" and figured that she could just show up and let herself in whenever she wants - during nap time, bath time, first thing in the am or late at night. Ugh.

 It came to a head when we were sitting down to eat dinner one night at about 2 weeks pp (which I had to make while MIL held the baby). DD was in her PNP and started fussing - I got up to comfort her and MIL made a teasing comment about not making a habit of me jumping up at every noise. I broke down in tears and yelled that I just wanted to hold my own baby! I said quite a bit more...but only then did the visits finally slow down and we got our personal time/space. DH and I even got our first entire day at home alone with DD as a family, and it was absolutely wonderful and so stressfree.  Since then DH and I have been VERY vocal about not allowing any visitors at all for the first week home after the next baby. 

Grandparent boundaries have been a really sore spot in our house, and I wish we would have been stronger from the very beginning about what is and what is not acceptable. Daily visits from anyone are going to break you down fast, and frankly most people don't need that much help post partum if LO and you are doing well.  Speak up to your DH, get on the same page...you guys are all LO needs right now, and you'll be better off with some quiet time. Help can be nice, but in incements - let the laundry go for a day or more, get some take out, you and DH can do it on your own! And it'll be a great bonding time. This is your baby and the grandparents DONT have to see LO every single day to survive.

MissManda

UGH! My inlaws have been better than I thought they would be. But my mom came and stayed for a week. She actually got mad when DH got home from work and I gave DS to him instead of her so I could go to the bathroom and wash pump stuff. The entire week she was here, she did nothing to help -- not even change a diaper! She argued with me when I knew he was hungry and bossed DH around.

 You need to talk to DH and the inlaws -- you need time as a family and they need to back off!

mrs mosby

I would say something to your DH, or to your IL's directly if you are comfortable. I felt the same way right after I had the baby and finally told my DH that I wanted a weekend off - from everyone. It was so nice not to have to entertain visitors and just relax with DH and the baby. Luckily, now that she is older the company has died down but it was rough those first couple of weeks. Good Luck!

HollySC13

I feel you.I have this problem too. My in laws live in the same small town and so they are only minutes away. If they drop by and DS is crying it's because "He wants granna!". No, it's because he needs to go down for a nap and you're being loud.So annoying.

lorist202

I have intrusive ILs, and a H that is a huge mama's boy, but I recognized it early and set boundaries.  It hasn't always been pleasant, but it's always been consistent and justified.  I always make it clear to DH that I adore them and appreciate their help, but...

I think if you stand your ground, but be fair and respectful, you can probably make it a better situation over time.

hepcats

I don't blame you at all. I understand why you would feel guilty though. My dad has called me every single day since LO was born - he's over 5 weeks old at this point - and all I can think of every time I see his number come up on my caller ID is "Really, dad, really?? Are you going to call me every day for the rest of my life??" I feel like *** for thinking that but sometimes people need to know their boundaries. I make DH pick up now and then so that I get a break from the daily follow ups...Good luck to you on this one!

rachellaura86

Well looks like I'm not alone!

My husband is a total mama's boy too so maybe I should've seen this coming. I really like his parents though and they're pretty normal so I just didn't expect all of this smothering.  They do let us know when they're coming, but it's just way too much.

And to the last poster who mentioned her dad calling every day.... OH YEA I've got that going on too, with my mom! But not just once a day, I get at least THREE calls a day checking in on the baby. I'm sorry, what else can I really report? And it really annoys me when I get calls in the middle of a precious nap or when I'm trying to breastfeed. I'm sorry, I'm not sitting around here doing nothing all day.......

Spin313

Be honest..."DH, your parents have been wonderful and I appreciate everything they have done for us, but I am feeling overwhelmed and visitors every day is just too much."

nugget0411

tell DH that he needs to tell them you want a family night just the 3 of you to enjoy your baby alone. they will understand! especially if they've been over that often.

 

ashleyrsotomayor

CTGirl30:

Talk to your husband and set some boundaries so the 3 of you can have private time to bond as your own little family. You need that in the beginning.

My inlaws didn't come until baby was over 2 months old but they also live across the country. They stayed with us in our home for a week. But by then I was also ready to appreciate a second set of hands and have some time out with just DH and me. But the first week? Yeah, no. I was tired / sore / emotionally a mess and needed to get used to my baby and mommyhood.

All of this. I put my foot down and said no visitors until after 2 weeks because I wanted that bonding time with DH, DS, and I. I was also tired, sore, and hormonal after delivery and I am glad I didn't have guests here to worry about. DH took 2 weeks off work and it has been great. All of our family lives across the country as well, so they would have been staying here. My parents arrive tonight, and the in-laws will be here in a couple of weeks...but I am now to the point where DH and I are getting comfortable with our little family and adjusted and I am feeling better, so I am happy to have visitors now. I know my MIL will drive me nuts when she does come though because it's her first grandbaby and she is over the top.