September 2011 Moms
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Me and my DH's ex are about to have it out!

I could have swore today is Wednesday...but it feels like a freaking Monday! Got woke up to DH's ex texting him at 6 in the morning (which is in and of itself odd considering I have called her at 11 on weeks she doesn't have the kids and she is still in bed) because she needed to talk to him about the oldest SS. So he calls her and an argument ensues. Why?

 Well, the oldest SS has autism, asthma, allergies, and a bit of ADHD. Granted non of these are very severe. He is 10 but his autism makes him act like an 8 year old. His asthma is only depending on the weather (like if it is extremely hot and muggy out), his allergies are seasonal and the ADHD is only bad during the school year because of having to focus on homework. I used to be a teacher aide in high school for a child from K through 5th grade who had SEVERE autism. Kid couldn't function normally if there was a two hour delay, he would through fits all the time in the middle of class and the only person he would focus and calm down for was me.

Anyways, BM treats SS like he is completely handicapped and it upsets me. SS is super intelligent and, like I said before, he is basically 2 years off thought process wise. But BM has him conditioned to misbehave and blame it on his Autism. I also can barely get this kid to go outside at any point during the year because he says, "Well my asthma will get bad. I can't go out there." Even if it is 70 degrees, no pollen and is completely cool outside. Anyways (straying away from the point).

The poor 10 year old is already on several types of medication. Some of which he needs and others that he really doesn't. He is on Strattera for his Autism/ADHD, Singulair for his asthma/allergies, has an inhaler, a breathing treatment machine, and recently she decided that he needed to be on Loratadine. I asked why and she said it was for the allergies. I said, "Well isn't that what the Singulair is for?" She said, "Yes, but I didn't think it was working well enough so I asked the doctor to put him on something else." Whatever...

Well this morning she called to inform us that when the we get the boys tomorrow the oldest SS will now also have to take Prednizone. Really? DH asked her why and she said that she took him to the doctor yesterday and she told them that he is still having breathing issues and so this is supposed to help with that. Okay.....

I have been with DH for 3 years, married for 2. In that time, when the boys are in our care, the oldest SS has had to have 1 breathing treatment because the pollen was really bad, he has had to use his inhaler twice, and we have NEVER had to take him to the doctor's or the hospital! Since we moved into this new place in December, he has used his inhaler 1 (which counts as the second time ever for using his inhaler) and has never had to have a breathing treatment, and still has NEVER had to be taken to the hospital or doctor's for breathing issues.

Since December at BM's house he has been taken to the hospital 4 times and the doctor's once or twice a month. In the last 30 days she has taken him to the doctor's 4 times and had to take him to the hospital 1 for a breathing issue.

Is it just me or is there something wrong with this picture? I told DH that he needs to tell her that from now on, when she takes the oldest SS to the doctor she needs to inform him so that he can go with them because this is getting ridiculous. I mean, she over exaggerates everything. She thinks that all the boys have to be on some type of medication. Heck, she tried to say that the middle SS was autistic when he is the most typical child ever. She also had him put on Loratadine because of a bug bite and then had the oldest SS put on some medication because he started complaining of itching all over the next day when the doctor couldn't find a reason as to why. But she complained to him enough that he just handed over the meds.

I mean seriously, there has to be something we can do about this situation. Right? Is there like a complaint we can file with JFS? I mean when the children are in her care they are constantly having to go to the doctor's/hospital or the are sick or they end up getting hurt in some way, shape or form. She is making the oldest one so co-dependent upon medication that, should we run into and issue where there is a few days lag in being able to get a prescription filled and he ends up getting a cold or something, he is going to end up in the hospital because his little 10 year old body is co-dependent on all these steroids and meds. Not to mention the fact that this Prednizone can cause him to have mood swings...great! We already had to deal with that when he was on the Addirill and the doctor said that he should only take it during the week, during the school year. The first week of summer vacation was torture because he was beating up on his brother's and then, when made to stand in a corner for 5 minutes he managed to peel a nice patch of paint and wood off of the closet door. Then when I made him sit on the floor he started pulling up the carpet!

I honestly don't know what to do with this situation! I mean, she keeps taking the boys to the doctor's and having them put on meds for mystery symptoms that the doctor can't figure out. She complains about them enough and adds to the story each time because she is one of those people who knows just enough to be able to get what she wants from the doctor. Not to mention that this stuff only happens at her house. GRRRRRRRRRRRRR.............I wish we just had the boys full time. It would make life a lot easier. We have them every other week for the entire week and still pay $500 a month in child support for them because she conveniently didn't have a job for 2 years when her and my DH got divorced. He wouldn't have to pay child support since they have shared parenting but she figured out how to work the system..

Sorry this is long....needed to vent this out!    

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Re: Me and my DH's ex are about to have it out!

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    I think that if your husband believes his son is being put on unnecessary medications then he really needs to take him to another doctor himself and have testing done. Especially if you guys really feel like she is telling the doctors what they want to hear to have him diagnosed. While I am sure you are frustrated with the ex, what is most important is that your stepson have correct and proper medical attention and that should be top priority. So my suggestion is take a few deep breaths and make arrangements for your DH to take him for evaluation by your trusted doctor.

    Good luck!

    ~ Josh & Jill, married 5/2/09 ~
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    As a stepmom too, I totally feel where you are coming from. No joke. My stepson's mother claims that he has stomach issues and he is highly anemic. Fact is, she doesn't make him eat, when he does eat it's craptastic take out food and junk. When he is with us he eats like my other boys do and they take a daily vitamin. Nothing prescribed. He's never complained about his stomach here and when he was having problems with his anemia, he was really young and we only have visitations 2 days a week 2 hours a day. It was a rough process from the beginning.

    Anyways, I too would have him reevaluated by another doctor and see what the issues are. Maybe she has mold issues or their living conditions are messed up that he may actually need some of the medications over there. I would see those as grounds for their removal of the home as it is creating health conditions. I wouldn't see why any judge would see it fit for those children to be on that many prescription meds without reasonable cause. Get him to a doctor and see what's really going on and what is really neededd to control his issues. Then go from there. Good luck.

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    Erm...this situation seriously needs to be taken up & reviewed by somebody.  It's seeming that she's insisting on treatments for non-existant issues or very minor ones to say the least.  It has me concerned about her possibly having Munchausen's Syndrome (or however one spells that) with such an exaggerated difference in the child's behavior & treatment from one house to the other.  Also the financial arrangement needs to be re-evaluated (if possible) since they're staying with you just as much as her.
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    DH and I had a discussion about the situation tonight and have decided that it is best if he takes SS to a doctor and have him evaluated by a doctor that isn't one his ex uses. There is obviously something going on there that would make a kid have breathing problems only when he is at her house and also to make her want to put him on as much medication as possible. And who the hell is this doctor to just randomly shell out meds? I mean would you seriously think it is okay to switch/add to a 10 year old's medication 4 times in one month? I am not a doctor and I know that that can not be good for a kid that young. So now all DH has to do is find a doctor for SS. I can't make/take him to a new doctor because I have no legal rights to...which sucks because my DH is not the most reliable person when it comes to things like these which may cause a conflict with the ex. Oh well, it needs to be done and he is just going to have to man up and do!
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