September 2011 Moms
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Dear <blank>, Please <blank>

Okay so the FFFC seems to be winding down a bit and I need to be entertained to get through today. You know that website dearblankpleaseblank.com... well lets hear your own. A great place for venting to your coworker, a stranger, newbs on the board, whatev.

Dear ____,

Please _____.

Sincerely,

_______

...And go!

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Re: Dear <blank>, Please <blank>

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    kleu9kleu9 member

    Dear paycheck,

    Please magically double. I would like to go on a random shopping spree and feel no guilt.

    Sincerely,

    kleu9

     

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    Dear MIL,

    Kindly stop calling and texting DH incessantly asking how I am doing.  You have not given a flying fvck about me this entire pregnancy so you don't get to suddenly swoop in when I am having problems and pretend to be concerned.

    All the best,

    Camdenfaithful

    bumping from my phone. please pardon any typos and missing punctuation
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    Dear previous employer that I now do contract work for,

    PAY ME!!!!!  You are behind and I plan to stop work on Monday if I don't get a check from you.

    I've got nothing nice to say,

    Fanny

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    Dear FB friends with babies,

    I know you think your baby is the cutest, but seriously all the Vote for my baby in Gerber's contest requests are getting out of control!  Every other mom of a baby also thinks she has the cutest baby.

    Sincerely,

    the woman who's baby really will be the cutest!

      Stick out tongue  kidding!

     

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    Dear DD#1,

    Please clean up your toys like you have been asked to do all day so that I can stop stepping and tripping on them.  Momma is getting seriously annoyed.

    Love,

    ChefSarah 

    imageAlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers
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    Dear Really Annoying Girl on Facebook,

    Please edit yourself, or just shut up already. Just because someone posts something does not mean you are required to reply at all, never mind with long, annoying paragraphs of nothingness. Additionally, no one gives a sh!t about every move you make during the day.

    Sincerely,

    Lisa the Grouch. 

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    *please forgive my judgmental, crappy attitude- it's not me, it's the hormones...I swear* :)

    Dear People of Public Transit,

      I'm not sure if you have a functioning sense of smell or if you just don't care to wash. Maybe no one has explained to you that when you don't wash your hair for days it smells like a compost heap.

    You see that grey tinge to your jeans, that is dirt and most likely bacteria. When you don't wash your jeans and do heavy labor in them all day long, while smoking and then drinking all night....well, quite frankly it smells like dog ***. Wash your clothes, have a shower and for god sake... brush your freaking teeth!!

    Oh and you smokers, you fuc*ing stink. When you get onto the subway with your "saved" cigarette butt we all have to smell your stench. It is discusting and no one wants you to sit near them. 

    Don't worry, I haven't forgot you, the head up your ass 20 something guy who doesn't give up his seat to seniors. As if what is happening on your phone is so important that you can't look up to see if you should move your entitled ass!!! You make me sick with your selfishness- and you most likely fu*king stink too.

    With love,

    Wingsongs 

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    Dear MIL,

    I hope you enjoy your Hawaii vacation 1 week before I am due because DH and I are going to do everything possible to make sure that baby comes while you are not here so all your selfishness will show through to the entire family. (Not that they don't already know.)

    Aloha!

    Cristina

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    valzeevalzee member

    Dear LO,

    I love it when you make my entire belly roll, but could you please give it a rest during meetings? You just freaked out my boss.

    Sincerely,

    Your loving incubator 

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    imageitalnprncss78:

    Dear MIL,

    I hope you enjoy your Hawaii vacation 1 week before I am due because DH and I are going to do everything possible to make sure that baby comes while you are not here so all your selfishness will show through to the entire family. (Not that they don't already know.)

    Aloha!

    Cristina

    lol.... I love this one! :) 

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    Dear GM,

    I'm sorry that you have this weird need to hold power over every person in the building, but when I didn't rush to your office after you asked to see me it was not a snub to your tiny ego. In fact, I had to pee. And then I forgot that you asked to see me. My bad.

    Sincerely,

    Your annoyed, yet groveling employee


    My Heart!
    image

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    imagesolsburyhill:

    Dear FB friends with babies,

    I know you think your baby is the cutest, but seriously all the Vote for my baby in Gerber's contest requests are getting out of control!  Every other mom of a baby also thinks she has the cutest baby.

    Sincerely,

    the woman who's baby really will be the cutest!

      Stick out tongue  kidding!

     YES!!!

    I'd like to forward this on to all the mamas out there who feel the need to update their status and pictures 15 times a day with what Jr is doing at that half hour. Your kid is cute... I got it, thanks!


    My Heart!
    image

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    imagelmjt:

    Dear Really Annoying Girl on Facebook,

    Please edit yourself, or just shut up already. Just because someone posts something does not mean you are required to reply at all, never mind with long, annoying paragraphs of nothingness. Additionally, no one gives a sh!t about every move you make during the day.

    Sincerely,

    Lisa the Grouch. 

    Hmmmm, now WHO could you be talking about? Wink


    My Heart!
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    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker BabyFruit Ticker
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    Dear Annoying Neighbor,

    Please remove your propane grill from the front of your house.  You have a perfectly good backyard to grill in, you look like trash grilling at your front door.  I also don't appreciate that you're operating a propane grill 2 feet from where my car is parked. 

    While we're at it, keep your dog off our property.  You're insulting my intelligence when you tell me that the pile of s#^t that I almost stepped in on my driveway was a stray cat and couldn't have been your precious mutt.  I had cats for the better part of my younger life and they don't just do their business out in the open on blacktop.  If you actually cared about that dog, you'd get off your lazy a$$ and take her for a walk or perhaps to a dog park instead of just tying her to the banister and making her sit in the front yard for hours on end. 

    And if it's not too much to ask, when she does happen to do her business on your property, you should still clean it up.  The stench and the flies surrounding decaying piles of crap is just disgusting. 

    Sincerely,

    Your fed up neighbor

     

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    Dear Sales Manager,

    Please step back already. All those jokes I've been making about your crowding me when I'm taking up more space are my apparently too subtle attempt to let you know you are in my space, This includes when I'm showing you something on my computer. Your belly should NEVER be hanging over my shoulder. EVER!

    Also, you smell. It may not be so horrible in general but I am pregnant and the combination of pot breath and cologne is enough to make me want to die. Literally die.

    Sincerely,

    linzica

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    Dear colon, please stop taking my poo hostage.

    Sincerely, Jaye

    ...
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    I'm really laughing out loud at some of these - particularly windsongs and italianprincess!! 

    Mine is quite simple:

    Dear New Boss,

    Please jump off a bridge.  A very tall one, with sharp rocks and raging water underneath it.

    Sincerely,
    Blue

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    Oh these are funnnnny.:)

     

    Dear boss,

    You are 5 years older than me. You seriously cannot have that many "life lessons" to bestow on me. Get over yo-self.

    Sincerely,

    Natalie

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    imageitalnprncss78:

    Dear MIL,

    I hope you enjoy your Hawaii vacation 1 week before I am due because DH and I are going to do everything possible to make sure that baby comes while you are not here so all your selfishness will show through to the entire family. (Not that they don't already know.)

    Aloha!

    Cristina

    Classic!  I love it!  My MIL is going on a European cruise in late September.  In her defense, when she found out my due date, she did change their departure date from the 22nd to the 29th (I'm due on the 18th) but she crossed the line when she asked DH to call my doctor to see if they would induce me if I was a week late before she would move the date. 

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    imageTeamJAS:

    Dear colon, please stop taking my poo hostage.

    Sincerely, Jaye

    Nat this was a fab idea! I am really laughing like crazy.

    Jaye...LOVE this one!

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    Dear Teenage Surburbanites,

    I know it is, like, totally awesome to, like, ride the Metra downtown and go to the beach, but for the love of God, PUT SOME DAMN CLOTHES ON! Bathing suits and a towel as a cover up are acceptable only at the beach, not on the train.

    Sincerely,

    The girl that doesn't want to see your asss hanging out.

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    imageTeamJAS:

    Dear colon, please stop taking my poo hostage.

    Sincerely, Jaye

    Haha, love this one!
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    Dear ankles, please stop being swollen. It is extremely embarrassing to look like I have cankles.

    Sincerely,

    Amie

    Baby Boy born 9/10/11 BFP 6/26/12
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    Dear Mother,

    It would be nice if you to return my calls and texts. I know that you are bitter because I am ruining your 5th camping trip of the year by having a baby when I am, but you have been telling me since day 1 you would be getting a crib for LO. We have no problems getting it ourselves, but that would probably just piss you off more. We are around 10 weeks away and it would be nice to have the crib up before delivery day. Also thanks for the petty bitterness and procrastination genes.

    sincerely, your loving and fed up daughter

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    imageitalnprncss78:

    Dear MIL,

    I hope you enjoy your Hawaii vacation 1 week before I am due because DH and I are going to do everything possible to make sure that baby comes while you are not here so all your selfishness will show through to the entire family. (Not that they don't already know.)

    Aloha!

    Cristina

    I love your spitefulness, totally deserved.
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    imagewindsongs:

     

    *please forgive my judgmental, crappy attitude- it's not me, it's the hormones...I swear* :)

    I don't believe you're judgmental or have a crappy attitude!  I've come to the conclusion that most people on the subway have their heads inserted squarely in their backsides.  On a very crowded train last night, a man who had his bags taking up two seats while he stood, offered to move said bags so I could sit.  Gee, how nice that your bags could move for a pregnant woman!  I declined since it was only one stop.  Once the doors closed, I realized why he had offered me the seat as he started in on his speech to the whole train about how he lost his job last week and needed money to keep the electricity on.  It's only fair to offer up the seats your bags are taking up when you're about to ask for money.  Would be a sad story, except I've heard the exact same story from this exact same guy at least 10 times in the past year. 

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    imagelmjt:

    Dear Really Annoying Girl on Facebook,

    Please edit yourself, or just shut up already. Just because someone posts something does not mean you are required to reply at all, never mind with long, annoying paragraphs of nothingness. Additionally, no one gives a sh!t about every move you make during the day.

    Sincerely,

    Lisa the Grouch. 

    I totally agree with this, since youve pointed it out to us its become SERIOUSLY annoying! 

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    imageBlueEyedBoyMeetsABrownEyedGirl:

    Dear New Boss,

    Please jump off a bridge.  A very tall one, with sharp rocks and raging water underneath it.

    Sincerely,
    Blue

    HA!!!  Ditto this!!!

    bumping from my phone. please pardon any typos and missing punctuation
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    Dear MIL & FIL,

    You actually can care less about our boys then your grandaughters. It's obvious. The only time you show up to events that we host are Thanksgiving and Christmas breakfast. Realisticly, my kids do not need you guys, but out of the equality we are raising our children to understand we try to include you in everything. Thanks so much for ignoring my sons birthday all day yesterday and at 8:30pm randomly showing up at my house to say Happy Birthday when he has already left to stay with his grandmother who drove 25+minutes just to bring him a homemade cake. He doesn't need your stupid $50 as a birthday present. Seriously, put some thoughts into your plans. Also, don't make excuses right away as to why you won't be at his birthday bbq on Sunday evening when you have NOTHING else to do!!

    Sincerely your fed up daughter in law who is on the verge of moving far away to not have to deal with you at all!!

    Lilypie First Birthday tickers Photobucket
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    Dear annoying cubemate,

    Please stop clearing your throat every 20 minutes.  Also, please stop cutting your finger nails.  The sound is making me nauseous.  If you keep it up I may just go over and vomit on your desk.  How I cannot wait till Monday to move away from you.

    Sincerely,
    Me

    imageimageBaby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

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    This is very similuar to PP sorry, but I feel the same ( :

    Dear MIL,

    I hope you enjoy your trip to Mississippi. I really hope that well you are down there LO decideds to come so I dont have to deal with you thinking that the baby is yours and you have to hog him from my family. I really am not looking forward to your input on how to raise MY child like you do with DD just because they are your grandchildren. There are many days I would love to  tell you to Kiss My Ass. Your just lucky im not a rude person!

    Sincerely

    Your "closet B@#$%" daughter in law ( : 

     

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    imageshelley1002:

    Dear annoying cubemate,

    Please stop clearing your throat every 20 minutes.  Also, please stop cutting your finger nails.  The sound is making me nauseous.  If you keep it up I may just go over and vomit on your desk.  How I cannot wait till Monday to move away from you.

    Sincerely,
    Me

     

    ohhhhh...gross!! Who does that?? 

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    Dear annoying coworker,

    Just because you have an ironic, Colonel Sanders mustache and went to a fancy lawschool, it does not make you a better attorney then me.  Actually, it makes you much worse, because I can still get twice as much done as you, while playing on TB all day.  If you stopped greasing your mustache for two minutes, maybe you could try to catch up to my awesomeness.  Oh and FYI, suspenders do not the man make.

    Sincerely,

    Mrs. K

     

    Dear person spitting into your plastic on the chinatown bus,

    Suck it up and hold it in until you get off the bus, that is just nasty.

    Sincerely,

    Mrs. K

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    imageermaderma:

    Dear Teenage Surburbanites,

    I know it is, like, totally awesome to, like, ride the Metra downtown and go to the beach, but for the love of God, PUT SOME DAMN CLOTHES ON! Bathing suits and a towel as a cover up are acceptable only at the beach, not on the train.

    Sincerely,

    The girl that doesn't want to see your asss hanging out.

    THANK YOU!!  I see this every day on my commute home from the city to the burbs... I get so annoyed.  Especially when they leave a pile of sand on the seats/floor when they leave.  Or when they barely make it to the train on time & then complain that there aren't 8 seats near each other, so they spread out throughout the car & then yell conversations to each other.  Huh?




       
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    dear cousin,

    please stop being a needy AW. dont ask for my advice on your douche boyfriend who treats you like crap then not listen to it. Im glad the kid turned out to look like him, but honestly im not sure its his. I hope he treats you better but we all know youre only with him because you really have no where else to go. Stop pretending to be my friend when its convenient for you.

    Love, your once best friend.

    Dear Aidan,

    I love you to pieces and Im sorry we annoyed you tryng to take your picture today but you dont need to take it out on my kidneys or whatever other painful organs areas you keep hitting. It really hurts! Thanks, kid.

    Love, your mommy!
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    Dear SD,

    Please make up your mind about this baby. Either help me out or get the hell out of our lives. Seeing me twice since I've been pregnant and calling once a week (maybe) is BS. I don't appreciate you ending our relationship when you found out I was pregnant, asking me to abort my baby, pushing me to up her up for adoption, telling me that my daughter will have a crap life without you and telling me at six months pregnant that you regret having had sex with me (baby or not). And by the way, drop the "I'm a devoted Christian" BS act. Oh, the reason you're known as SD is because you are just that, a sperm donor! Have a nice day a**hole!

     Sincerely,

    One Fired Up Mama-To-Be

     

    *Dang! That felt good! That's for the posting idea!

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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    Dear Boss,

     I like you, most of the time, but for gosh sakes, when you enter my cube, please do not sit on my desk and pull your knees up to your chest so that your feet (with shoes) are all over my desk.  Where is the Lysol when I need it?  Also, you make over $100K per year, you are single, and I know you do not have debt.  Take yourself shopping and quit dressing in hodge podge pieces that don't fit you from the thrift store.  Put yourself together.  Oh, and the excuse that you have to wear the black New Balance tennis shoes everyday bc of your orthotics is getting really old.  They make specialized shoes for those.  Invest in some.

    Your-pregnant-worker-who-still-manages-to-pull-herself-together-for-work,

    Mary

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    ac5008ac5008 member

    Dear Dunkin Donuts,

    Stop. Just stop.

    I know you?re delicious. There is no doubt that you offer me a plethora of delights I just cant get at home. But, the fact is, Im a married woman and I HAVE to stop driving by you at night, looking online at your wares, and losing sleep at night thinking of excuses I can make to see you again. We have to end this.

    Love, Me

    ALSO

    Dear Fort Lewis friends,

    I pretend Im really awesome in my new life here, but the reality is I miss you all so much that it hurts. I dont want you to see that Im really lonely at our new station because I dont want you to feel bad for me - but every time I see you post new things on Facebook I want to cry because I wish I was there. Im so grateful to have such amazing friends, I just wish I could kick the Army in its butt for taking us away from them when I needed them most.

    Love, Lonely @ Fort Stewart  

    Love is multiplied: DS #1: 1.5.99 ~ DS #2: 9.23.11 ~ DD 8.29.13

    m/c 11/12/12 - sleep tight baby bean.

    Bitty Baby #4, please stick around - we already love you so very much!

    Ultrasound 11/4 - TWO HEARTBEATS!!!

    BabyFruit Ticker

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    imageTeamJAS:

    Dear colon, please stop taking my poo hostage.

    Sincerely, Jaye

     

    I so agree with this one!

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Daisypath Anniversary tickers
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    Dear Husbands family,

    Please kindly go eff yourselves.

    Sincerely,

    Sister in law.

    Simple and sweet.Stick out tongue

    That felt nice, thanks.


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