Stressing about my Baby Shower.... looks like I'm doing it myself...

love4penelope

I had a friend and my SIL both ask me several months ago about what I want at a baby shower. I decided to get the two together so that I would not end up with multiple showers. I?ve tried 3 different times to get all 3 of us together but it just never happened. I was finally able to sit down with my SIL and go over a few things. The shower is set for August 13^th?. We?re now in July and she has not even mentioned anything about the shower since we last talked about it. Is it wrong for me to be upset about the fact that it looks like my DH and I will be doing our own shower?? DH and I have been going to different stores to check out favors, decorations, invitations and games for the shower. We started to buy a few things and my SIL hasn?t done a single thing?. I know SIL is not so great financially, who is??!! But if you know you can't do it - why would you offer?? 

wendyll64

 If the dates all set, why stress? don't they just tell you where to show up?

jonnygurl76

why would you assume they aren't doing your shower?  maybe they are keeping things secret?  i would never throw my own shower.

ashleighlynn0812

Not to sound like a b!tch, but your shower is more than a month away. Why are you complaining that she hasn't gotten decorations and stuff already? My mother and sister JUST started planning and buying things for my shower and its on July 24th. Invitations were sent out Saturday. 

I wouldn't over analyze anything right now. I'm sure she's planning things. Maybe you can give her an address list for invites? Offer help, but don't take charge of it. Like I said, its more than a month away. You have plenty of time for your SIL to get things started.

HappyAardvark

jonnygurl76:

why would you assume they aren't doing your shower?  maybe they are keeping things secret?  i would never throw my own shower.

Right?  

Why don't you have your dh pick up the phone and make sure things are still coming along as planned for 8/13 and ask SIL if there's anything else she needs from your end to help pull it off, if you're so stressed? 

love4penelope

Wow - that was quick!!!!! 

I'm stressing because she hasn't even asked me about the list of people to invite. We never discussed the "list". The only people she would be able to invite from the list would be the ones in their family. She does not have anything on my family or other friends.  

akabillups

I understand your frustration. I have only had my mom and MIL say they wanted to throw me one but nothing has been said or done yet. I am not stressing because if it happens great! If not, oh well. I don't wanna breathe down someones neck about throwing me a shower.

love4penelope

that's how I feel - if she offered, I shouldn't have to remind her about things. the thing is this is DH's first baby so he's really involved and wants to make sure I get what I want. I want to just let it go and see what happens the day of. I guess if nothing happens there's still time to do one in September. 

I guess I'm getting all upset about it because I have a feeling it's going to be my "birthday" episode all over again.... We usually have a bbq for everyone's birthday in the family, well, when mine came around DH thought his mother, sister and brother took care of getting the meat and stuff for the bbq. he had to fix his mom's brakes so i thought that was the "excuse" to go there - come to find out he was really going there to do the brakes and i guess the mom and sister forgot all about it - all I got were birthday cards and i think they grabbed a cake while we were on our way there. 

 

weddingbells2010

You do NOT, under any circumstances, throw your own shower.  If other people have already offered to do it, and you've even discussed dates with that person, there's no reason to believe things aren't getting done.  Some people still like showers to be a surprise- they are not obligated to fill you in on every detail.  You are not supposed to be part of the planning committee.

blue_angeleyes06

If it were me I would either have DH get ahold of your SIL or just send her the address' of the people you want to invite and a little note saying, "not sure if you had this information so I thought I'd send it to you for the shower invites."  This way it serves as a reminder and hopefully she'll get back to you with some answers about your shower.

mdrswedding

Try to go with the flow.  Hopefully they will follow through with the shower but if they don't I wouldn't recommend throwing your own shower.  

LauriJean_2009

1)  Do not throw your own shower.  It's just not acceptable.

2)  Don't wait to be asked for addresses. It's assumed that you will provide the guest list so get it together and give it to them

3)  Wait patiently.  If a shower never happens, unfortunately, that is life.  If it's your husband's sister, he should speak with her but not get involved.   Is there anyone else in his family he can speak to as well?  Just to make sure things don't get forgotten?

I know it sucks and I hope that they haven't gotten lazy about it.  But  it's not your job to do it. 

Junebug060609

ashleighlynn0812:

Not to sound like a b!tch, but your shower is more than a month away. Why are you complaining that she hasn't gotten decorations and stuff already? My mother and sister JUST started planning and buying things for my shower and its on July 24th. Invitations were sent out Saturday. 

I wouldn't over analyze anything right now. I'm sure she's planning things. Maybe you can give her an address list for invites? Offer help, but don't take charge of it. Like I said, its more than a month away. You have plenty of time for your SIL to get things started.

I completely agree...right down to my shower being on the 24th and thinking shower invites went out this week (Don't know for sure, am putting my trust in those throwing the shower to make it happen). 

If they haven't asked for an invite list, go ahead and offer one up (if nothing else it could serve as a reminder if they've gotten caught up in their own lives).  Don't throw your own shower though.  If people want to send you gifts, they will...throwing your own shower is tacky.

rkto

I agree - you cannot throw your own shower. sorry I also agree that getting your husband to talk to SIL about the shower is a good way to avoid being a fussy new Mommy. 

And, maybe your SIL is only inviting people from her family because she can only afford a small shower?

WOuld you think your Mom would be invited? or other close friend? If yes, you could ask them to call/email SIL and offer help

karinothing

I am sorry that you are frustrated, but you really can't throw your own shower. It is not polite.

I honestly believe in being direct. I would contact SIL and say "hey just wanted to make sure the shower is still on and wanted to know what the best way was to send you the guest list"

Sarahbear621

love4penelope:

that's how I feel - if she offered, I shouldn't have to remind her about things. the thing is this is DH's first baby so he's really involved and wants to make sure I get what I want. I want to just let it go and see what happens the day of. I guess if nothing happens there's still time to do one in September. 

Unfortunately as this is a shower that is thrown for you -it might not be your dream shower and meet all your expectations.  However you should be content with what you get.  I think it is really rude to basically say it is not good enough for you or what you want. 

KathleenCB

If your SIL is stuggling financially, she may not have the means to invite everyone on your list.  She may be throwing you a small shower.  But yes communicate with her and find out if there is anything she needs from you.

FabulousMrs.P

Have your DH give her a call to see how the plans are coming together.

Soon2BMrsSikes

Ditto PP's on maybe just sending her a guest list as a little reminder. But do NOT, under any circumstances, throw your own shower. That is so tacky. My guess is if you try to throw your own shower, no one will come, because they will be so turned off by the idea.

Liz4444

Do not throw your own shower!  If your friend and SIL don't have the funds, they may only want to invite a small number of people, even if it's only family, that is their right as hosts.  You should not be involved in any of the planning unless they ask, just sit back and wait for them to tell you where to go. 

You knew when you accepted their offer to throw you the shower how they handle parties based on what you said about your birthday bbq.  You cannot be upset because they are acting how you expected them to, you could have just turned down their offer or had them make 2 seperate showers as they intended.