UPDATE: In bedtime Hell. - venting

Smuches4u

I don't know what changed or how we even got here, but every night is complete hell.

Our routine isn't different.  Bath every other night, book time, solo cuddle time with each parent, then goodnights.

Recently that's all changed, because DC has started hitting, kicking and throwing his bedtime friends at us.  We remove the things from his room, take away book time, and even gone so far as to take away cuddles.  He runs out of the room.  We send him back.  Eventually he calms enough to earn back his things with pleasant behavior.

Tonight was two rounds.  I've had it.  I don't know what else to do.  Bed time is hell for all of us and tonight, I'm so upset I'm willing to let my boy cry himself to sleep.

***UPDATE***

I went crying to DH before I myself fell off to sleep.

We laid out all the things that seemed to work well for DC and all the things that don't & I think we have a solid plan.  The most obvious benefit for DC at bedtime is getting one on one attention, which works out well for the next few days cause DH is leaving tonight for a business trip.  It also takes out the factor of DC playing DH & I against each other.

The plan is to start an earlier bedtime.  Beginning with getting changed, bathroom, teeth brushed and story time in a quiet living room (the almost immediate transition to the bedroom seems to be a problem).  Once story time is over, he gets to choose who goes with him to the bedroom, if anyone at all, for lights out.  Once lights are out, he can have 5 min of cuddle time with each of us individually if he chooses, but once those 10 min are up, that's it.  No going back, no coming out, no calling (unless to go potty).  Reward charts also work well for DC, so for every night this goes smoothly (no hitting, kicking, throwing, or running out) he will earn $1 to spend how he chooses (McDonalds, ToysRUs, Hobby Town, etc).

tiki_t

What about adding some calming music? That works for my wild monkeys. It sounds like he's overly tired? Have you thought of making his bed time earlier? I know it is hard with the sun going down later. 

lukaface

Big hugs!  I was totally there a couple of weeks ago.  It was hell and I ended up crying every night.  It had been going on for three weeks and I knew all of her needs were met and she was literally throwing a temper tantrum every night so we finally just held the door knob and let her cry.  I cried along with her.  She finally crawled into bed and fell asleep.  The next night-no more tantrum and she went back to her dream baby self.  Whatever you decide to do, good luck and huge big sympathetic hugs from me.  

 

Smuches4u

I know developmentally it's him trying to assert himself and blow off steam at the same time.  I just don't know how to manage it so we can all have peaceful goodnights again.

Add to that DH & I aren't consistant between the two of us and it's literally a zoo.

dblhappiness

Hmm...when we first had our awful bedtimes with A, it was similar to what you just described. In the beginning he hated bedtime. He'd get all upset, run around screaming and throwing stuff and everyone would end up in tears. So at first we started just changing one thing. It was only doing warm baths, straight to pjs, brush teeth and pick out one book. We gave him the option of choosing and then constant warnings for when lights out was approaching. He didn't like it but it helped shorten the meltdowns. Then as we had to tweak even more, we had to choose a different spot in the house to do bedtime stories. They loved picking their corner in the bedroom or cozy spot on the couch. Then moving from stories to lights out went MUCH easier. When we still have our moments, I tell him he can cuddle with mommy or daddy but he has to calm down. If he doesn't calm down within a certain time frame, we leave. He doesn't get either of us for at least 5 minutes...we go back in and ask him if he's ready to go to bed, if he answers yes and then continues, we leave again but don't go back until longer periods of time. He knows that he can get someone to keep coming back if he yells and screams so we try not to give in. It's so hard...I hope you guys find a groove that works. 

jsugrin

Awww big hugs.  We have so, so been there.  In fact most of Andrew's life bedtime has been a struggle and the pleasant nights are so glorious.  We recently had a really bad patch again and one night I said eff this, you go to sleep when you want to.  Now we co-sleep and often bedshare so this may not work for anyone else but hey I'm always open to suggestions so I'll share.

When he didn't want to sleep I finally told him, fine you can read your books but I am going to sleep.  As long as you stay on your bed and are quiet you can read as long as you like and if you want to climb in bed with mama when you are read to sleep than you may.

He shocked the hell out me by quietly reading for about 10 min, reaching up and turning out his light and then coming in bed with me.  He gave me a sweet kiss, wispered " goodnight mama, I love you", cuddled up and was asleep in seconds.  Ever since then we given him some of that alone time to read if he wants it and only once has it gone on a rediculous amount of time, other than that he usually takes about 10 minutes to read on his own and then turns off the light.  Sometimes he stays on his bed and goes to sleep alone, sometimes he calls for one of us to lay with him and sometimes he climbs into our bed but once that light it out he's out in less than 30 seconds.  The routine has literally changed our lives.

I don't know if it would work with Mason, to do your regular routine and then tell him that if he's not ready to sleep that he may read quietly in bed and then turn off the light when he's ready (if he likes you to lay with him to actually fall asleep then he could call or pop his head out and let you know he's ready) but if he gets up or he makes noise than the light goes off and he had to go to sleep.

I swear, I never thought MY child was capable of this but giving him that bit of control was all he needed.  He has also gone from waking up his entire life no later than 6:30 (and that was a treat) to waking up around 8ish .  We always had to fight to get him to bed because we knew that no matter what time he went to sleep he'd wake up at 6ish and it would be hell.

Anyway, I hope that you guys find something that works for you soon because there is nothing worse than ending the day with a crappy power struggle (that of course you lose because let's me honest, we lose them all don't we).  I hope tomorrow night is better.

futrkingsley

jsugrin:

Awww big hugs.  We have so, so been there.  In fact most of Andrew's life bedtime has been a struggle and the pleasant nights are so glorious.  We recently had a really bad patch again and one night I said eff this, you go to sleep when you want to.  Now we co-sleep and often bedshare so this may not work for anyone else but hey I'm always open to suggestions so I'll share.

When he didn't want to sleep I finally told him, fine you can read your books but I am going to sleep.  As long as you stay on your bed and are quiet you can read as long as you like and if you want to climb in bed with mama when you are read to sleep than you may.

He shocked the hell out me by quietly reading for about 10 min, reaching up and turning out his light and then coming in bed with me.  He gave me a sweet kiss, wispered " goodnight mama, I love you", cuddled up and was asleep in seconds.  Ever since then we given him some of that alone time to read if he wants it and only once has it gone on a rediculous amount of time, other than that he usually takes about 10 minutes to read on his own and then turns off the light.  Sometimes he stays on his bed and goes to sleep alone, sometimes he calls for one of us to lay with him and sometimes he climbs into our bed but once that light it out he's out in less than 30 seconds.  The routine has literally changed our lives.

I don't know if it would work with Mason, to do your regular routine and then tell him that if he's not ready to sleep that he may read quietly in bed and then turn off the light when he's ready (if he likes you to lay with him to actually fall asleep then he could call or pop his head out and let you know he's ready) but if he gets up or he makes noise than the light goes off and he had to go to sleep.

I swear, I never thought MY child was capable of this but giving him that bit of control was all he needed.  He has also gone from waking up his entire life no later than 6:30 (and that was a treat) to waking up around 8ish .  We always had to fight to get him to bed because we knew that no matter what time he went to sleep he'd wake up at 6ish and it would be hell.

Anyway, I hope that you guys find something that works for you soon because there is nothing worse than ending the day with a crappy power struggle (that of course you lose because let's me honest, we lose them all don't we).  I hope tomorrow night is better.

Wow, J, this is amazing to read.

Original J, I'm sorry you had a rough night and are in a rough patch.  Our boy is similar to yours and to Andrew.  He struggles mightily to go to sleep most nights I'd say.  It can drive us all crazy and it's just not how I want to end my day either.  I hope you find something that works for you to get you all out of the funk. Sending hugs your way.