? for Bradley mamas - how did DH do as your coach?

tiffyspiffy1012

Hi Ladies!  My DH and I have completed the Bradley Method class and are continuing to work on the relaxation/massage techniques up until our delivery.  I feel like I have to push DH to practice with me, and feel as if he views our practice sessions as a chore, rather than as something that serves a critical purpose.  I'm getting concerned that he won't be able to support my needs when the big day comes, and wondered if any of you had any stories of inspiration you could provide.  TIA!

joyclara

did you tell your husband this? maybe he will understand and change his attitude. we only read the book and didn't even practice but he just naturally took over the coach role when it was showtime.

tiffyspiffy1012

I talked to my hubby about this last night, and he is concerned that he is letting me down.  Hopefully he will come around now that he really understands my feelings and concerns.  My Bradley teacher told us that the practices are meant to acquaint me and DH with techniques that will instantly put me into a state of relaxation, and we definitely haven't achieved that yet.  I feel as if he simply goes through the motions when we practice, as if he's checking that chore off his to-do list, and not practicing them in the way he would actually do them when the big day arrives.  Hopefully since we spoke about this last night, he'll start taking it more seriously and help me gain confidence in his abilities. 

ashg8r

DH was like this sometimes when we practiced when pregnant with #1, but when it came time for the real deal he was very focused and really got me through the whole thing.  This time, he keeps saying we need to practice, and I keep putting it off - we're having a HB, so I feel so much more relaxed, and even excited about the birth, and keep thinking everything will just fall into place once I go into labor.  Also, I had about a 8 hour labor with DD, so keep thinking/hoping that this time will be even shorter!

autumnbaby2010

He did not do great. LOL.  Being the buffer / go-to-person in the beginning when answering ??'s, signing papers, fetching birth plan, etc.  - awesome. But actual coaching - pitiful. I know I yelled at him "no, not there!" when he was pressing my back during contrax and then I pretty much remember him sitting in the chair watching me labor w/ the midwife's help the rest of the time (very short but intense labor though). He later said that I'd told him a few times he was doing stuff wrong so he just gave up & let her help.

All that to say, he was very active in the classes & home practices, but I wish I emphasized reminding him to ignore my anger, pain, etc. and keep redirecting me & trying techniques. My MW did suggest some positions, but they hurt even more so I rocked & moaned on the birth ball most of the time. I remember kicking myself weeks later going over the Bradley handouts & all the positions that seemed like they'd be perfect for laboring but we never got to try b/c a certain someone got his feelings hurt. 

FyshWyfe

It's so hard to say how it's going to go.  My DH was a caring and gentle practice coach, and I had the utmost confidence in him.  But when the time came, I didn't want anyone touching me.  The poor guy spent 20 hours sitting next to me in a shower, holding a glass of juice, and putting the straw to my lips between ctx.  Every now and then (maybe once an hour??) he'd whisper something encouraging.  It sounds like he was out of it, but really it was perfect.  I was so inwardly focused that I didn't need more than that, but somehow he sensed when I was feeling shaky and would say something like, "You're just as strong as you were at the start," and I would instantly regroup.  

Talk to your DH about your fears, and make sure he knows that you're going to need him to tune in to you during your labor.  You are also going to need to vocalize your needs to him in turn.  If you never tell him you need help, he won't know.  

Erica92

My husband wasn't much involved in the practicing or the classes or anything BUT when it came down to it he was a ROCK. He helped me thru every contraction and was SUCH a huge comfort (until I got to transition when there really wasn't anything anyone could do to bring any type of comfort).

Anyway- we hired a doula who ended up doing NOTHING b/c my DH was so supportive and "there for me"

So just my 2 cents that just b/c he's not into the exercises he may very well be a GREAT coach when it's truly time. Practicing isn't really a male trait but most in the moment step up

cyprissa

My DH was great at practice but only so, so as a coach. He froze up a bit in the moment and couldn't remember a lot of different techniques, only the ones that we practiced a lot. He ended up moping my brow with cool compresses, being verbally encouraging and massaging/stroking my hands and face to help me relax. My midwife and birth assistant did the all the counter pressure and back rubbing and I dictated the positions I took.

I had a really short, intense labor and I think that freaked DH out a little. It literally hit me like a freight train. It was 6 hours from start to finish and I dilated from 2-10 in less than 2 hours. So, ouch!!!

Anniee1963

My DH was really into learning as much as he could during the classes, and was very into it. When it came time to the actual birth he didn't really do much coaching at all. He was very into timing the contractions but when we got to the hospital, it was almost as if he forgot what he was supposed to do! Our mothers came to the hospital while I was in labor and he spent quite a bit of time chatting with them. The only thing I can really remember being helpful was him stroking my forearm when contractions were really intense towards the end, which gave me something to focus on.
Although he didn't do the greatest as a coach when it came down to it, I do not regret for a second taking those classes. We both learned so much about different situations, and I am pretty sure I wouldn't have been able to do it without intervention otherwise. It is great to be so informed!

cros8380

Hello,

I fee like I could have written this about me and DH! I felt like he didn't take the practice seriously, but he always said "don't worry, I will be great when the time comes". Either way I pushed him to practice and eventually, as due date came closer, he took me more seriously. Especially in the last 4 weeks when my body ached and the relaxation helped eased some of that (he started to see the value in the practice). When it came time to for actual labor and delivery (which was a marathon 28.5 hours) he was a MASTER! He was amazing. He remembered everything we learned (and in case he didn't I had the workbook out and ready to reference!) He had to try a few things before he found the right combo to help me relax (b/c practice IS different than the real thing) but when we figured it out, it was great. Just remember, he can't read your mind, so there may be a point when you have to tell him what you want. You'll be great. Even if DH isn't stellar, you are still learning so much and practicing and all that will help!

 

pixieprincss

DH was amazing, amazing, amazing over the course of my 60+ labor. That said, I recognized before delivery that even though he is SO supportive, guiding relaxation just was a struggle for him. I came prepared with MP3s to listen to. There are some on https://members.kaiserpermanente.org/redirects/listen/  and
Freehypnosisdownloads.com. I also wrote out specific scripts for him to read.