What would you do? — The Bump
2nd Trimester

What would you do?

So DH is being extremely stubborn about giving our little boy the name Isaac after his dad who passed away last year after suffering from cancer for a bit over a year. 

First of all I don't like this name at all, second of all when I last saw his dad he was 2 days before his death and that image is still in front of me when I am thinking of this name. I suggested using this name as a middle name, but no luck. I've suggested using the same letters but in a different name, again no luck. At this point I don't know what to do, he is being very stubborn and does not even want to look at other names. This baby needs a name and we can't agree on anything at all. His excuse is that, when DD was born we used a name of his grandma as a middle name (I disliked that name as well) and I am not really letting people call DD by that name. So now he wants first name to be Isaac and nothing else. I gave him over 25 different names that would have the same letters, but he is making fun of every single one and finds something wrong with them.

I don't know what to do and how to talk him into this. He's never been this stubborn about anything, but what drives me crazy is that I really hate this name. If it'll be any other name I would not mind as much, but I just can't even imagine calling my little boy this name.  

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Re: What would you do?

  • Somehow he needs to compromise since it sounds like he got his way w/ your 1st baby name. I think it is really sweet he wants to name the baby after his dad, but needs to put it as a middle name since you are so opposed to it. I really have no advice, maybe a counselor could help? Or a sit down serious come to Jesus talk w/ him? GL!
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  • I'm sorry. Really be patient. After all, his dad died, and not that long ago at that. I'm not overly fond of the MN we're using for DD, but it's DH's mom's name, and she died from cancer when he was 16. It's that important to him. The only thing I can suggest is let it be for a while and bring it up closer to the due date. He knows what other names you like, give him time to come around to that. Other than that, just remember honoring his father like that is equally important to him as your dislike of the name is to you.

    Again, I'm sorry your in that situation. 

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  • Just my opinion, but as an outsider weighing him wanting to name is son after is late father and you "not liking the name" - I'd have to side with him. If I were in the same position I'd give in regardless of how awful I thought the name was, and Issac is not a terrible name (it's not like he wants to name him "Adolf" or something).

    If your issue is that you have the mental image of his dying father in your mind, maybe ask him to pull out a bunch of old pictures of his dad from when he was a kid and have him tell you stories of the time they spent together, etc. This could really help.  

    Obviously this is something that is really important to him - you say "he's never been this stubborn" so I think you know deep down this really means a lot to him. 

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  • From an outsider, I agree with him. My mom dies and we are using her first name as a middle name and my husband understood without any hesitation or conversations it was going to be any other way. He wants to honor his dad who died not too long ago. It sounds like its very important. I know how important it is to me to do this for my LO.
  • I really like the name and its VERY important to him... Some fights arnt worth fighting
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  • I agree with other posters....this may be a battle not worth fighting. It's a cute name and would mean a lot to your DH.
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  • I lost my mom two years ago and would have loved the opportunity to name our baby after her, but my brother beat me to it. I hate to say that I am with your husband on this one. I know you still have the image of your husband's father in your head but it is nothing compared to what your husband went through.
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  • I don't mean to sound anti-helpful, and I totally sympathize with you....BUT I it's my opinion that this isn't one of the things that the bump's going to be much help with.  Not that I think there's anything wrong with you asking, just I think the only way you're going to get your real answer is to let it play itself out with your husband.  I mean...we can tell you to just name the kid Isaac for the obvious reasons or we can tell you stand your ground....but in the end it's going to be about the dynamic of your relationship and only you guys know that.  My only real advice I guess is to let it rest for awhile and then revisit it calmly when you've both had a chance to mull it over.  You may get a new perspective in the process or he may....either way when you revisit it try not to make it a fight make it a discussion ...Good luck, and remember the kid's got to end up with some kind of name....I'd love to know what you end up naming the baby :)

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  • I like the name Isaac, I think its nice and not too common. The thing is that it is important to your husband. Its not very often a child gets a meaningful name and I think that is what is important.
  • I agree with the PP in letting the issue drop for a while...  The name has to be something both of you can ultimately agree on. 

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  • Remember too that if your child has the name, he will be the first one to come to your mind when you think "Isaac," not the image of the dying man.

    All in all, I would consider giving this one in to him.

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  • image b.heather:

    Just my opinion, but as an outsider weighing him wanting to name is son after is late father and you "not liking the name" - I'd have to side with him. If I were in the same position I'd give in regardless of how awful I thought the name was, and Issac is not a terrible name (it's not like he wants to name him "Adolf" or something).

    If your issue is that you have the mental image of his dying father in your mind, maybe ask him to pull out a bunch of old pictures of his dad from when he was a kid and have him tell you stories of the time they spent together, etc. This could really help.  

    Obviously this is something that is really important to him - you say "he's never been this stubborn" so I think you know deep down this really means a lot to him. 

    I agree.

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  • I actually like the name and have to side with DH.  If I was in this situation, I'd understand the importance, especially since his father's passing was so recent.  I'm also putting myself in his shoes and would absolutely want to name my child after one of my parents because we are so close.

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  • Make Isaac the middle name! You're still remembering his father and its a good compromise. See if he'd go with that. You can pick the first name :)
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  • It sounds like you are both being equally stubborn.  Your last memory might be of a dying man, but your DH has a lifetime of wonderful memories of a great father.  He want to honor his father and those memories. I can understand that you don't like the name right now, but maybe you can grow to like it.  Try it out for a few weeks and call your bump by the name.  That is what we do when we are contemplating a name.  It is amazing how quickly a name grows on you when you are actually calling your baby/bump by the name.

    FWIW, I like the name Issac. 

     

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  • vspekvspek
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    image mydinkdom:
    From an outsider, I agree with him. My mom dies and we are using her first name as a middle name and my husband understood without any hesitation or conversations it was going to be any other way. He wants to honor his dad who died not too long ago. It sounds like its very important. I know how important it is to me to do this for my LO.
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  • vspekvspek
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    image mydinkdom:
    From an outsider, I agree with him. My mom dies and we are using her first name as a middle name and my husband understood without any hesitation or conversations it was going to be any other way. He wants to honor his dad who died not too long ago. It sounds like its very important. I know how important it is to me to do this for my LO.

    I do see your point and have no issues with using it as a middle name. I have an issue with using it as a first name.

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  • I think you are being stubborn. Maybe you should give in one this one. There's really no compromise on naming your son after your DH's father - it's yes or no. And I'm siding with him - it's a perfectly fine name and he has strong reasons for using it and your reasons for not using it seem to be outweighed.
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  • vspekvspek
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    well, his thing is that we named DD after my grandpa and he did not put up a fight, but when I suggested a name I used only the girst letter of my grandpa's name for DD's first name and we used his grandma's name as her middle name.

    I suggested doing the same thing for this baby and offered to name him Illan. (this way we are keeping 2 letters and it's a nice name) or if he wants to use the whole name then have it as a middle name. He is refusing.

    At this point I just told him that he has two options we are either redoing the name a little bit and calling the baby Aizak David (we both love the name David) or we can do David Isaac. It's his choice at this point.

    No matter how much time I think about name Isaac and my baby it just does not work. I plain and simple hate the name. In addition to that I really can't stand my MIL and don't want to do a single nice thing to her and naming my baby after her husband would make her happy.

    She made my life miserable after he died to the point where I offered her to live with us and instead of her being thankful and helpful (because I had a 6 weeks old baby at a time) she was a total b**** where she would scream at when I would help her with something instead of saying thank you. It got to the point where she almost chocked me, so I said that she's got to leave my house. In addition to that she kept on constantly fighting with DH and taking his time away from DD.

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  • image b.heather:

    Just my opinion, but as an outsider weighing him wanting to name is son after is late father and you "not liking the name" - I'd have to side with him. If I were in the same position I'd give in regardless of how awful I thought the name was, and Issac is not a terrible name (it's not like he wants to name him "Adolf" or something).

    If your issue is that you have the mental image of his dying father in your mind, maybe ask him to pull out a bunch of old pictures of his dad from when he was a kid and have him tell you stories of the time they spent together, etc. This could really help.  

    Obviously this is something that is really important to him - you say "he's never been this stubborn" so I think you know deep down this really means a lot to him

    I really agree with this. If possible compromise on how it's going to be. If it's a first name you get to pick the middle name or vice versa. Maybe you're going off of your own feelings towards his dad and not his. Think about if the shoe was on the other foot what would you want him to do? Best of luck on your decision

  • vspekvspek
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    I would never ever use the same name of someone who died for my baby if the shoes were turned. I would use the first letter or couple of letters, but not the whole name. I believe in kid having it's individuality.
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  • wow, you are much more stubborn than YH!  you are ok w/ Alzac but not Isaac?? they are practically the same!  you are doing this to spite your MIL, like PP said , in turn you are hurting YH.   many many people name their kids after loved ones and it does not mean that child will not be an individual.   I would give up and do this for YH, sometimes in marriage you have to suck it up and be the bigger person.   it obviously means the world to him!! 
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  • It's obviously not the sound of the name you hate if you're considering Aizak (really??) and I think you are being ridiculous.  I agree with a PP who said your real colors are coming out with your biterness against  your MIL.  I think it's pretty childish and you should stop stomping your foot for a few minutes and seriously consider what your DH is asking.  

    I, like other PPs, side with your DH.  This is important to him and you said yourself he's not usually a stubborn person.  Find a way to make a compromise.

    ETA:  Also, you realize almost any name you give the child will have been used before on someone who is now dead.  That argument is ridiculous.  Your LO will still have his own personality and probably feel a great connection to the grandfather he never got to meet.  Get over yourself. 

    BTW Shoes don't turn.  The expression is if the tables were turned. 

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  •  My word. You are willing to name your poor child AIZAK but not Issac? All I can think of is the duck screaming 'AFLACK!'
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  • image JLS0320:
    Somehow he needs to compromise since it sounds like he got his way w/ your 1st baby name. I think it is really sweet he wants to name the baby after his dad, but needs to put it as a middle name since you are so opposed to it. I really have no advice, maybe a counselor could help? Or a sit down serious come to Jesus talk w/ him? GL!

    I agree. Your husband at the very least should be listening to your feelings on the matter - afterall, it's your baby too! 

     For what it's worth - I lost my dad (suddenly) in December - and while I always thought I would name my first son after my dad the timing just seems a little too soon to me (and to my DH) - so we both agreed that for this LO we wouldn't be going with my dad's name. Perhaps for the next one though. I think being able to discuss it openly and to both be open to compromise is key.  

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  • I disagree with most.  I don't care if you don't want to name your baby Issac because of you MIL, you don't like the name.  You have been trying to work with your DH so now he needs to give a little.

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  • I'm so sorry for your H's loss.  

    In this instance I would say that you should cave on the name. Your H is still hurting and missing his dad. Let him honor his dad in a meaningful way.

    Let's put it this way, are you going to boil over with resentment forever over it? If it is simply that you dislike the name, you could live with it-- then let him win this one. How upset would you be about it? For me that would not be the hill to die on, but you have to decide how important it is to you.

    Have a talk with your husband and ask him why it is so important to him (though it seems kind of obvious). Talk it out and see if there might be some form of compromise. Good luck. 

    ETA: I am amending my answer when I read what was posted before me. OP-- quit being a stubborn, selfish baby and name the kid after your FIL. It is completely unreasonable, immature, and down-right unexcusable that you would use your unborn kid to "punish" your MIL (and by extension your husband). You need to grow a pair. If you are willing to name your kid something close to Aflack (which I find ridiculous by the way) then get over yourself and name the kid Issac. Christ on a cracker!

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  • vspekvspek
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    I am not trying to punish anyone. I don't want to see her happy, but that's the lest of my issues. I gave my daughter middle name after my MIL's mom because DH wanted that. I was not thrilled about the name, but he wanted it, so I said fine as long as it's a middle name. 

    I hate my FIL's name even more. I've tried everything to compromise and I've even tried calling my bump Isaac, it just does not work. I am afraid that if he'll make me use the name then I would just resent him.

    Also, if he'd be nice about it and just ask and tried to persuade me I would've tried to cave in (and I am trying as is), but he is just being stubborn and starts yelling every time when I suggest something else.  

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