My Mom is a bit childish.She's done much over the years that I have suppressed and tried to forget, although I've had a tough time forgiving.
One example: She agreed to drive my car about an hour away (from where I lived to near where she lived) b/c I found a buyer there. I really needed the $. This was several years ago. She rear-ended someone on the way to her destination I never seen the damage, but it apparently just smooshed the hood (she hit a tow hitch). She told me about it. I cried b/c my money situation was so bad at the time. She basically ran off, left the car at my dad's house, took the DMV/transfer paperwork with her (she may have not thought about it) and went to the library. No one could reach her. Luckily this was a place my Mom frequented, and my Dad went and go the paperwork, meanwhile the guy who agreed to buy the car still wanted it, but with a significant discount, and he had to wait several hours b/c of my Moms disappearing act
I just wanted to give you a little background.
My sister is manic depressive. She was abusive to me. Although she was only 15 months older, she did cause damage. I was so incredibly passive and wouldn't hit her back, but would only block, and she would push, punch and kick for no reason at random times. She did many horrible things over the years. Although she is on lithium it does not control her manic bouts enough. My FI knew her in high school, and knows that she is crazy. He wants no connection with her. He told me not to talk to her on the phone, texting, email, or facebook. I put my foot down and told him that I will handle my family and contact with them in a way I see fit, and he can do the same with his. He agreed to this, but wants no face-to-face contact with my sister. Also no address given to her, which is fine by me. Now, back to my Mom, she keeps feeding bits of info to my sis. My Mom and I had a falling out in April, didn't talk until I was induced, and things are still a big stressed. I told her that my FI snapped at the baby once for rejecting her food. I had a few serious talks with him about this, and I feel that it's handled. I wish I hadn't of mentioned it to my Mom, but whats done is done. She told my sister, so I get text messages that I should leave my FI. Great. I had a straight to the point talk with my Mom that my sister cannot be given *any* info about me, and she agrees. Now skip to two weeks later, I have let my LO stay with her paternal Grandmother overnight. I know many Moms wouldn't allow it this young, but she lives so close and is so great with her, that I'm OK with it, and I don't expect judgement from anyone, especially my family. My sister reports to me that she knows I let her stay overnight with Gma, and that it's weird to be away from a newborn, and b/c she *tried* to get pregnant that is what makes her a 'different' type of Mom. Yeah yeah, I get it. She would miss her LO too much to let him leave her sight...yeah, yeah again. Idk what to do about my Mom? Cut off contact again? Keep her at arm's length? I've recently been told that it is a betrayal to discuss parenting & relationship issues with my FI's Mom, which was my only person to confide in, and now I am losing my Mother, as well
Any advice is welcome, but please no comments on my choices as a parent b/c it won't change my outlook. Baby is still going to her Gmas overnight every so often, and my FI is supportive of that. TIA.
Re: Tough Situation
I also have issues with my mom. She doesn't know what boundaries are, stole money from me at x-mas time, and is a crackhead. I mean, she really smokes crack. I have found that my life is so much better without her in it. I can't say if you should cut her off completely, but maybe just not trust her with any info. It;s nice to chit chat and shoot the breeze, but as far as how you parent your child and your relationship with DH, I would keep her as far away from those topics as possible. GL in whatever you decide to do, and I hope you can be at peace with that decision.
Erica & Justin
Parents of Ethan-4 Spencer-1 Peyton-3months
I'm so sorry you have to deal with this-- I don't have a ton of advice, but it seems like you have a great relationship with FI's mother-- don't let anyone ruin that for you-- not even your own family-- you NEED those other hands you trust with LO around for support.
Your mom I don't think you can do much but severely limit what you say to her-- I've had to do this with my sister-- years ago she was on heroin, and having my niece jumpstarted her recovery, but it hasn't been the easiest road. She does have our address, but I hate to say it, 9 years of being clean and we still hide money and credit cards when she's over, and she's not allowed to go in my parents house without someone there. You have to figure out your own rules for dealing with your own family sometimes to keep yourself and your baby safe and happy. Don't ever feel guilty about protecting YOUR family- they outrank the family you were born into.
Meantime-- lots of hugs!!! I tell people all the time, no matter how much sh*t hits the fan, its such a relief to have this group to talk to!!
I second this. My FI doesn't understand the support here. Just today, he was like "Why are you posting newborn pics on there?" and it was hard to articulate, but I really do feel we care about one another He thinks we come on here and ask to see if what we are experiencing is "normal," but it's more than that!
Thanks for the advice It's a brand new experience and it still shocks me..."I'm a MOM!" and readjusting my priorities comes somewhat naturally, but some also takes getting used to and a spelled out (at times out loud) thought process
I'm so sorry you are dealing with that :-( I don't really have any advice but I hope you can find a way to keep your mom in your life, even if it means you have to hold back a little on what you share with her for now. It's really not her place or your sisters to comment on your parenting. It sounds like you are doing a great job and try not to stress over their comments and unsolicited advice.
I have family members who are continuously critiquing decisions DH and I are making regarding parenting (for example, wanting to raise DD vegetarian) and it's hard when people don't get that it's not their place to say something.
For the sake of not repeating the same thing, I just bold printed because she said it so well. I'm so sorry you are going through this. My best advice is to always go with your gut. It almost always works for me. Good luck and I will be thinking about you!