Two Under 2
CaitlinJ22
member
If your DH travels a lot, or works odd hours....
CaitlinJ22
member
in Two Under 2
has his job dictated how many kids you want and their spacing? Meaning, if he was at home working regular hours, would you have more kids? would their spacing be different?
DH works offshore for 3 wks straight, and then is home for 3 wks. We love the time off and its VERY hard when he's gone--mainly emotionally for us. I handle things and yes its hard and tiring but I do it. I have people in my life that think I am nuts for wanting more kids with the job he does. Of course I am nervous to have more, but I don't feel like we are ready to stop having kids and we know his schedule won't change.
Does anyone else feel this way?
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Re: If your DH travels a lot, or works odd hours....
I hear a lot of the same comments as you. DH usually goes overseas for 2 weeks and then is home for 2-4 weeks. He does occasionally travel less, but that's not financially beneficial for us.
Right now while I'm pregnant with #3, if I happen to mention that I'm tired, a lot of family members say "What are you going to do when you have 3?" They're not understanding that a lot of my exhaustion right now is normal pregnancy stuff. My LO seems to have forgotten that this kind of exhaustion is supposed to occur in the first trimester.
We always planned on 2 or 3 kids. Ultimately, the final say was mine (not that DH was opposed) because I'm the primary care taker and DH wanted to know that I would be okay with 3 kids at home while he's away. Even when he is home, he doesn't come home until 7 or 8pm.
Do what feels right for your family. If you want more kids have more kids. No one else knows how things are in your family or what works best for you.
Thank you, its nice to know others understand. I agree with you, its up to us. We will have a 3rd (maybe a 4th) but it has been kinda up to me as well. (though I think if I said no to a 3rd, then Dh would be upset-but he would understand) We plan on #3, but I am trying to figure out timing as well. I dont want to rush, but I feel like if I get out of the baby stage with DD then it will be hard to go back. I think my life may be easier if DD was more like 2.5 when a new baby comes, but I guess its never really easy.
It has. I'm kind of on the fence about more. I do love having them close together... In order for DH to be home for the birth of #3, we'd have to try to get pg right before he left for his next deployment. That would give us 3u3, but I'm not sure that I can handle chasing two toddlers and being pregnant without any help. Getting pregnant after his deployment would mean that he would probably leave again for another deployment right after the birth of #3, which I don't love either. We could wait for #3 until he's back on shore duty, but then DDs will probably be 3.5 and 5 by the time #3 arrives. I'd feel that #3 would get left out because of the bigger spacing and then we'd have to do 2u2 again and have a 4th.
We have a few reasons for stopping at 2 - BUT DH working long hours isn't one of them. I've said this to you before...but I would LOVE if my DH had your DH's schedule. I am sure the three weeks with him away is very hard..but I consider it a much better situation than mine - where he usually only gets ONE day off a week...indefinitely.
The main reason for us is not having family close by...we just haven't found a sitter worth having around more and I just really wish our moms could help out more often.
I couldn't do more without help. We're choosing quality over quantity - haha!!!
Yes it does have its positives, so I am not complaining
I have my sister and her family nearby but she has 3 kids. Our parents arent here, but my parents want to in the next year or so....SO that may help us out.
Thanks for the input!
Yes, I think it does play into the decision making. Will it be the FINAL decision maker? Probably not. But it definitely factors into the pros and cons.
DH is military. Right now we are 2 months into a 7 month deployment. It is hard work being everything to both kids - especially right now when they are so needy and anything but independent
. Whether we have #3 is definitely still very much up in the air and I am certainly paying close attention to my emotions this deployment.
I really don't want his job to be the deciding factor. I feel like I would have regrets. But I agree with PPs that the commentary gets really annoying. My father is the WORST with it. I am having a bad day and he'll say things like "well, you chose this life" or "it is a volunteer military" or "at least he won't be gone 15 months like some guys". Thanks, dad. Thanks a lot.
Married 6/28/03
Kate ~ 7/3/09 *** Connor ~ 11/11/10
4 miscarriages: 2007, 2009, 2013, 2014
*~*~*~*~*
No more TTC for us. We are done, and at peace, as a family of 4.
"Suffering has been stronger than all other teaching, and has taught me to understand what your heart used to be. I have been bent and broken, but – I hope – into a better shape.” — Charles Dickens
ugh, thats annoying to say the least. I feel the same as you, I would have regrets too. I know I wont regret hving more kids though. I read some of your blog, I am glad you are hanging in there. Hopefully the next 5 months will fly by!
My DH is always going on business trips but only for a few days at a time so its not too bad, although it has dictated the number of kids we are planning to have, we are planning to have 3 because if I had to care for more than 3 on my own mostly I might go insane. If DH had a typical job where he was home every night we might plan to have 4 or 5 kids.
DH is military so it is one reason we are stopping at 2. The main reason is my health and all the health issues I have had during this pregnancy. I just can't handle another 10 months of what I have gone through.
If you have people (friends/family) around who can help/financially afford to hire help I would not let it dictate your family size.